Mom has moderate stage Alzheimer's and just recently began to wander. We are weighing the options regarding either 1) having her come to live with me with a care companion helping out; 2) staying in her home with a caregiver who comes in daily or lives in; or 3) placing her in a Memory Care Facility. Mom denies having Alzheimer's and refuses to consider any of these options because "she still has plenty of sense and can handle her own business." I have Medical POA and her doctor has written a letter saying she no longer has the capacity to make reasonable decision regarding her care. My question is how do you get a parent through the transition from living independently to having full-time care? She becomes very combative and angry when these things come up. Do you just make the decision and go ahead with it? Do you continue to try to make her understand? I would appreciate any guidance you might have.
I would encourage you to transition Mom to MC as soon as practical. With ALZ she is going to require MC at some point and my understanding is the sooner she transitions the easier adjusting to the MC will be. My father didn't want to enter an MC either, but he is doing much better there with 24/7 support than he did with in home support; proper medication management had a great impact.
The doctor told her that she needs someone to come in everyday to make sure she is taking her meds and eating,etc. Mom said “when I get to that point where I need help, I’ll hire someone.” The doctor said “Miss Martha, you ARE at that point.” Then the doctor said, “as your doctor, I am telling you that I am ordering this for you. Also, you have trusted your children to make decisions in this regard (then doc told Mom how smart she is to have prepared for this by having a POA) and that there are going to be decisions made based on that trust in order to keep her safe. Then the doctor looked at me and said to go ahead and find someone and then just do it. She said, “I’m officially relieving you of any guilt or hurt you may feel about that because you are doing what is best for your Mom.” So far so good.
My Mom shooed out the caregiver after only 3 days. So I had to back off since my parents [in their 90's] were still of clear enough minds. Had to wait for that other shoe to drop, which it did. Sadly, my Mom was seriously injured in a fall and spent her final months in long-term-care.
Get and take advice from the MC people about how to best handle this situation. Do NOT take her into your home. Get a geriatric psychiatrist on board so that staff has meds in place for agitation.