My grandmother cannot support herself because all of her money is going to my deadbeat uncle's bills. She does this partially because she can't stand to see her child go without, especially after losing one child, but he is also very mean to her and I think she's scared of what would happen if she stopped.
My grandmother has been staying with her aunt for the last few months, but her aunt passed away a little over a week ago. She is able to stay in her aunt's apartment until the end of February and then her plan is to move into a MOTEL. The only reason I know any of this is because my cousin told me. I absolutely cannot let her live in a motel, but none of my other family will take her in if she keeps paying my uncle's bills. And even if one of them or myself were to take her in, she would still keep paying my uncle's bills and have nothing left for herself. I have no idea what her exact income or expenses are because she refuses to tell me about anything important.
I have spoken with other family members about this and we are all at a loss. I want to tell her that my uncle doesn't deserve to have her taking care of him and she should cut him off and enjoy her remaining years, but it feels cruel to tell a mother not to support her only child. I know my dad's passing was really hard on her and I don't want to hurt her more.
I am looking into whether this counts as financial elder abuse but I'm still doing my research on that.
Any advice would much appreciated. When my dad passed, she had all of her ducks in a row and it seemed like I wouldn't need to be super hands on with her (she's always been so self sufficient and I didn't see that changing) so I stayed out of her hair but now I can see that I should have been more involved.
Does Grandmother have a financial Power of Attorney? If yes, then when Grandmother finally realizes that she needs to stop paying her grown son's bills, etc. then the POA can step in, and the grown son would have to try to get $$ from the POA. He/she could put an "out of order" sign on that family ATM.
Instead of Grandmother staying at a motel, check around to see if there are any senior apartments where the rents are geared toward one's income. That would be less expensive and probably safer for her.