My name is Joyce , I'm 50 years old and 11 years ago I lost my dad to Alzheimer's and Parkinson and now I'm watching my mom slowly forgetting everything she has been diagnosed with dementia. I'm trying to talk her into moving in with me and my boyfriend but she isn't having anything to do with it yet and I'm not sure who is going lose their mind completely first me or her. My mom doesn't believe she has dementia all she says is she isn't crazy, I tell her everyone has a lil crazy in them but just cuz she has dementia doesn't mean she is Looney tunes crazy just means she can't remember certain things. She is now forgetting meds, how to cook simple stuff and we are trying to figure out how to get her to move in with us but I just keep hitting the same brick wall expecting it to move and it still there. She wants to keep her independence but I need to make sure she is around for long time also , I'm a only child no brother or sister to help me , just me anyone have any ideas on how to move the brick wall without using TNT
For your sake AND HERS, seek out assisted living residences in your area and see what’s available.
Dementia is progressive- she will not get easier to manage.
It will be easier for you to convince her to move to a “place of her own” if you find her a nice room where she will be supervised and observed 24/7.
Find a place where you can visit often, maybe for a few minutes every day after she gets used to things.
In this life we can only do our best on behalf of our dear ones. We need to find out what we can do that will allow them to be safe and comfortable. We cannot guarantee them a “long time”, and it is not always the best idea to live with them with that idea in mind.
Maybe you an make good decisions for your mom by backing off the idea of moving in with you while you find out all you can about residential care in your area.
My own mother lived with me for 9 TERRIBLE MONTHS, and after that moved to a residential care center where she lived for 5 1/2 wonderful years.
Please consider other options before doing something that may not be the best for you or your mother.
Your mom really needs to live in an assisted living facility, with the option of memory care as time goes by. That would be better for not only her, but you as well, because as you are all to aware of dementia only gets worse never better.
And as far as patience goes, the only way we can ever get more of it, is by going through tough times, and coming out on the other end. So be careful what you wish for.
also I strongly suspected that she started only wanting to eat when I was there. ( I dropped by almost every day after work for a few minutes). Forgetting to eat will be mitigated by the staff calling her for meals and after she gets into the rhythm of life in AL she will just go at the set times.
She forgot got her pills even in prepackaged cards. But she remembered to hide them from me hen I started to question her the first couple of times I saw they weren’t used.
I believe that had she made the leap to AL she would probably still be there today rather than very poorly off in Memory Care. (CoVid separation did not help).
get all her paperwork done NOW. You have a very small timeframe to work with. Mum and brother went to lawyer to get it all done, but she got tired, they only got part done other part was procrastinated on which led to ongoing messy situation for a while and a lot more cost.
Try offering her different options that allow her to conserve her independence, and perhaps she'll gradually begin to listen to your advice. As long as admitting that she isn't as able as she was = she has to move in with you, she's going to admit to nothing and she's not going to take any steps to take proper care of herself.
Think about this long and hard before you make a decision. All of this I never would have imagined from my mother, who was the most caring, unselfish person who always thought of others first. She has no clue how much work she is.
Good luck with your decision. Prayers for you.
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