Nervous about my mom's upcoming neurology appointment, I know she's going to try and bluff the new doctor. What to do?

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Nervous about my mom's upcoming neurology appointment, I know she's going to try and bluff the new doctor. What to do?

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I have been thru a few evals and its going to be hard to fake it. Make a list of everything you are concerned about and have seen. Give it to the nurse. Moms doctor used my list to help him ask the right questions. I was in the room, but sat in the corner quietly. Dr would look over every so often to get my reaction to a question. Mostly shaking my head yes or no.

Its a series of tests. One is memorizing a picture of a simple house, then drawing it. It will be hard getting around a neurologist. Moms was really nice and made her feel comfortable so she relaxed.

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Great answer, JoAnn.

Comforting to hear.

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She can hear okay. I am still going to try and walk in with her, but if she tries to stop me I will not make an issue of it.

I'm waiting by my phone now so I don't miss the call from the nurse, and I will have things written down for the doctor. I think that's all I can do right now. Hopefully the doctor can offer some guidance. My mom can't fake as good as she thinks anymore anyway. I ignored lots of red flags in recent years but that was more my own denial as a defense mechanism because this is my mother, but this doctor won't have my emotional handicaps so should recognize things.

Thanks for your response. I know I ramble a lot on this site because I am still struggling to accept all this and I'm still so afraid of the future. One of the things I know I need is to have a good neurologist on board and this appointment is the first step. I wish I didn't feel so anxious about it.

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Piper,

Honey, ramble on. We don’t mind! This is very upsetting. I’d be upset too. It’s important to get proper results.

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If this is an in-depth dementia assessment, you can take a deep breath and relax. Your mother is not going to be pulling the wool over anyone's eyes this time.

Some of the tests she has to do unaccompanied anyway, and with some of them your input will be invited. Did the nurse outline exactly what will be included in the appointment?

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CM,

This is comforting to hear. I love this site for confirmation. It’s reassuring to have ideas and answers.

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Exhausted, just talk to the nurse when she calls. Ask her to give the doctor a heads-up. Try to cite specifics that lead you to think your mother has cognitive issues. Be concise. Be factual. Remember that this isn't the first rodeo for the doctors --- particularly the neurologists. The medical staff can't give you information if they don't have your mother's permission, but you can give them all the information you want to. You aren't doing anything wrong or sneaky. In fact, you are doing your mother a kindness by helping her doctors understand her needs, and you are doing the medical staff a favor by alerting them to objective facts. I had to do it with my mother's doctors; many people on the forum mention similar circumstances.

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Good advice!

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Wow, that’s tough! I go in at all my mom’s appointments. Years ago I waited in the waiting room because I felt it was private between mom and her doctor.

She asked me to go in due to not being able to hear well and she said she had nothing to hide.

I agree with your feelings on the matter and would be suspicious too. My mom isn’t always accurate with her answers but I don’t know if it’s intentional or not because of her hearing problem. Does your mom have a hearing issue? You could say that you want to make sure she heard everything correctly. I know my mom doesn’t hear everything even with a hearing aid, other ear is completely deaf.

This is so awkward for you. I’d be crying too. I think I would be hurt a bit too. Maybe scared too.

I have medical power of attorney but not regular power of attorney. If you are primary caregiver you should have it. Do it soon if it is possible.

What would your mom do if you confronted her? Would she cancel? Can you pretend that you forgot she said that she wanted to be alone and just walk in with her? Would she ask you to leave? Can you tell her that it’s important for you to be there?

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Oh, she will still either deny or forget it after the doctor tells her. She doesn't want to lose control of her life. She is frightened. Or maybe she knows, but doesn't want you to know.

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Sad, isn’t it?

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Nervous about my mom's upcoming neurology appointment, I know she's going to try and bluff the new doctor. What to do?

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