I’m a caregiver to my mom who has mid-stage dementia. My mom’s dementia is rough and it makes her shout uncontrollably at night, especially when I need to clean her when she wets herself. She would shout for few minutes while I put her back to bed around 12:30 am. Then, she will stop and fall asleep. I’ve tried every trick in the book and nothing calms her. My issue is our new next door neighbor would knock on the wall at night in order for my mom to shut up and that knocking sound further scares her and makes it even worse. What can I do? I don’t want to go talk to them, they don’t look friendly. Can they call the police on us? My mom is not screaming all night just shouts when I’m changing her between 12:15 to 12:40ish am. What would the police do in this instance?
YOU get annoyed that the new neighbors knock on your wall but
You expect the neighbors to NOT to get annoyed with your mom's shouting.
You should look at the lease for specifics when it comes to noise and other disturbances from other tenants.
OP is more emboldened now that she has a friend in the rental office who backs her and her screaming mother up, basically giving the middle finger to the neighbors.
"My mother can shout and scream all she wants in the dead of night, and you can just suck it."
Inconsiderate, rude, and selfish.
OP, may you have many years and decades of diaper changing in the dead of nights.
Bye!
p.s. I hope the neighbors will sue the owner for all the moving costs, and any differential in rental expense between the current and the new place.
I think that fair housing laws will soon see your "friend" fired and possibly sued. With you as a named defendant.
I think you should be completely ashamed of your selfishness in this matter. You definitely know how to make enemies with your entitled attitude.
Who thinks that anyone should willingly, with a smile, put up with being jarred awake by screaming for a half hour nightly?
I mean, these days San Francisco allows all this.
Maybe move her bed to a different room, as far away from them as possible.
Can't find the response and some mentioned Lasix water pills. Is Mom on this?
I think your office friend maybe mixing up "medical" condition and the Disabilities Act. Dementia is not a disability. I have to agree that when this person rented, he should have been told about the neighbor. Since he wasn't, he does have a good cause to sue the Landlord.
I know some of us may seem a little harsh in their responses but your neighbor does not have to be sympathetic to your problem. Mom may be becoming more than u can handle and u may have to place her. Maybe reread the responses and write down the suggestions and see what ones you can use. Really, its up to u to solve this problem.
I could be wrong here, but the gist I am getting is:
1. You feel there’s absolutely no way to stop mom’s screaming.
2. You feel the neighbors should be more forgiving since mom has dementia (can’t help herself) and screams “only” for around 30 minutes. After midnight.
3. You are not liking the replies here that say the neighbors have every right to be mad. Which they do.
You say you’ve tried everything to keep mom calm, but mentioned nothing about medications or ways to avoid changing her at night. It really looks like medication is the only way to go here. Everyone in this situation is miserable!
It is unfair to think neighbors should tolerate the screaming. They pay to live there too. It would be one thing if the incidents were few and far between, but every single night? Even if they knew why she screams, the reason means little when they are woken up every night.
Your options: Get mom some melatonin or other medical relief. Find a way so she doesn’t need changing during the night. Move mom’s bed away from walls or in another room. Or consider memory care, because this is not going to get better and it looks like mom is needing more care than you can provide anymore.
That's how to be a good neighbor, clear the air, and keep tempers at bay.
See All Answers