My Mother-in-law broke her hip last year. She moved in with us and she rehabbed back into shape to a point where she was using a walker and cane. My mother-in-law went to stay with her sister for a few days. We told her specifically not to walk on any stairs.The last day of her time away she went on the stairs, and she broke her leg on the same side of her hip. We have to start over now.
My wife wants her to move back into our home to rehab her again. I'm burnt out and tired of my wife playing nurse to her mom daily with her stressful job. I told her we should find a place for her to live for assisted living. My wife doesn't want that for her mom, understandably.
So, if we move her into assisted living my wife is stressed. If she moves back in with us her stress is different, but then I am stressed and we have no life as our lives revolve around my Mother-in-law (again). I have resentment towards my mother-in-law because of not listening to us and breaking her leg. Now we have to spend our lives taking care of her (in my eyes).
Other variables - We are from Asian households so there is an expectation we take care of our elders within the community. In this case, we did that for a year and it looks like we will be doing that again. My wife wants a baby, and I have no idea how I feel comfortable doing that with this current situation. Super stressful.
I wondered about a time limit of your wife getting pregnant, but I don’t think that’s a good idea. Stress might make pregnancy more difficult to achieve, and the two of you need a chance for some good times before any of the dramas that sometimes come with pregnancy.
Another time limit possibility would be any more broken bones.
Just talking through these options may help to make it very clear that living with you long term, even on-and-off, is not going to happen. Getting that agreed with your wife and MIL is the most important step.
Where is MIL right now?
Re: Osteoporosis. Oh dear.
Falls + brittle bones result in worse outcomes. Being hopeful but also realistic will be useful.
One round of this was enough. Since you and your wife want to have kids soon, this should really be seen as your highest priority. You don't want to postpone having kids because of MIL.
I agree with someone else that you should ditch your anger over MIL doing the stairs when told not to. People do what they do and it really doesn't matter why or how it happened. Move forward. You have enough to deal with in the present and future.
MIL doesn't have to like the plans for her new life. But it's not fair for her to impose on you and make your life other than you would like it to be.
Good luck!
Would your wife consider in-home caregivers to help lighten the burden? Is MIL paying for her way to this point and going forward? Maybe come up with some other options for her to consider (not MIL, your wife. MIL will need to live with what you 2 agree on). Maybe rehab and then she goes to adult day program 5 days... or IL with a paid aid, etc.
I get the whole "old country" tradition stuff... there were no options for seniors there -- but there are here. The caregiving arrangment has to work for both the receiver and the giver. Just having a baby is stressful enough. Your wife needs to choose you and her future family's needs over her mother's. It's not wrong to do so.