No one really knows when God will call us home but watching my mother this last week, I believe that her time is near.
Certainly I am running the gamut of emotions as one would expect. I anticipate a lot of the stress will be alleviated as well as some of the added physical challenges I face, being a caregiver with my own disabilities.
However watching my mother fade away like this is horrific and I just want her suffering to end, I'm not 57 anymore; at this time I am that little girl who put on her mommy's jewelry, the teenager who was more than a handful now hoping I have made up for the pain I caused during those years. The bride-to-be picking out a wedding gown, wanting to see that pride & joy in her mom's eyes.
I caress her head and recall the many costumes made by her hands for all of us kids. The countless meals made from scratch. She's still cooking in her dreams and in her 'visions'.
I recall what a good daughter she was, & what a great mother she is. My memories of her as a selfless, fun (yet always teaching) grandma, bring such happiness at an otherwise heartbreaking time.
She will soon be with her parents and sister & brother. My mom will cross over to be reunited with her husband of almost 66 years.
Knowing she'll be with my dad again makes me happy.
Funny how I am damn near 60 and I feel like a little girl as her mom's hand slips from her grasp and a sense of dread and fear envelope me.
I'm playing some of her favorite music and helping her 'cook'.
How did/will you all say your goodbye?
Grace + Peace,
Bob
I started telling my father right after my mother passed and continued for 7.5 years to tell him that when his time came, I understood and was happy he would be reunited with my mother.
Apologize for any shortcomings - we all have shortcomings. I told my DH for 3 years that one day he would be seeing people that passed years ago and not to be afraid. I told him that while not perfect, I believe I did the best I knew how and apologized for the times I might not have given my all. Every day, many many times a day I reaffirmed my love for him and hugged him until it became too difficult to hug him. But I still tried to hug and give him physical contact.
The day he went into the pre-death coma, he was crying when he told me for the last time that he loved me.
I hope this helps you. Don't waste a precious second that you can still tell Mom how much you love her. Don't dredge up the past if there are any negative things you want to say - you can say them at the graveside later on. For now, reaffirm your love and thank your mother for loving you and caring for you.
1. When someone is "actively dying" it sometimes helps for the loved ones to give the individual who is passing permission to go. Often times individuals who are in the dying process hold on because they are worried about their loved ones they are leaving behind.
When my grandmother was dying I laid down in bed next to her and told her that we would all be OK. I let her know I would take care of my dad (her son) and that it was OK for her to go be with her husband. She died within 5 minutes of me telling her this.
2. There is a good booklet called "Gone From My Sight" by Barbara Karnes. This booklet gives a guideline while remembering there is nothing concrete about the dying process. It tells you what you can expect to see from someone who is dying from months before death to weeks, days hours. The booklet can be purchased online for $3.00.
Anyway, the next time we were allowed to see him, I said it was ok to go. It is still as clear to me today as it was then - color returned to his face. His jaw relaxed and no longer appeared to be upset, worried, or whatever it was to make him appear tense. Totally relaxed and looked so normal except for the large gauze bandage around his head. After that visit, the ventilator was removed.
From the depths of my soul, I really think he needed us to say it was ok. It was just too painful for him to hear all of us begging him to stay.
It helps me to remember this admonition in my faith: "I have made death a messenger of joy! Wherefore dost thou grieve?" That helps with letting go and thinking of them in a much happier place. Yes, I miss them, but why would I want them back from such joy?
My mom died early on Mother's Day before we could go back to the hospital to visit her again. Her favorite flowers--Lilacs--were blooming in her garden and became part of her funeral flora arrangements. And, we believe we will be with her and our grandparents and other loved ones again when we go to the spiritual world. In the meantime, there are things here I am responsible for and I want to do them well. There are others that will need our help, love, and consoling, too.
I like that you feel it is a blessing to be able to care for your mom. I think my mom wanted to die in private to make it easier on us. She had ovarian cancer that had spread and her last days were in the hospital where it was easier to have care for her and deal with her passing. After my dad died, I brought many of the things my mom cared about home with me now. It's like a memory room and sometimes I go there and just reflect on the things that happened and the care she gave to us while growing up, remembering her voice and thoughtfulness, the love I felt and feel for her yet.
Is hospice involved? Do you have family for support? God bless you for being such a caring daughter. My thoughts and prayers are with you during this very difficult time in your life.
My mom is still hanging on...she is more on the other side than she is here, but being a strong woman & her constant need to "fix" things, is preventing her from completely letting go and exiting her worldly body.
It is a most difficult time to see her stuck in this in between stage. I am telling her that she's worked hard and now it's time for her to rest....to go home. Dad and so many others are waiting for her.
I believe it's a matter of days now.
Yes hospice is involved and I have a wonderful husband who my mom loves like a son (and vice versa) and a sister who's close by.
Thank you all.❤️
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