I always did the best I could for my mother we lived together most our lives my moms 85 yrs old I know my mother more than anyone I am her daughter I should know. I had to put my mom in a nursing home NOT cause I wanted too but I had to she got a Urinary tract infection had to go to the hospital then they kept her for 5 days then she got weak in her legs and can't walk so then she needs physical therapy It's hard for me to really take care of her when she can't walk. But I had done it before when she couldn't even walk because it was my choice i did not want her in a nursing home. It took a big toll on me cause i had to get her walking again and get her to the rest room. But every time I give a nursing home another try it's been Nursing home neglect. Now my mother is in ICU. Do not put your Family member in a Nursing home especially if they have memory loss. You know why? I don't even have to say it. Cause they take advantage of them and do what they want cause they can get away with it. If you love your mom or father don't they will for sure pass a way! My mothers been in 5 nursing homes and each one I had to pull her out and take her home with me they all just drugged them and her up they don't listen the Dr's just keep giving prescribing Meds My mother dos better without the Meds. it should only be taking when absolutely needed. And all I do is arguing with them. They don't run the nursing homes right. They should all be SHUT DOWN I have not found anyone that was good. They get money for what to kill elderly and shorten there lives More! I have to take my mother OUT and do what they couldn't do all myself as always. Now my mother is in ICU for 7 days! all cause of the nursing home my mom has NEVER NEVER been this bad she has Ammonia and a Real bad Urinary Tract Infection! from this Nursing Home! Should be ALL SHUT DOWN. Now this is something I'm going to have to live with if something happens to my mom my life will never be the same. "I am pissed angry" that there are Humans that treat and can get away with treating older people like Animals and even animals shouldn't be treated like that!!! I'm not done with these nursing homes that messed up my mother yet! I cry every day I knew inside something was wrong I could feel it. But I had surgery myself I could not be there for her have breast Cancer going on for 3 months now I have not been doing well thinking how can I care for my mother ass I needed treatment myself. I just got out of surgery when this all happened I had a drainage tube running down my chest when this all happened and now it's too late my moms in ICU. The next day after surgery I went into the nursing home Talked to the Administrator the ones all in charged crying upset about what happen to my mom. I told them they think there this place right they are Not I told them if something happens to my mom they will go down. I ripped open my shirt with the tube of blood from my chest and said This is what I been through. I counted on you all here to help me with my mother. And all I can say is what comes around goes around and one day i hope not, this might happen to you and you will all see what it feels like to be me or my mother. and I walked out.
Do your best to stay on top of meds - this is tough, even with a HIPAA they will not really want to bother calling you with every med change, though if you are assertive enough, you can probably get it done (I still say, get them to print out the list every now and then though...) And if only every professional and every facility could develop a culture or respect and listening to patients and families as partners, most imperfections and mistakes in care would be quickly caught and recognized, though probably not eliminated entirely. Just my $0.02.
But again we do the best we can with the financial hand we are dealt.
I hope you can find a suitable nursing home if your parent can not come home.
Pray on it, as I asked God to guide me through the caregiving of my parents and he did. I wish you peace as you handle this situation as I know it breaks a child's heart.
And we'll never go again. Why? Because aside from bed and personal care, one hour of PT a day, one hour of some sort of activity and meals, she would have spent the balance of her time in her wheelchair, sitting outside her room in the hallway, if her caregivers hadn't spent the entire day there.
Not to mention the germs that run rampant in a facility, despite (or maybe because of) all attempts to keep the place clean (and they did). And, it's simply not possible to provide the same level of care in a facility that can be given one-on-one in the home.
Edna's daughter called them a parking lot. She wasn't far from wrong.
There are times when given the hand the patient and the family are dealt they need to find the best nursing home, knowing it will not be near (anywhere near) perfect but you do what you can. We need a whole new way of supporting elderly patients at home, where most wish to be.
I know this sounds pretty snide, but .. ya think?? NO one should sit in the same position for more than two hours. It's one of those 'duh' moments: the human body is intended for movement. More than two hours (the most common timeframe used by nursing staff to 'turn' a patient to prevent bed sores) is unhealthly .. for anyone, of any age, and FAR worse in the elderly who are at risk of embolisms and strokes. Even airlines have figured out that long flights, and sitting in the same position for too long carries risks.
And, yes, the point is: they're woefully understaffed, even if all the 'work' gets done. The bottom line is: care for the elderly .. both for the support of those who choose to remain at home and for those who choose a facility .. is gross neglect. It also feels like beating your own head against a cement wall.
I am aware that some know when they are dying.... doctors have confirmed this. My mum was independent to being ill and that is something she would have always wanted and I am pleased about that.