Hello, I am new here. New to all of this. Just recently I realized my mom is suffering from this horrendous disease. My dad had kept this from us for somd time.
So I am trying to understand how to get her on a routine of basics. Eating, showering, using the restroom. She seems to be heavily OCD about everything. High levels of disgust.
The most concerning is that she is refusing to eat. I have tried every strategy. She says it is because she is worried about having to poop. She hates wiping because it is gross to her and when she does she will wipe over and over. Worrying she is not clean.
This extends to other things too, so disturbed by anything being dirty. But I need to know how to get her to eat. I offer to help her with bathroom time and that isnt helping.
She was prescribed Lexapro, but she also has an obsession with never taking any meds for any reason and recently wont even take multivitamins. She routinely makes suicidal requests. So I have asked her if the not eating is part of that but she slways go back to the bathroom thing. I just dont know what to do.
I was a caregiver mostly to elderly as my professional for almost 25 years. I can tell you that for the most part old people are miserable and tend to obsess over nothing. They are bored or lonely or angry at being old.
This does not mean they have clinical depression or that they have to me on 'meds' to treat clinical depression.
She can be medicated with drugs like Ativan or Xanax on an as-needed basis when she is has anxiety and is obsessing over something.
Is she well enough mentally to comprehend how to properly use a bidet attachment on a toilet? Or how to use wipes correctly? If she is then try these things.
As suggested here, Boost or Ensure shakes are a good choice. She would probably enjoy them. What I used to do for some of my clients who wouldn't eat, is doctor the shakes up a bit. Do them in the blender with a scoop of protien powder (you can get this at any health store or on line), some milk, ice and even added chocolate. When it was possible to do so, I even crushed their meds up and put them in the shakes. The clients didn't know.
Ask her doctor to refer you to a nutritionist who at be able to help her.
Tell her the pills are for making her clean/killing germs/whatever might fool her into taking them.
See if she will drink Ensure or Boost. I took used it when I was sick. I put it in the freezer for an hour or so. It thickens up like a shake, the chocolate is good this way. Smoothies. They r not solid food so maybe will except them that only urine is made.
Try Huggies for wiping after using toilet paper first. She will getva lot cleaner faster.
My mom barely ate. Some older people don’t have large appetites.
Try making healthy smoothies and serving food on a smaller plate so it isn’t as intimidating.
Do you know why your mom is resisting taking her meds? Some people feel they will experience every single side effect. Others fear addiction and so on.
Suicide is a tough situation. What is her history of speaking about suicide? Is she the type that has threatened for years and never acted upon it? Using suicide as a manipulative tactic? Or does she truly not care to live anymore?
If need be, bring her for an evaluation or call 911.
Wiping herself? Is this a physical problem as well as a mental issue? Is she in any pain that is causing her not to be able to care for her personal needs.
There are tools that assist with wiping. Have you seen those? Or a bidet is even better.
Good luck with all of these issues. It’s challenging to care for our parents.
A couple of questions--more information will get you better answers.
Who is prescribing the Lexapro? And have you informed this doctor that mom won't take it?
I would take threats if suicide very seriously. As in, find out if there is a geriatric behavioral/psychiatric facility she can be admitted to. Sometimes an involuntary psychiatric hold is the only way to get someone on the right meds.
Consider installing a bidet to solve the wiping issue.
Google "Teepa Snow" and watch her YouTube videos. She has unique insights into how to speak to and manage dementia patients.
I'm o sorry you are dealing with this awful disease.