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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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That is a great question. Most people prepare for death with wills and trusts but don’t realize the real trouble comes not when you die, but when you are mentally or physically unable to take care of yourself. I have put down many animals - dogs, cats, horses - over the years. I loved them all, but when their quality of life went to zero, I chose to help them exit their suffering. I wish people had the same choice.
So do I--very much! Neither my husband (who will be 95 in 3 days) or me (88 in January) ever thought we'd still be hanging around at these ages. But here we are.
I am school but I think people are simply living just too damn long. I will make sure to force my exit long before I become a burden to my husband.
People always call me insensitive when I say this but I never understood why our system forces families and those living with things like dementia to prolong what will 100% be a miserable life for someone or everyone.
People are quick to say think about the person with dementia but that conversation always ignores the caregiver. So yeah no way am I going leave my husband to make that choice. If something were to happen to me where I have the potential to become a burden I am done and will remove that choice from him.
Not as easy as you think, as Dorothy Parker posited. I myself wish they would issue us a pill for option, or that we at least had Pagasos or Dignitas. While many can afford to travel to Europe, their documentation, even to old divorces is amazingly onerous. One good thing to stay informed is joining FEN (Final Exit Network) for options. I do think that the VSED Handbook written by Kate Christie is excellent and with a good bibliography as well (Voluntary stop eating and drinking).
Saving lots of money for memory care. I've decided to stop taking my blood pressure meds at 65. I'm not going to fend off a heart attack just to die of some long-ass dementia. Chemo for cancer at 75? No thanks, I'll pass. I've thought about offing myself after a grim dx, but I'm pretty sure I'd chicken out a hundred times. So I'll pay for a facility. My family knows I do not want any of them trying to deal with me at home.
Please don't stop taking your blood pressure meds. It's not just heart attacks you should be worried about. High blood pressure leads to lower levels of oxygen in the blood and narrowed arteries, which can lead to other health issues, including brain damage and dementia. High blood pressure can lead to blood clots, which could cause a stroke. This in turn can lead to immediate cognitive decline and dementia.
Believe me, living with these conditions (which you could do for many years) would entail a reduced quality of life, with no capacity to make any worthwhile changes on your part. You would have to endure your condition and your lack of opportunity to make a better life.
Now that my mother has passed away(1 yr), I'm just trying to get rested. I've no idea what my plan is as I've been single, no children,no boyfriend. Retired early at 65 and have no close friends. I don't have much, so it doesn't matter what happens when I go. I'm just happy that I'm not going to be a burden to anyone I know and love. I'm hoping to get rid of things so my apartment won't be so bad to clean out, been here since 2006 and ? No plans, just day by day till it's my time. Nothing wrong with that, I've worked very hard for 40+ years and devoted myself to caring for my parents. For myself, it's time not to worry about what comes next. Just stay healthy and not get injured.
I recently posted most of this message under another question, but it would bear restating under this category as well. We are OLD. My husband will be 95 in 3 days. He is mobile for his age (uses a cane) but has some short-term memory and executive function issues. I will turn 88 in January and have back problems that impact my physical abilities. So far, I am able to maintain the household with some hired help. Our legal paperwork is in place. We are determined that our adult children will NOT provide hands-on care!
As is likely true for most low- and moderate-income elders, the cost of a continuing care community is out of reach for us. That is the case even with the long-term care insurance that we purchased 25 years ago--for which the premiums now cost what was once a significant down payment on a house. We did our best to plan and provide for our old age but never dreamed that we would live as long as we have. The possibility of outliving our resources is a MAJOR concern.
In order to conserve our resources, we need to stay in our current residence as long as it is at all manageable. We moved to a single-level manufactured home in a 55+ community 11 years ago. The rent is less than we would pay in our area for market rate housing and MUCH less than the cost of a care facility even when utilities, maintenance and upkeep are factored in.
I've stated many times that we do NOT intend to become a care albatross to our adult children, who are now at or near retirement age. They have earned their freedom in retirement. We sincerely hope to leave our home feet first but understand that may not happen. Independence is important to us, but we realize that it has its limits. We hope to make our Final Exits before we lose all our capabilities--with luck, that should occur in the not-too-distant future.
My mother died at 95 and my father will be 96 on Wednesday. All I know is I don’t want to get that old and infirm, I’m hoping for a good heart attack before that point.
Caring for my combative mother with dementia was so stressful! We’ve told the kids they are to help assess suitable care homes should the need arise. No hands on caregiving! Now that our youngest is 18 we should assign POAs to our kids. Wills are already drawn up.
We love our large acreage and rural home in a desirable area. Some of our friends will struggle to retire. (we’re all 60ish) So we’ve been discussing a commune. Renting bedrooms or having friends park tiny homes, tying in to our wells, etc. We could pitch in to hire a cook, cleaner and maintenance help. Obviously that would require a seriously detailed agreement (and very judicious choices) as our needs change. But we see it an option as long as our health holds up and we can drive. We are already simplifying the upkeep and sorting stuff. Plus we have retirement savings.
Having said all of that, I have a fatal allergy so I’ve got an easy out if I need it. I’ll have one of those compartment rings made like secret agents wear in the movies.
My two children (29 & 31) have been watching me care for my own mother (97) for many years and have seen the sacrifices that have been necessary.
They have told me (unsolicited) that they will build me a small home on their land and will hire in-home help when and if it's needed.
They have no plans to be daily 24/7 caregivers, but will have me close enough to oversee my care.
I'm fine with going into a facility if necessary but they are adamant that they are not going that route. It's their decision.
However. So far at 65 I am as healthy as I have never been and work very hard at staying strong mentally and physically. (It's been a challenge as a 24/7 caregiver.). I owe it to my children to remain as capable as possible for as long as possible.
Since you are quite firmly decided not to be a burden, while your children plan never to put you in a facility, it would probably be a good idea for you to tell them many times--preferably also in writing--that if your care *does* become too much for them to manage, to please put you in a facility. Otherwise, they may remember that they told you they wouldn't!
After watching my mom take care of my dad and my grandmother, and personally sharing in caregiving responsibilities for my FIL - heck yeah we've made plans. DH and I intend to stay home as long as is reasonable - and then we are fully prepared to go into assisted living or a skilled nursing facility. We have driven a extra money into our retirement savings for that purpose and have LTC insurance. We have zero intention or expectations of our daughters being responsible for our care. If only one of us is left - the only thing we will ask of them is to oversee our care and visit when they can.
My dad was a 'breeze" according to mom. He was appreciative of everything she ever did for him, and he did everything he could to make her life easier - and she was able to keep him home until the end, with the help of hospice and my brother and myself.
My FIL - was the complete and total opposite - he was demanding, arrogant, expected all of the family to give up their entire lives to ensure that he could stay in his home - while doing absolutely nothing to support that want. He NEVER had a plan. MIL tried to move them into a step up facility before she passed away - but FIL categorically refused. He once told my DH that he expected him to leave me and our children and come live with him to provide care. We were CLEARLY not even invited to come with him. We told him that we would do our best to keep him home as long as possible- but if he got to a certain point - we would have no choice but to find different care plans.
He got to that point (300lbs and no ability to get himself out of bed to go to the bathroom). He did not believe we would put him in residential care. Even though he agreed to it (because he could not afford skilled care in home) - he blamed us for not keeping him home until the day he died. (Mind you three of the four caregivers were still working full time, and we also had other family members who needed help)
My grandmother vacillates between "oh honey - you need time out of this house for yourself" and then refusing outside care. So she SAYS the right things but won't DO the right things. She and my grandfather paid astronomical amounts of money every year for an LTC plan that covers in home care at a fairly decent day rate. She refuses to have them in her home. Right now we are making due by having me provide respite for mom. But that's not sustainable as she's only getting one day a week away. Mom is falling into depression and I won't stand by and let her get to that point. She needs help and we are preparing an intervention for my grandmother in the next little bit to tell her that caregivers are coming in and if she won't allow that to happen - the only other option is for us to move her to a facility.
EVERYONE should have a plan for their aging that does not include their children providing hands on care. Period.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
People always call me insensitive when I say this but I never understood why our system forces families and those living with things like dementia to prolong what will 100% be a miserable life for someone or everyone.
People are quick to say think about the person with dementia but that conversation always ignores the caregiver. So yeah no way am I going leave my husband to make that choice. If something were to happen to me where I have the potential to become a burden I am done and will remove that choice from him.
I've thought about offing myself after a grim dx, but I'm pretty sure I'd chicken out a hundred times. So I'll pay for a facility. My family knows I do not want any of them trying to deal with me at home.
High blood pressure leads to lower levels of oxygen in the blood and narrowed arteries, which can lead to other health issues, including brain damage and dementia.
High blood pressure can lead to blood clots, which could cause a stroke. This in turn can lead to immediate cognitive decline and dementia.
Believe me, living with these conditions (which you could do for many years) would entail a reduced quality of life, with no capacity to make any worthwhile changes on your part. You would have to endure your condition and your lack of opportunity to make a better life.
No plans, just day by day till it's my time. Nothing wrong with that, I've worked very hard for 40+ years and devoted myself to caring for my parents. For myself, it's time not to worry about what comes next. Just stay healthy and not get injured.
As is likely true for most low- and moderate-income elders, the cost of a continuing care community is out of reach for us. That is the case even with the long-term care insurance that we purchased 25 years ago--for which the premiums now cost what was once a significant down payment on a house. We did our best to plan and provide for our old age but never dreamed that we would live as long as we have. The possibility of outliving our resources is a MAJOR concern.
In order to conserve our resources, we need to stay in our current residence as long as it is at all manageable. We moved to a single-level manufactured home in a 55+ community 11 years ago. The rent is less than we would pay in our area for market rate housing and MUCH less than the cost of a care facility even when utilities, maintenance and upkeep are factored in.
I've stated many times that we do NOT intend to become a care albatross to our adult children, who are now at or near retirement age. They have earned their freedom in retirement. We sincerely hope to leave our home feet first but understand that may not happen. Independence is important to us, but we realize that it has its limits. We hope to make our Final Exits before we lose all our capabilities--with luck, that should occur in the not-too-distant future.
We love our large acreage and rural home in a desirable area. Some of our friends will struggle to retire. (we’re all 60ish) So we’ve been discussing a commune. Renting bedrooms or having friends park tiny homes, tying in to our wells, etc. We could pitch in to hire a cook, cleaner and maintenance help. Obviously that would require a seriously detailed agreement (and very judicious choices) as our needs change. But we see it an option as long as our health holds up and we can drive. We are already simplifying the upkeep and sorting stuff. Plus we have retirement savings.
Having said all of that, I have a fatal allergy so I’ve got an easy out if I need it. I’ll have one of those compartment rings made like secret agents wear in the movies.
They have told me (unsolicited) that they will build me a small home on their land and will hire in-home help when and if it's needed.
They have no plans to be daily 24/7 caregivers, but will have me close enough to oversee my care.
I'm fine with going into a facility if necessary but they are adamant that they are not going that route. It's their decision.
However. So far at 65 I am as healthy as I have never been and work very hard at staying strong mentally and physically. (It's been a challenge as a 24/7 caregiver.). I owe it to my children to remain as capable as possible for as long as possible.
My dad was a 'breeze" according to mom. He was appreciative of everything she ever did for him, and he did everything he could to make her life easier - and she was able to keep him home until the end, with the help of hospice and my brother and myself.
My FIL - was the complete and total opposite - he was demanding, arrogant, expected all of the family to give up their entire lives to ensure that he could stay in his home - while doing absolutely nothing to support that want. He NEVER had a plan. MIL tried to move them into a step up facility before she passed away - but FIL categorically refused. He once told my DH that he expected him to leave me and our children and come live with him to provide care. We were CLEARLY not even invited to come with him. We told him that we would do our best to keep him home as long as possible- but if he got to a certain point - we would have no choice but to find different care plans.
He got to that point (300lbs and no ability to get himself out of bed to go to the bathroom). He did not believe we would put him in residential care. Even though he agreed to it (because he could not afford skilled care in home) - he blamed us for not keeping him home until the day he died. (Mind you three of the four caregivers were still working full time, and we also had other family members who needed help)
My grandmother vacillates between "oh honey - you need time out of this house for yourself" and then refusing outside care. So she SAYS the right things but won't DO the right things. She and my grandfather paid astronomical amounts of money every year for an LTC plan that covers in home care at a fairly decent day rate. She refuses to have them in her home. Right now we are making due by having me provide respite for mom. But that's not sustainable as she's only getting one day a week away. Mom is falling into depression and I won't stand by and let her get to that point. She needs help and we are preparing an intervention for my grandmother in the next little bit to tell her that caregivers are coming in and if she won't allow that to happen - the only other option is for us to move her to a facility.
EVERYONE should have a plan for their aging that does not include their children providing hands on care. Period.
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