Ok here goes. My older brother and I are caring for our mother. Mom lives with me and my older brother has the POA and controls all finances. He also depends on mom’s funds due to hardship from dealing with our father and caring for him and simultaneously our mother. Now he has been paying all her bills and wants to transfer money from her accounts to my own bank account to pay for our mom’s needs. The issue is I don’t feel comfortable doing that because I don’t want any of her funds tied to my account in any way. I am afraid if there is any audit then I’ll have to explain why money was spent for other things such as my older brother's expenses for whatever and I don’t want to be involved in that. My main concern is my mother getting the care she needs and having the funds to pay for her expenses which I do. Also her house is getting sold and that money will be set aside for her Care. Sooo, how can I protect myself of any state or audits accusing me of any financial misdeeds if I have no access whatsoever to her accounts? Can I suffer consequences or blame if such? I have receipts of all expenses on her behalf that I’ve paid out of my own funds as well. I am not trying to insinuate my older brother is doing wrong or mismanaging mom’s money. But from my understanding her funds must only be spent on her and children cannot get compensated for her caregiving. I just don’t want problems or accusations. Please any help, advice is greatly appreciated.
It's better that a separate account ONLY for your mother's funds is set up; keep your own funds separate from hers. If he wants to hold the account jointly with you, since apparently he's already been expending funds for her, I'd still be leary.
I think it might be better to consolidate all the payments for your mother to be paid from one account; keep yours separate, and whatever account he's using now could also be separate, although theoretically all her bills should be from one account. But since you have some suspicions about this, better that he draw on a separate account so there's no question who spent what.
Is your father still alive and incurring expenses, or are the costs for his estate if he's not alive? If the latter, they should be in a separate account - absolutely no comingling of estate funds with any other funds.
You could also forward all the bills to him for payment, keeping copies and logs of what you've sent him. That's also another way to determine what he's paying for your mother and what he's using for himself.
If there is an audit, you have copies of her bills, he should have copies, and anyone auditing can recreate a record of her expenses. That could reveal any inappropriate use on his part.
You asked: " how can I protect myself of any state or audits accusing me of any financial misdeeds if I have no access whatsoever to her accounts? "
If you don't have access, you can be accused but someone would have to figure out how you could spend her money w/o authority to use her funds.
I get the impression you already have suspicions and concerns about your brother's expenditures?
Is brother going to be POA or not? With proceeds of the sale of her home incoming, there should be some accountability on his part. To you and your mother.
He has, imo, and from your description, taken her funds for his own support.
It puts you in a difficult position, now and in the future.
Since your Mom is living with you, can you be receiving her social security income only into a rep-payee account: a separate account, titled (your name) as rep-payee for (Mom's name) ? Then allow brother to continue as POA for the rest of her financial picture? Still, this sounds dicey, maybe consult an attorney or C.P.A.?