Once they lose a little more memory, does it ever change for the good?

My wife is in the early stages of dementia. She can still drive and cook well, but the other day in the afternoon she had completely forgotten that an electrician had been here in the morning, fixing our broken doorbell and a dimmer switch that had become an on/off switch.
I, on the other hand, have just regular forgetfulness. This morning I thought of something I'd wanted to tell her about, and went into the kitchen to tell her. By the time it took for me to get there, I had completely forgotten what it was! But I've been doing that since I was 16. Once, I remarked about my father to a girl I rather fancied that my father's only gray hair was in his mustache (he was about 48 then). About 5 minutes later, I said the same thing. She said "Yes, you told me that about 5 minutes ago." Talk about embarrassment! But these two incidents don't add up to dementia, I trust.

An elder's long-term memory is great; their short-term memory not so much and usually goes downhill. Their brain works differently.

Thank you all for sharing , it helps immensely, I expect and am quietly prepared for changes, observing generation older than me - sadly, but inevitably proves that we all getting older sooner or later, I would prefer "later" and physical deterioration is not that much scary for me, but mental... it is frustrating, but thanks to your remarks it relieves a little the fear that started to haunt me ...I certainly be stronger to face my mom

I had a question .. I found the answers here! Thanks to you all ..

There is no one answer to this. There is good news, many times cognitive deficits can be overcome with enhanced emotional, physical and intellectual stimulation and good diet. That is the fancy term for stilling close enough to touch, engaging them and finding a way to interest them even if they have problems with the answer and keep them seeing and doing new things. Good nutrition takes a little effort - but it will help you too. You can eat well on not much money as long as the flavor, taste and smell is there to change both your moods. Seeing and doing new things may be as simple as watching the news and talking about each story while it airs, or going someplace that is unfamiliar. Talk & touch therapy is not new - but it helps both caregiver and loved one with memory issues , I still do this with my own mom and it does make a difference, She doesn't always make sense, or remember but she feels connected and enjoys her days. Hope that helps depending on your situation,

I don't mean to butt in again, but...the word 'entropy' comes into play here. Things, in the course of time, wind down. What's lost can't be regained, really, we have to adjust to a new reality. I see it in myself, forgetfullness, slowing down, even things like driving.

Stara1949, I walk into another room for a reason and when I get there I sometimes forget why I came into the room. Well there is a theory about walking under a doorway would be going into another port or dimension which makes you forget. what or why you did you came there in the first place. Well there could be some truth in this and it has nothing to do with dementia. I don't remember the name of it but I knew it at one time. Worth googling it.

For sure never rule out the effects of a UTI - they send Mum absolutely gaga in less than 12 hours. How can you tell? not easy ... the usual symptoms of a UTI are:
The symptoms of a lower urinary tract infection include at least one of the following:

pain, or a burning sensation when passing urine but since people with dementia don't necessarily feel pain in the same way this is sometimes not obvious

the need to pass urine immediately but as elderly people are often incontinent this one isn't easy to notice either

the feeling of not being able to urinate fully - See comment on incontinence

cloudy, bloody or bad-smelling urine - this is a sure sign that you need medics

lower abdominal pain- given that a lot of elderly people have difficulty passing a bowel motion sometimes you may miss this one too

urinary incontinence - well see incontinence because this one is the one I always miss

mild fever (a high temperature between 37-38°C or 98.6-101.0°F) Sometimes, especially if it is warm and there is o apparent flushing of the skin this would be easy to miss

delirium/acute confusion (sudden onset confusion developing within one to two days) - this is more common in the elderly.

And this is the big one we are not talking anything you see day to day that you might class as delirium - this is a massive change in behaviour that comes on suddenly in Mum can happen in 12 hours as I mentioned earlier - by the time we got her to the hospital and they had spent 8 hours pussyfooting around it had turned into sepsis which is life threatening so act quickly if in doubt. The trouble is that this delirium is also indicative of TIAs which Mum also has or perhaps a stroke so its not even that easy for the medics at first sight or so they tell me

Correct Jeanne.

stara1949, the standard answer is if you don't remember where you put your car keys, that is forgetfulness. If you don't remember what car keys are for, that is dementia.

I expect you were having an episode of forgetfulness. Your mother's over-reaction makes this whole thing more dramatic than it would have otherwise seemed.

If you need help you'll be open to the idea. If you have close friends tell them you want to know if they start to worry about you.

But, really, we ALL have moments where we lose focus, forget something, are distracted, etc. People in their 30s have such moments, and people in their 60s do -- maybe a little more frequently. That is vastly different than having dementia.

Sadly, no. An ailing elder cannot revert to their well self.

Good question, stara1949. I look forward to hearing the answers...

What about me? I do not have dementia (or at least not diagnosed yet) but keep forgetting things. Paid cell phone bill online and did not notice that they did not send "thank you for your payment" so my phone was disconnected, I did not notice either, I went to meet with a girlfriend. We have policy to call each other every day with my mom and sisters. When my mom called me I did not answer , she called the police, a minute I came home police was at the door , I was so frightened not knowing what's going on... anyhow everything explained, but my mom calls every 10 minutes to check upon me (mom 88, I am 66) concerned in and imagining the worst scenarios including me lying dead in the bushes and nobody knows. But this incident however it seems solitary - got me worried. Is just lack of concentration, focus... or worse? I cannot stop thinking that it could be something worse? I do attend caregivers support group ,for my mom, but what if it is me who needs help?

I have to agree with the post from Salisbury. My father was diagnosed close to 4 years ago and for the first year he seemed very much like himself funny and loving yet showing signs of forgetfulness. About a year and a half ago his personality changed drastically. Anxious, forgetful, demanding and calling me 10-20 times a day accusing me of never spending time with him. It was heartbreaking because I was with him a couple days a week and he would not remember.

After living in assisted living for 1 year it became clear we needed to move him to Memory Care. He has been there since November and I have noticed a big change in his memory. Every day seems to be a clean memory slate. I still visit every week and while he forgets my visits he is not disturbed. He is happy to see me. He seems very relaxed and enjoys the 24 hour care and companionship he gets at the facility.
He no longer calls me every day. Maybe once a week he calls to just say hi.

While my heart breaks to see my father losing his memories and personality, I find some comfort that he is not struggling so hard anymore with the pain and terror he was in for over a year knowing he was losing to this the terrible disease.

My heart goes out to all affected and touched in their daily lives by Alzheimer's and Dementia.

I've noticed similar changes in my Mom to what Salisbury noted about her mom. My Mom was diagnosed by her new doctor with MCI w/short-term memory loss last Nov (she's 95), just confirming what we suspected, but were happy that he ruled out dementia or Alzheimer's. It's also a relief that she's stopped nagging about some things she's been harping on since I was little (such as my hair). She's stopped complaining about things that happened 50 years ago when Dad did something to hurt her feelings or kept forgetting to put his dirty socks in the hamper! BTW, Don't rule out UTI when you LO has a sudden significant change, especially confusion.

My wife, 75, has been on Aricept 10 and Namenda 28mg for about a year. I guess these drugs are helping, but I am getting alarmed at how shot her short-term memory has become. She doesn't like me to go grocery shopping with her, because getting an electric cart for me is a royal pain. Some months ago, she turned east instead of west and was gone for 6 hours before a kindly police officer lent her his phone to call me, and set her going west again (her phone was dead, and she had forgotten that there was a charger in the car. Just a few hours ago, she went to pick up some pills for me at the drugstore. I had given her a written list of those, plus a list of things it would be nice to have from another store, if she could bring herself to do so. When she got home, I was taking a nap with my cat. When we woke up, I asked C whether she'd picked up my pills. "I think so." Then, asked whether she had gone to the other store, she said "I have no idea," though I had seen her carrying stuff up the stairs. One of the things she had bought was a box of pastries--but she had no memory of that. Scary, because I could see one on the table.
Her 3-years-older sister has a much more advanced case. She apparently does not recognize her own son in person, though she knows his voice when he calls. C's case is better, in that she can still drive, cook, do laundry, and interact with people--all more competently than her sister could three years ago. We have long-term care insurance which will allow us to stay in our home unless/until it gets too dangerous, after which we'll have to move to Assisted Living. But she still drives competently to and from familiar places. For unfamiliar ones, she needs me along to tell her where to turn (and indeed, why we're going to our destination).

Thanks JohnnyJ. I'll make the effort to relish the good times.

While checking with the health-care nurse on my friend Jim as to how he is doing, she mentioned his resistance to suggestions he take a shower and ushering the people out of his apartment. She said they are monitoring this and that often this behavior changes with the next drop in memory--so in that sense, things can get better. He may become more compliant on his own. If not, there are mild drugs that help with this that can be tried. Like it has been mentioned, this process is unique to the individual. Patterns are noted, but how each person does this can deviate. I really liked Mitzi 11's closing about cherishing the best memories--the good moments--something we should be doing with life in general and our approach to it.

It is a never-ending roller-coaster ride for me and my husband who has Lewy Body Dementia..a ride that we desparately want to get off but we are unable to do so. The first two years after his diagnosis I went from feeling totally helpless and angry to finally accepting that things were never going to get better, but worse as time went on. It has in fact been getting worse for my husband and the medications really are just helpful in mood stabilization. He didn't choose this and neither did I, but it is our reality now and so we do the best we can, but it is difficult. The one thing that I did that changed things for me was to adopt an attitude of daily gratitude for everything in my life, exercise, praying, and research about the disease and remembering that he is having the harder time and that my patience and love are more important than letting it get the best of me. I am his sole caregiver. We have no children and the few relatives that live nearby all work so I have no respite. He is now in his 5th year of the disease. I would like to say that I feel for you and that my prayers go out to you as your journey will have its ups and downs as ours has. Cherish the good days or minutes or hours because one day this will come to an end and you want to have the best memories not regrets.

Right now my Mom is mad at me and has been since dinner. We went out. I put on her coat and told her to put on her gloves. Most of the time no problem. They r the stretchy ones so you don't have to worry about left or right. She took forever to take them out of her pocket. Thoughtshe was putting one on, she was putting it back. Since patience is not a virtue with me, I said "Mom!" and took the glove to put on her. She then splayed her hand which makes it harder to get glovs on. She then said it was the last time she'd be going out. This is not an option since she can't be left alone. This she will remember and tomorrow she will put those gloves on with no problem. This is what is frustrating. One day she can and the next day she can't. Like Jude, I don't look at myself as a good caregiver. Mom is clean, fed and personnal stuff taken care of but I lose patience easily. I know, not good, but after cleaning up after the third accident it runs thin. I don't do well with bodily functions. TG for daycare 3xs a week.

Besides Salisbury's positive outlook,
My mother now thinks her husband and her mother are alive and will soon come Home. She lost both in 2003 which probably caused the depression and consequent self destruction of the brain to remove bad memories and live a happier life; happier than she would be if she was sharp, as well as happier than us who know the truth.
V

As I read all the answers above, I can see you have been provided the array of answers. The truth is everyone is a bit different. You are experiencing some of the same deficits that are experienced by keeping their family members at home. My suggestion is to check in to your local Area on Aging and Long-term Care usually found under county offices. They are of great value in helping you with in home help. I would advise that you start now as this will give you an idea of what and when you would like some help. You may also check with Catholic Community Services and ask for their Volunteer Chore, or Lutheran Social Services that has a home visit program. Both CCS and LSS are free and you will find it is not so easy to find a male caregiver.

Please remember to take care of yourself. This will began to have a stress and physical affect on your personal health. Without you there everyday, how will your husband cope? Accept help from neighbors and friends as well as other organizations you or your husband is a member of.

Salisbury... I am so glad to hear you saying that... mom is also at the point where she's never sure just how long I've been gone, and she has also never been so demonstrative in her affections as she is now. I arrive and she will say "What a beautiful surprise" in French, and then when I lean down to kiss her, she just hangs on... something in all our life together she was never comfortable with. Sometimes I'm thinking, she really is missing me OR maybe not liking the Nursing Home... but as someone said... I can be overthinking it and on the negative. So I don't pay attention to that anymore... I have come to just be so happy to have her hug on me like she does now, and she says I love you so much, which she never used to say. It's been a delightful turn, and at 94, I really don't question anymore if her dementia is getting worse... I just take her as she is and love on her as she is. I realize this is a different situation, Tarajean, but I'm thinking maybe any little bit of input may be helpful.

I'm just so glad she's settled into the nursing home and is overall very happy. They do treat her well there... I think we are blessed.

As

I could not have made it through my Partners illness and dying process without this site. My own depression did not set in until after his Memorial. My depression was not caused by my ability to accept his passing, or being tired from the 24/7 care required. Outside influences such as his family caused my depression. Little do people know who are forever saying, "If we can help just call us", and really do not mean it. In my case, they did not even offer help. My depression hit hard and fast. Fortunately, my doctor move quickly and placed me on an anti depressant (very low dose), to get me through those horrible days. His memory stayed in placed all the way to the end. That was a blessing for me. He was able to show me love until the last moment. My heart goes out to those of you who have to deal with memory loss. It is horrible. I helped care for his brother in law who was deep into memory loss for nearly 7 years. How can anyone live that long with loss of memory. I pray to GOD that I never place that diagnosis on my children. My prayers go out to all of you. And, again, this site saved my life. Thank you ALL of you.

TJ, each person is different, and each kind of dementia has its own patterns. My husband jumped into dementia (LBD) at the deep end and had the worst symptoms in his first year. He got "better" as each symptom was addressed by medication. These weren't necessarily "dementia" drugs. He took seroquel, for example, and that was extremely helpful -- but not with memory issues. After a gradually improving "advanced symptom" first year, he was on a long plateau with good days and bad days. Overall his memory didn't get worse or better but specific episodes of bad memory got worse and came more frequently. At first I could go out to work (not that first year!) for a few hours, then I felt it wasn't safe for him to be alone more than 40 to 60 minutes, and only if I were nearby and could get home quickly. Eventually I didn't leave him at home alone at all. He didn't need constant attention -- I could work from home -- but when he had a "bad" episode he did need some care. His final decline, which took about a year, was more physical decline. His memory did not seem to get worse overall.

My mother (type of dementia unspecified) is definitely declining in memory, but as she is in a nursing home this is not putting her at risk. She is content, and her attitude is friendly and cheerful.

As we share our experiences, TJ, I'm sure you are getting the sense that there is no one universal pattern for dementia. It is very hard to predict its progression. You are seeing some decline in memory. What does that mean? Will it keep going at that rate? Maybe. Or maybe that day was a fluke and it won't be that bad again for a long time. Or maybe he will plateau at this level and this is about what you can expect for several years.

The heck of it is, nobody can confidently tell you which of the maybes it will be.

I love what hospicechaplain has written. If you can establish and maintain ongoing communication and partnership you both will be in the best position to handle both the manageable moment, and the intimidating future.

have you tried giving him coconut oil (Liquid) My husband has mild to moderate Alz. The coconut oil and fish oil been helping him a lot with his memory. Its hard but hang in there and make sure you take care of yourself too!

Tarajane-- Alzheimer's has predictable trends, but highly unpredictable specific patterns. My wife has been diagnosed for over 6 years now. She has been on Namenda (now NamendaXR) most of that time. The early efforts with Aricept produced unacceptable side-effects, but the Exelon patch (now available in generic form) has been quite acceptable. There is no point when we had any sudden awareness of "getting better", but the introduction of an anti-depressant elevated her moods in a way that improved the atmosphere. Rather than expecting things to get better, we are thankful for a remarkable stability at a level that we can both manage effectively. She is still mobile, well-socialized, does water exercises, volunteers in a nursing home, and participates in church activities. She goes with me on business trips, enjoying the travel, and we have someone at each setting who provides companionship. We are sometimes frustrated with incessant asking of the same questions, and frustrating actions (How did your cell end up in the linen closet?), but we are feeling blessed to have ongoing communication and partnership to handle both the manageable moment, and the intimidating future. Will it get better? Not likely, but we are developing skills, attitude, and resources to be able to face it as it gets worse.

Yes, it can get better, in a manner of speaking.
That is, once their memory has gotten bad, they can forget their petty or other bad behaviors they might have had, or, be easier to guide them in what needs done daily.
But, memory itself only gets worse, not better, as far as I know, for Alzheimer's and other dementias. Once the brain is "broken", mostly it stays broken, and gets worse.
Loss of hearing can make communication and forgetfulness seem worse.
When hearing loss is mixed up in how a person's brain is deteriorating, they are kinda locked in their own world. Hearing-deprived persons will fill in the blanks in actual information, with whatever makes sense in their heads at the moment--add any of the dementias, and it gets very creative!

I remember when my mom started declining and couldn't tell daytime from nighttime! She'd go out 'shopping' at 2 a.m., surprised to find the stores weren't open! (time to take away the car keys, for sure! getting lost comes right along..) My mom is in a nursing home now and doesn't even know she is there; doesn't remember who visited, or when; doesn't talk about/demand to go back 'home', While sad, she's otherwise happy enough and we have some nice visits when I can get up there in the bad winter weather. It's truly tragic and heartbreaking to see other patients there in real distress, in much worse shape, reliving the past or even worse, wanting to "go home go home go home go home go home..."

I suggest you call your doctor and he/she will probably suggest bringing him in for an appointment. With my father, I found it helpful to let the nurse know ahead of time what was occurring. My doctor is also available by email so I would give her a heads up also. In that way, the staff would always find a way to talk with me without Dad hearing my concerns. It helps to allow him to retain some dignity.
Dad is on Aricept and Namenda, highest dose. It helps a lot. Try not to be afraid. Just focus on who your husband really is. If you know the Lord, rely on Him and he will see you through it.