Need some help with extended family issue! Brother and "SIL" (not married - 25 years cohabiting) both hospitalized unbeknownst to extended families. Now we find out SIL, who is suddenly showing signs of severe memory loss, was released from hospital to go home two days ago(!); brother was released today but SIL refuses to care for him in "their" home (she owns it full and clear on her own). Neither is capable of caring for themselves -- SIL has cared for brother for years (epilepsy, other medical problems). We were shocked to learn brother was deemed capable of going home by himself by the hospital as he has not been capable of caring for himself for years; SIL's family took him to "his" home until other arrangements can be made. SIL's family has stepped up to care for her but this is a temporary situation for the brother. What are options for the brother under the circumstances? No POA. SIL's family cannot find financial info in house (SIL not able to provide info). Brother on Medicaid but siblings have no idea of his financial situation other than what's described here. Brother's siblings reside several states away and are not in a position to help long term.
We should know more in a few days, but at least we've got clearer information direct from the sources instead of being filtered through others. Still not sure how it will all play out.
It says that SIL refuses to care for brother. Does she? She's just been found to be suffering from severe memory loss, and I'm not sure how that sits with her "decision" that her 25 year relationship is over and she wants to evict her partner.
That she *can't* care for him, given his long history of medical issues, is a different question. Fair enough, no, I expect she can't possibly manage him. We don't know what he was hospitalized for but it's even possible that neglect contributed (through nobody's deliberate fault).
That her family is not willing to support both her and her partner is reasonable but, again, is a different question.
For her family to turn to his family for support for him is also not unreasonable, but as it turns out does not lead to any practical solutions.
So to stand in SIL's family's shoes: their family member now needs support for her own life in the home which she owns outright, and that doesn't leave room for meeting his care needs. However - that doesn't mean they can decide on her behalf that he's out on his ear.
Is either SIL or brother capable of expressing a preference about anything?
I think the family had better get some professional advice asap. I'd be surprised if the brother hasn't acquired any kind of rights after that length of time, especially if he is considered vulnerable. This is not to dispute the aim of separating them and finding somewhere else for him to live and to be cared for, only it needs to be done in a humane and orderly way and taking both partners' wishes into account.
BUT I agree with Alva, there may be no good solution here if your brother is deemed competent. As Liz's book demonstrates.
I am assuming we are talking mental problems here and not anything like Alzheimer's in which the state could take guardianship if APS were notified. Generally with mental illness there is some brief 5150 hold, some medications for stablization and a return to the dreadful conditions extant outside of care. I am thankful there is no POA because that person would be helpless in the face of all this, their own lives drawn into the maelstrom.
I would provide APS numbers and what ever other supportive numbers for this couple to call. Other than that I am sorry to say that there may not be any help that you can manage. I hope others have hints you may find helpful, but I have found over the course of 80 years that not everything can be fixed in our current system. We see the results of this on our city streets every day.
Again,APS is there for wellness checks. If either or is capable of decision making in this couple, and makes poor decisions, which it sounds has been their norm, I think you are helpless in this matter. I hope I am wrong.