My father sexually abused me for 16 years of my life from an early age. He is now 90 and has dementia/Alzheimer's. He hasn't acted inappropriately toward me for 40 years. However, on a recent visit (he and my mom still live on their own), he touched me inappropriately, made lewd remarks to me and exposed himself to me. Each of these incidents took place while my mom wasn't in the room (just like it was when I was a child). While I thought I could handle it, emotionally I was taken back to a place I never wanted to revisit. I am unable to fine any research on the subject of sexual offenders and dementia. I called his neurologist and asked for a return call - nearly 2 weeks later I still haven't heard from him. I spoke with his Primary Care Dr. who said the medication he is taking for Parkinson's may increase his dopamine levels which in turn increase his libido. While I know that sexual aggression is common in people with dementia, I am extremely concerned about his behavior due to my history. I repeatedly told him his behavior was highly inappropriate and walked away, but I wanted to run as far away as I could get. I've warned my mother of the behavior and asked her to stay close to him when they are in public keeping her eyes and ears open - she may need to diffuse a situation. Worse - what if he actually touches someone or says something vulgar and they file criminal charges??? I am unnerved by these incidents. I need to assess their living situation on a quarterly basis (they are on the East Coast and I am in the Southwest). I do not think I can put myself in that vulnerable position again ....how do I handle this??
The moment I saw this, I thought "YUCK." But, it sure isn't your fault and what an awful way for him to treat you. I don't blame you for wanting to see your therapist, that's exactly what I'd be doing.
I agree with the people who said, "take care of yourself."
I would like to know what meds you folks are talking about so I might be able to address the issue with his PCP. He does not take any meds for the dementia. He does, however, have COPD, glucoma, and heartburn all the time which he "treats" with Pepcid or Prevacid, tums and the like. For his COPD he uses Spiriva, Advair, nebulizer and his rescue inhaler. For his glucoma he is using Xalatan. Would any of these meds have anything to do with this or maybe a combination of these?
I have friends who have been sexually abused as children and it isn't a nice thing to hear but some have been able to put it behind them and others it is still very much up front. I feel so sorry for all and I wish I could do something. I try and be a good listener and show a lot of love and support. God Bless.
As far as your father getting arrested for inappropriate behavior out in public, I doubt there would be an arrest, given his age and mental state. About 15 years ago my friend's father was in a nursing home for dimentia/alz patients and he actually hit his roommate over the head with a chair and killed him and there was no arrest and I assume it was because of his mental state. The victims family sued the facility and probably received a settlement.
It was difficult enough for me to go through the many levels of Alzheimer's with my mom. She was always so kind when I was growing up but as the disease began to progress so did her mood and anger and then her personality began to decline all the way down to my walking in on her attempting sexual activity with another resident at her Alzheimer's unit...it was SO unlike her and it was shocking. These kinds of behaviors are normal for this disease but the thoughts linger in our minds long after they've passed. I thought that was bad enough until I read you post....your situation is HORRENDOUS! It seems like he is re-living the days when he could get away with being a preditor and you the prey. Take EVERYONE's advise and NEVER allow yourself to be alone with him again....I know he's 90 and you're older too, but those kinds of wounds don't heal they just scab over. Your suffering from this could triple and the repercussions immeasurable in the long run if you allow yourself to become victimized again. Your father is a sexual predator and he will more than likely never be healed. I imagine when this happened your mind reverted back to being a helpless child, and how horrible for you. I wish I could heal you - or at least have words to help you but I don't. The only advice, like everyone else....NEVER, NEVER, NEVER be alone with him again. A NEVER, NEVER, NEVER let your mind believe anything other than you are a victim of abuse....you didn't deserve it then and you don't deserve it now. May PEACE be within you -
Just my thoughts. Review the stages of ALZ and see if the one your father is at fits what he is doing.
You can choose to not be alone with your father and I think that is best due to his mistreatment of you, warning your mother is all you can do. If she chooses to put him in situations where he could cause issue's, let her know you are not going to bail him out of jail.
Just my thoughts.
Blessings,
Bridget
As for protecting other people and keeping him out of legal trouble, I don't think that is your responsibility. You have shared your concerns with your mother. I think it is up to her to deal with it.
Good luck to you!