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Hey Everybody, has anyone used or is using palliative care for their loved one? Can you offer me any information or advice on palliative care?



I am in desperate need of help and I have reached out to my mother's radiation oncologist for an order for palliative care and I am waiting for response but I could really use any information and help you all have to offer on palliative care.



My mother has stage 4 lung cancer that spread to her spine and brain. Surgery took a portion of the cancerous spinal tumor and radiation eradicated the rest of the spinal tumor however her lung cancer is growing and inoperable because of it's location and her brain tumors are growing. She just did a second round of brain radiation and is no longer even able to stand, she has gotten so much worse and it is terrifying so I am looking to get palliative care. Her condition is terminal and she is needing a level of care I can no longer provide alone.



Thank you all in advance for your information and help on palliative care <3

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BL, wishing your mom and you good fortune on your journey. As mentioned, Stage 4 (depending on the type of cancer) can be treated these days. I have a friend and an ex-husband, each has had Stage 4 (metastasized breast; prostate) and have each been getting successful treatment for several years.

Don't forget to ask about PT to improve mom's mobility. If walking is no longer possible, wheelchairs are a good safe option.
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BartleyLove Aug 2023
Thank you Barb <3 This means a lot. I appreciate you sharing your experience, this helps a lot. She has PT on board and they are working on her mobility to try to get her up again. She hasn't been able to walk since her diagnosis 2 years ago but she was still able to stand at least which made things a lot easier. I hope the PT can get her standing again.
Thank you <3
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I was confused by the cancer world's use of the word palliative The cancer world often uses the term palliative treatment for patients who are stage 4 and still receiving treatments. Stage 4 isn't the immediate death sentence it was decades ago. My dad's prostate cancer was stage 4 (in his bones) when it was discovered. He lived for 8 years thanks to palliative care treatments.

There are people in stage 4 on the cancer forums that have received over 100 chemotherapy infusions and are still going.
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BartleyLove Aug 2023
Thank you for reading what I wrote and understanding. It is confusing and it is possible to live for years with treatment.
I appreciate you sharing your experiences with me. Reading this helps so much. Thank you <3
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Yes, my son is in the same position as your mom, he still wants treatment so he does not want hospice at this time. 

In my state, many of the hospice services also offer palliative care. You will have to call the palliative care places and ask what services they offer. What services they do offer will vary from company to company. Nothing they offer at this point is helpful for my son. I called several companies hoping one would have a counselor/therapist on staff, everyone we called used clergy. They tried to avoid the question by saying they would need to evaluate my son to see if he needed a therapist.

My sister tried to get my Mom on palliative care when Mom wanted hospice. The bed palliative care brought out was terrible, more of a child's bunk bed, not a real hospital type bed. Mom needed the hospital bed.
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BartleyLove Aug 2023
Thank you for sharing your experience. This was extremely helpful and I really appreciate it. <3
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I think your Mom needs Hospice Care. I have dealt with both Hospice and Palliative for my parents and Palliative is not going to be enough for your poor Mom.

whatever company you use will come do an evaluation and likely place he on Hospice. She will be given comfort care, if she is on Medicare all the cost will be covered.
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Now I understand that she is still calling the shot which her medical team has to honor. However, you seem burned out. So say something that you can no longer care for her if she plans to come home. If there is a way that you can get her doctors to explain to her that she will need a nursing home to continue her care, maybe she will get to agree for hospice.
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BartleyLove Aug 2023
She has been at home living with me for the past 2 years and I have been caring for her alone. I wasn't asking what she needs. I was only asking for palliative care information. Nobody knows what she needs better than she, myself and her doctors.
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"She just did a second round of brain radiation and is no longer even able to stand, she has gotten so much worse and it is terrifying so I am looking to get palliative care."

Why are you choosing palliative care and not hospice care? The treatments have made it so she can no longer stand and her condition is terminal. Why would she continue with curative treatments that are making her worse rather than accept that she is terminal and choose hospice care instead? Palliative care based on your description of it below sounds like your mother is willingly torturing herself to try and cure something that is not curable.

As to your needing help you may have to have her admitted to a facility because home hospice and/or palliative care at home means you will be doing the lions share of caring for your mother.
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BartleyLove Aug 2023
Thanks for your response. My mother is not ready to stop trying. She wants to do everything she can still. She is not ready to give up.
I only need help, as I mentioned before that is all I am looking for and thankfully I've found it.
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Thanks for the update.
From the info in your original post I (and I think most of us) assumed you were no longer seeking curative treatment BartleyLove, but since you are I understand that palliative care is appropriate. I'm glad you found a helpful social worker.
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cwillie Aug 2023
I just want to come back to add a thought - medications and cancer treatments such as radiation that are aimed at relieving pain and suffering can still be part of hospice care.
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I just wanted to update anyone who might be following or looking at this thread.

I spoke with a Social Worker at Moffitt Cancer Center and got some good information.
My mom needs Palliative Care not Hospice Care. Palliative Care is care and support for patients who are still receiving curative treatment for illness. Hospice Care is for patients who are no longer receiving curative treatments for illness. My mother is still receiving treatments for her illnesses. Medicare will cover both of these services. She is also receiving Home Healthcare which is covered by Medicare as well. Home Healthcare and Palliative Care together are just the help I was looking for.
Home Healthcare is not the same as Home Care although they sound very similar. Home Care is not covered by Insurance or Medicare unless you have a special plan that specifies this type of coverage. Home Care is usually paid out of pocket but is more extensive care.
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OncehatedDIL Aug 2023
Yes, my son is in the same position as your mom, he still wants treatment so he does not want hospice at this time.

In my state, many of the hospice services also offer palliative care. You will have to call the palliative care places and ask what services they offer. What services they do offer will vary from company to company. Nothing they offer at this point is helpful for my son. I called several companies hoping one would have a counselor/therapist on staff, everyone we called used clergy. They tried to avoid the question by saying they would need to evaluate my son to see if he needed a therapist.

My sister tried to get my Mom on palliative care when Mom wanted hospice. The bed palliative care brought out was terrible, more of a child's bunk bed, not a real hospital type bed. Mom needed the hospital bed.
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My dad was on Palliative care starting in about may. A Kaiser md visited him biweekly, diagnosed that his ckd had progressed to stage 4 and that he had dementia and possible Parkinson’s. My dad wasn’t prescribed any pain or agitation meds.

He had his last family dinner on July 4. My mom and sister found him delirious and on the floor July 25, after which he went on hospice. They use the same three meds for agitation, that is morphine, Ativan and Haldol/seroquel. He was otherwise untreated until his death Aug 4.
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sp196902 Aug 2023
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Although end of life care is usually termed palliative care in the rest of the world if you are in the US you should be looking at hospice care.

It can be wonderful to have access to a nurse (and perhaps a doctor) who makes home visits but you shouldn't underestimate the amount of hard physical work there is in caring for someone who is completely unable to care for themselves, I advise you to try to find care that can give you access to a hospice facility if necessary.
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BartleyLove Aug 2023
Thank you, I will ask for hospice care instead.
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Your Mom is passed palliative care if she is considered terminal. She needs Hospice care.
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Adding to my original answer;

Hospice or palliative care is not going to provide 24/7 care. They will provide a bath aide, social worker, RN to check vitals and pain/agitation meds.

If you want her to have 24/7 care, you either need to hire in-home health or admit her to a Skilled Nursing Facility.
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BartleyLove Aug 2023
Thanks for your response. As I mentioned above I am just looking for help. She doesn't need 24/7 care. I was hoping someone here had experience with palliative care and could share information on their experience with palliative care.
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Bartley, it sounds as though your mom is in need of hospice care; here is the Hospice Locator tool:

http://www.nationalhospicelocator.com/hospices/florida/north-port

Or you can click the "find care" tab on this site and select hospice.
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BartleyLove Aug 2023
Thank you <3
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