My dad is 88 & came to live with us after suffering a stroke. The stroke was caused by a fall in his home. He was frail, thin & in a wheelchair when he came to live with us. He is now walking with a cane, has gained 4 pounds & is much stronger & in better health. Dad has Alzheimer's & dementia, but reads the paper every day & loves to socialize. We take him everywhere with us, Farmer's Market, out to eat, garage sales, etc. Dad has thrived living with us. Dad has toured 6 assisted living homes & does not like any of them. He can afford private pay but does not want to spend the money. Dad has the option of staying with us (he has his own bedroom & bath), living in a home near my sister or assisted living. He is adamant he wants to move back to his home which is 50 miles away. It's a small town with limited resources. I want to hire in home care to prepare meals, run errands, take him to the dr, give him his meds, bathe him & do housework. He is refusing this too. My own health is declining & we will not be able to visit him but 2-4 x a month. I have POA, but my sister is involved. Short of restraining him & listening to his verbal abuse, what else can we do? I've arranged for his home to be cleaned & some steps repaired prior to his moving back home.
Actually, since you have POA, you can do it, with the Doc's backing, and YOUR Doc's backing--since your Doc knows about your health needs, and that your caretaking is not helping you.
IF your sibling dislikes the move to Assited Living, they can come move the Elder into their own home.
Moving back into his own home is out of the question, since he is unsafe on his own.
If things work in ways that he ends up back in his own home, you can resort to 911 Welfare check requests, letting the police know he demanded to go back to his house, though he is demented/AD, and you are worried for his safety.
The reason you had to let him go was your own fragle health, and you could not withstand his angry outbursts.
He is trying to reassert his lost independence.
It cannot be done.
By letting him return to his home alone, might be seen as "Elder neglect" or something.
In what ways is your sister involved with the POA?
Is she joint in all respects, or only for certain things?
If you put the plan in writing, and had documents/letters from Docs backing it up, would she sign an agreement for moving him to a facility?
[Especially if a mediator were present]?