Hello,
My elderly mother is in independent living, with (until yesterday) a CSA visiting once/week to help her with small things. My mother is cognitively clear most of the time, can dress herself, can get around on a walker. She is not yet at the point where she needs a higher care level.
However, she is so demanding and bullying (and always has been to some extent) that we've gone through seven or eight caregivers. The agencies we've worked with seem incapable of finding anyone who can deal with a cranky old person; they send young women who call me: "You're mom is upset with me today..."
My mother complains about being lonely even though I call her 2-3 a week, her housekeeper (who is a family friend) visits her once/week to clean her room even though the asst living provider has a housekeeper, and, until yesterday, a caregiver who took her to get her hair done etc. even though the provider has transportation AND a hair stylist. My mother can make it over to the dining room, but she complains about the food and has her housekeeper bring her fast food. The activities director reached out to her, but she refuses to participate in anything involving a group. She basically wants everything provided for her, including conversation that her fed-up and introverted son can't provide because he's sick of her constant complaints and demands.
I'm really sick of this. The whole idea of having her in the residential home was for them to look after her, but they have no volunteers available to speak with her and will charge us for anything else. Question: Should I simply refuse to hire any more caregivers, in effect forcing her to rely on the res home for food, transport, etc? Suggestions welcome. As you can tell, I'm quite burned out on all of this. Thanks.
I heard The Rolling Stones play ‘You Can’t Always Get What You Want’ live at Louisiana State University Assembly Center when I was 18. The Stones were great!
I would have never thought of that song being applied to a caregiving situation! LOL 😆 Caregiving was the furthest thing from my mind when I was 18!
It’s certainly true that we can’t always get what we want. All caregivers should listen to that song and apply it to the needs of their loved ones!
So, what do you think of us doing a remake of Paul Simon’s song, 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover? It could be turned into 50 Ways to leave Your Mother!!! LOL 😝
I Saw Simon at New Orleans Jazz and Heritage Festival. He was fantastic!
If she said no and asked them to leave, there is nothing they CAN do.
If she's just going to keep doing that, maybe explore other options.
It's not uncommon for patients to refuse caregiver care, because they only want their family members to do it.