I no longer have a house or car key to my mother's home & car. She has become argumenative regarding her jewerly. According to her, my husband and I are stealing it. It hurts and I can't make her understand that we are not doing this. I have stopped going around because it upsets me so badly. My brother up and moved 800 miles away. I have always been the one close to her. We used to go places with together, talk one the phone several times a day. If she needed help, I did whatever she needed. How do i deal with the complete personality change? This is not my mother anymore.
Hugs!!!
You are right. You cannot make her understand that you are not stealing from her. She is not capable of that insight right now. Without admitting stealing, acknowledge her distress, accept the reality of her feelings, and try to help her find the items. "Oh Mom, how awful that your nice pearl bracelet is missing. I know how much you like that and you must feel really bad that it isn't where it belongs. I don't know anything about why it is missing, and I would never do something so mean to you as take it, but I will certainly look into it for you." Often dementia patients develop a few hiding places they use over and over and so finding missing items may not be as hard as it sounds.
What I highly recommend for you and your dad is to learn as much as you can about the disease your mom has. From experience I can tell you that it is much, much easier to accept and deal with symptoms of the disease than to think your loved one's behaviors are directed against you personally. There are going to be lots of other behaviors on this very bumpy journey that will be distressing to you. Learn about them now. Also, if you can join a local caregiver's support group you will soon see that you are not alone, that what you are experiencing is common, and you'll hear from others what works and doesn't work in dealing with it.
Please, for your sake and your mother's and also your father's, start going around again. Please figure out how to safely take her places. Talk to her on the phone. She is still your mother and I am sure that you still love her. Don't let this awful, terrible, dreadful disease rob all of you of the comfort of that love.