Last week I was so excited about this wonderful retirement community that I had visited, that is like living in a high rated resort. My Dad looked at the brochure and said that would be great place to move to in a couple of years for him and Mom.... HELLO.... you are 92 and 96.
My Mom doesn't like her geriatric Doctor because this doctor will tell Mom that her medical problems, such as her eyes and ears, walking, etc. are age related and that there isn't anything to reverse that. What a face my Mom will make.
Same Doctor suggested to Dad to get one of those Life-Alerts because he will fall occasionally, especially if he is working in the yard. Dad said "that's for old people". Oh well, guess we will leave Dad face down in the dirt and leaves until Mom finds him an hour later. Mom is almost deaf so Dad calling out won't help. Hopefully a neighbor will hear his calls.
I'm ready to help my parents pack to go to a safer environment as their 3-story single family home scares me to death as it is NOT elder proof. All those stairs that they are struggling to go up and down. All that yard work they can barely do anymore [finally they hired someone to mow]... and when it snows, don't get me started on that.
Dang, I wish I could remember which two actresses it was, but anyway: one gives way to another at a doorway with a smile and the words "please… age before beauty!" The older one (it must have been Bette Davis, surely?) sweeps past and throws back the remark "thank you! … and pearls before swine."
I think also that there are so many pre-conceived notions about what elders are supposed to be like and do that it can create resentment from those who are pre-judging.
There's also the fear of how much decline will take place, how much mobility will be limited, life in a facility instead of home, not to mention the ego aspect of becoming less than you have been all your life.
I know it isn't something I want to think about! But I'm having to face it with my father who still insists on doing things that aren't safe. He feels he knows himself well enough to handle these tasks, and he may to a certain extent, but there are always frailties that don't pop up like a computer printout to warn him what to watch out for.
There's also some delusion involved, I think, as a way of rejecting the fact that one is becoming more limited and will need help.
Back in the early 2000s I had just started a new job at a law firm and was the oldest person there. One of the secretaries, a rather precocious and self-absorbed one, had the audacity to ask why I was even working in my 50's and why I wasn't ready to retire.
The question was so stupid that I didn't even bother to answer.
I know what you mean though FF - my mother hates anyone drawing attention to her age. I find it a bit irritating: surely it's better to milk it for all you're worth? I wish everyone were like Mary Ann Sailors in 'Under Milk Wood' calling "I'm 85 years, 3 months and a day!" from her window to greet the morning. But then I also claim to be 39 cough cough cough splutter