I wrote before about my issue. My 89 year old Mom and I just had an argument. They never mentioned or asked me that they were going to rent their apartment for 3 months and stay with us in order to make money. Mom and Dad (91) have rented before and I guess they just assumed it would be ok. I said I know you need to do it, but you never mentioned it to me and asked me if it was ok even though the answer would be yes. My husband and I support them and my brother. My Mom said we don't want to come up to your place during the hurricane because we know that you get nervous when we visit. I told her I get nervous because you end up staying for 4 months when 2 weeks would be a good visit. So she became insulted and hurt and hung up the phone. I tried to smooth things out by saying I would never visit anyone for that length of time and I think you do it because you are bored. The 3 month renting issue is over money but when they stayed for a hurricane it ended up a few weeks then a trip to Europe they came 1 month before departure. She said I love being with you for the 3 months. I responded Oh come on tell the truth - Dad hates Virginia and feels cooped up and you sleep all day and can't go out because it's the winter. Just tell the truth. She said how can you hurt your parents like that. Well then she said I put words in her mouth and hung up. Do I feel guilty for not wanting them for an extended period visiting? How do I apologize or don't I apologize? Thanks
Your situation is so enabling. Your parents support a 60 yr old son so that straps them for money and YOU pay their mortgage. Now they want to rent it so they can have money on a condo YOU pay for. You should be getting the rent money if you pay the Mortgage for that 3 months.
I really see your point, Mom is all nicey nicey when she is trying to get her way.
Tell her not this time. Her and Dad have to live within their means. If brother is a threat, he needs to be removed. Its their fault they allowed it to go as far as it has with him. Whats going to happen when ur parents are gone? I hope u have told ur brother and ur parents that u aren't caring for brother.
Maybe its time for all to sit down and look at finances. It looks like Mom and Dad can't afford where they are. Maybe time to sell the condo and get into a low income retirement community. Its not fair to you to support 3 people who just need to make changes. You need to look at your retirement future.
What is important here is that YOU DO NOT LOVE IT.
Please. Just stick with what YOU feel. Tell her that you may be lacking in many ways, but that you do not like visits from ANYONE for more than two weeks. That is what you can provide. You are on for a two week visit. More is out of the question. THEN SHE CAN HANG UP. Because her hanging up now is just to bully you into her getting her way. THIS hangup will at least be for real, because you will have set a boundary, and she won't like that.
She'll get over it. Or not.
The financial situation is NOT your problem. You do not have to fix it for them. You have to fix your own family, your own problems.
And you did put words in her mouth. She is absolutely right. Now use your own words and just tell her "NO. That isn't happening".
Hugs. This will be a fight any way you look at it. And it might just as well be one YOU win, not her.
They will continue this behavior IF you do not stick to your boundaries. Say what you mean.....and mean what you say.
My daughter and her hubby and 2 kids lived with us for 3 months between Med School and residency. It was absolutely awful....we didn't fight, but it was a constant struggle for 'power' and in the end, this is MY home and we were financially helping them so much.....They were messy, unorganized and took advantage of the free babysitting---which was such a mixed blessing, as we knew we wouldn't see our babies every week----
NO WAY WOULD I EVER, EVER house any of our parents.
Your parents sound like classic users----and don't let them. Yes, a visit of a week or possibly two is fine if you all agree beforehand....but 3 months?
Don't let them guilt you into doing this!! My MIL is making 'sounds' about hw=ow hard it is to live alone and have so many worries about her house and car and such...she's 90. My poor SIL is dying inside b/c she knows her mom wants to move in with HER and she already has her daughter and kids living there. She's going to have to be mean and say no and it's already eating at her.
I said NO to that one years and years ago. Whenever DH brings it up--I say "You can certainly have your mom live here, but I won't be here." He knows I mean it.
You have to be tough and mean (it feels like it) but you'll thank yourself.
Your parents can afford to go to Europe, if they are doing that because you are letting them stay for free while they rent their condo, you are basically funding their trip.
I cannot imagine anyone staying in my home for more than a week. And it would be because I invited them.