I take care of my 98 year old MIL who has recently moved in with us because none of her other adult children could make a decision about what to do. She had been living at home by herself and going a month without a bath and peeing everywhere. We had to act and take her home. She has so much money and won’t spend it on herself or care. She returned her hearing aids when she found out how much they were and canceled caregivers we set up at her house. Now she’s at our home and gets mad if I spend anything on her care. Money is all she thinks about! Also we have made her wear diapers and she gets angry everytime I buy them. I’m so frustrated!!
Like your MIL, my aunt is a penny pincher, as well. We had home care attendants against her wishes. She decided she no longer needed them, even though she clearly does. So now she is home, basically alone, and I do not know what is going on with her, but I know it can't be good.
If you can get her in a facility, please do. It's where she belongs. My aunt fights tooth and nail to go into a facility, and doesn't want home care, but wants others to come visit and help.
Whether you hire caregivers to come in the home or place her in a facility tell her Medicare pays for it . Lie, lie, lie .
It will only get worse , I vote for memory care facility .
This will never work, she has lived her life, it is time for you to live yours.
This is her children's problem not yours, stop being their crutch.
Good Luck!
If she doesn't have a PoA... then you made need to call 911 and have her transported to the hospital on the pretense that she is having some problem (confusion, combativeness, a UTI, etc). Once there, ask for a social worker and ask for a social admission. They may be able to transition her directly into a facility from the hospital. The county would probably move to acquire guardianship, at which point, family no longer controls her medical or financial decisions, or has insight into her affairs/accounts. Make sure other family members don't go to retrieve her from the hospital, otherwise you'll be back to square 1. Sometimes the hospital staff will promise to provide "help" once she's out and back home but this isn't true: it's just a ruse to get her out.
For now, ignore her anger: don't react to it. Walk away or divert the conversation and don't let her control the topic. Don't waste time or emotional energy on her endless, irrational anger... it will exhaust everyone.
Best of luck.