My father passed away on November 2,2012 while my mom was in rehab for hip injury. I am her cargiver now, in my own home. She was diagnosed with Alzheimers in March of this year. It is in the moderate stage. How do I deal with people who seem to be in denial that she has Alzheimers? People offer me their own diagnosis, "she is just grieving for your dad and it will go away" or "she just needs to exercise more and it will go away", I do not want to be rude, but want to tell them that I feel like her Neurologist knows a little more than they do about Alzheimers.
The other problem with Alzheimer's and other types of dementia is that people subconsciously think that "if it happened to her it could happen to me." It's almost like they think it's contagious. So they say something quick and easy and pretend it will go away.
Your good friends should know better. If a good friend is giving you this kind of answer, have a talk with him or her and say, "No, it won't go away. She has a disease that will only get worse, and I'll need people to talk with."
I'd suggest that you continue to take part in this forum. People here know how you feel because they have first hand experience. Also, if you go to www.alz.org, the National Alzheimer's Association can help you a great deal. If your community has an Alzheimer's organization, that's also a great place to seek support. Group meetings with people who really understand can help more than you'd imagine.
Take care of yourself,
Carol
I still have one sister that ignores what is going on with mom, she calls, but she has no empathy towards the situation at all.
What I did was ignore what they said and did what I believed it right, that is what I will continue to do.
I am not trying to be arrogant or mean, but I have the medical POA, I have lived with my mom or she has lived with me for the past 2 years. I pay her bills and support her past what he social security is. So while they are my sisters and family, they really do not get to have a vote or a say. So if they don't believe me, I just ignore them or have nothing to do with them.
Believe me I have had some interesting battles with different family members. I avoid those that are not good for my health or my mom's. For example, my mom has a younger sister who keeps telling everyone that my mom should be in a nursing home. We are going to be near her home in May, so I am going to take my mom for a short visit and I mean a short visit. We are not staying for more than a night because it is not good for mom's health or mine. My mom doesn't want to go and we have had an agreement for a long time. So I don't want to hear her tell me what I should do. If my aunt wants to be put in a nursing home that is her choice, but my mom is not going.
So say thank you to them and move on. Sometimes it is better for ones health to not let others get you down. It will be up to them to deal with when they figure out it is real.
Keep in mind that most people mean well, and remember back before you learned about Alzheimer's up close and personal. Mostly people say dumb things out of ignorance, not malice.
IF I were in your shoes, I would just do what I have to do and try to develop a thick skin. You really can't 'convince' people who want to second guess you or have already decided that you are off base. If you just can't take being unable to convince them, I would offer up the responsibility to them. See who the takers are.
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