I had many caregivers taking care of my mom for the last fourteen years. There were always problems. Either she didn’t want them or they had issues. This year she had an embolectomy on January 20, 2022, and she was discharged home two days later. She started declining after that. She did not walk, did not eat much. Sleeping long hours. I had to fire some caregivers because they were not good. I now placed her in the nursing home. She is extremely upset. She had told me from the beginning she never wants to go to a nursing home. She doesn’t speak English. There is a language barrier. She eats special food that I have to buy her. It doesn’t get served in the nursing home. I am just worried that she doesn’t eat or drink because of being unhappy and no one understands her. Either way I am always worried or frustrated. She is 94 and has dementia. She cannot walk, hard of hearing, gets thirsty for water a lot. I don’t know if it was the right decision?
I was designated "the one" in charge of when and where to put our mother in a NH, which no one wanted but it became a matter of safety. That's a big load. I did the right thing, and so did you. We really can only do what we can do...until we can't.
You took care of your mother and still are, but with all the worrying you are doing, please remember to take care of yourself. Even if you think you are, you might not really be doing it like you should.
Warm wishes to you and your mom.
Or, have you considered having her assessed for hospice? Sometimes you can have hospice in your home (but I'm not sure what this entails). My FIL was on hospice in his home when in his last stage of cancer. May you receive peace in your heart that you're doing your best for her!
Is there a Skilled Nursing facility or Memory Care facility in an area that has many residents of the same ethnicity? Many communities have "neighborhoods" that have many immigrants from the same country so finding a facility might be a little easier. Or it is possible that many of the staff are from those areas. Maybe it would be easier for your mom even if it might be less convenient for you if it is a distance away.