ever since my sister had contacted me to smooth some stuff out with a social worker things have been a little rocky between herself and I but now I understand she had liver failure from drinking herself to death all these months and so now, it turns out my brother-in-law has stepped into all the roles. while he was caring for my sister I was caring for my dad but now it's like different. we had also agreed to share information that come to find out my father was in the hospital for five freaking daysand he never ever told me about it. which worries me because that's what happened when my sister ended up in the ICU I wasn't even told for three full days and when I called the nurses station they told me to hold on they wanted to get their supervisor and asked me when I had been told about her being there and I said that day at 5:00 p.m. and she says well your sister's been here 72 hours already. the caretaker I had come and take care of my dad when I was going to be working cuz he moved me into his place and I had to go to work for 4 days straight so I got an ex nurse that we all know and a family friend to come and watch my dad I paid out of pocket but he was doing so well that he wanted her to stay for a month so I went back to where I was living for the month so she could have more time with him. then all of a sudden when I'm getting off the freeway my elderly dad says I need to call first which blew me away from left field and I thought what do you mean I need to call I live there? or at least that's what came out inside my head but what came out my mouth was I'm your daughter and you're only one left in a few days you know and I couldn't believe that he was asking me to call first when I'm supposedly live there. it became quite a mess it still is quite a mess because my brother-in-law is very invasive and we need to sit down and talk cuz also left behind is my nephew whom has Asperger's. I want to do right by my nephew and I want to only help but I also really don't want him in charge of my dad's medical choices and decisions because ultimately he doesn't even know all my dad's ailments and he fought my sister on us about putting him into a smaller place and put them in there like a sardine instead of the one he got help at and was much bigger and have way more room in case covid outbreak. at any rate my sister called me because the social worker was going to be helping a case on her because my sister's husband wouldn't be quiet in the background he's very high strung very high stress and ultimately decided to hang the phone up on the social worker because she couldn't get her husband to be quiet and she just couldn't deal with it anymore she was having a huge episode of anxiety because of it all. damn my sister and her husband moved in with their child into the front house that had already been tailored I have hard work so hard and getting the bathroom ripped out and tailored to his every need so that if there was a bather there's an extra shower head and he can sit in the bench seat with a pad on it all the safety bars throughout the house everything and chairs that lift him all the way up to standing position his bed that adjusts all different ways had his TV put up above his bed in the farthest wall and wires run under the house because he can't lay on his sides because his bad back it's horrifying it's just terrible for him, so ultimately they come and move a man out of the front house that he has worked his entire life with my mother his wife to buy that house and they take him out of it and stuff them in this little two bedroom tiny Adu. downsize this furniture through all the pots and pans out that my mother had bought over the years didn't even call me to see if I wanted any of it it's just been horrifying downsize this furniture through all the pots and pans out that my mother had bought over the years didn't even call me to see if I wanted any of it it's just been horrifying experI miss my sister so much
It's not that we don't want to help you but I'm not sure you even formed a question. There is almost no punctuation and a whole lotta information and I for one cannot make out what it is you need from this forum. The only question mark I found was, "...I thought what do you mean I need to call I live there?"
So, come back and please edit this down to whatever questions you have, with only the barest essential information. Maybe you don't have a question, you just want to vent and that's 100% ok -- we just need to know this is what you're doing.
May you receive wisdom and peace in your heart as you work through the complexities of your situation.
I would go to the courts and request a copy of the guardianship papers, if they do not exist then BIL is not being honest. He may have POA, which your dad would have had to give him.
Here's the thing, you either have to be there to deal with dad or let others do it, you can not be in charge of the boots on the ground family caregivers and question everything they do, it causes conflict, and not be present. I would not ever deal with anybody that is not there trying to run the show and I am sure there are many that agree with me. Hands on caregiver wins!
I am one of the many who agrees with you! Your last paragraph is spot on. 👍
plus during all this my dad says they closed his bank account down well of course my sister didn't want to tell me that but I mentioned it again on her dying and he said that they had and I thought what you closed my parents bank account down that they have for over 50 years no wonder my dad can't use his ATM card and it's kept in their house and he wants to order a pizza and can't do it well the pizza guy can't even get to himcuz he's threw a back gate in the backyard and has no doorbell out there. I have asked my brother-in-law to come out here and get together several times and then I relaxed and let him have his moments and stuff and I've waited and waited and waited for him to show up or call me or text me and say okay I'm ready now it's been time consuming it's been already enough time he can go and hook up with Debbie's friends for a walk you know but yet I'm her sister and we need to be on the same page cuz you're ultimately in charge of all the property my dad everything and I'm hurting just like you are but I need us to meetI need to be on the same page as him I need to know what's going on with everything legally all the documents everythingand ultimately I need to pass my big ass file to him on my Dad's health because he does not know everything about my dad I have kept copies for years of my dad and mother's health records I have it here I I've done so much for my dad it's not even funny and when they can't make their own decision it really sucks. also my sister had said something about I have been removed from the will or something and then I asked my dad that and he says he doesn't recall doing it but he doesn't even know what he's doing cuz he's signing documents he has no knowledge of and then when he got home he goes I'll take care of it I'll call them and fix it and then he didn't even know who to callI'm a little worried needless to say I'm a little worried I don't trust my brother-in-law to have things in care of him for my nephew becauseI'm a little worried needless to say I'm a little worried I don't trust my brother-in-law to have things in care of him for my nephew because it just doesn't seem to be a priority of him to be forthright to me and let me know about my father it's not his blood that's my blood father even stated to me that in the garage that he worked his life for my brother-in-law told him to suck it up and go back to his unit in the back he's causing nothing but stress well my dad didn't feel good so for two more days he was in lots of pain cuz he gets stomach pains he has diverticulitis he has a bad back a crumbled cement thing they put in his back it's a horrible mess Tails make him have backed up bowel movements and stools and when no one's walking him three house lengths like he's supposed to be doing see I make him do everything he's supposed to do ultimately that's why I annoy the s*** out of them I make him eat a full plate of food if he's planing on having