Does anyone have any positive experience with assisted living centers?

When we started looking into asst. living for my mother-in-law, we looked at a half dozen at least and had a deposit on 3 of those. We opted for the smaller one in the end. It does NOT take Medicare people, so when her money runs out, she'll have to be moved. But we thought it was worth the risk of that happening because we liked it so much. She has macular degeneration and dementia, so putting her into a huge facility was scary. This way she never gets lost. ha Anyway, I would spend a little time talking to the residents too. Take advantage of the option that most places will give you, having lunch on them at the asst living place. Sit and visit with the people and see what they're saying. Also, some of the places we saw had retirement/asst. living/memory care either attached, or really close by. That's another thing to keep in mind as your folks need more care. While we had my father-in-law in Adult Foster Care for awhile before he died and worked great for him, it wouldn't work for her since she likes taking her walker out and walking the halls, which isn't an option usually for foster care since they're a residential house. One place we looked at had paint peeling and the carpets were pretty bad. I remember thinking, 'what are they spending all this money on, cause it's sure not maintenance?' In that case it turned out that the food was being raved about by the residents. So apparently they were spending less on upkeep, and more on the menu. Go figure. Keep your eyes and ears open when visiting, you'll find a good one I'm sure.

There are some nice ALFs out there and they aren't all terribly expensive. It has been such a blessing to have our mother in an ALF. Her health has improved because she now has regular meals, never misses her meds, and even participates in a resident-led exercise program. She gets manicures and pedicures at the in-house beauty shop for free. Sure, the place looks a little depressing --- that can't be helped when so many people are very old and frail, and there isn't a lot of money to keep things spiffy. They depend on volunteers for social activities and entertainment, so there isn't much going on, which is too bad; some places do better at that. Mother was depressed at first because "everybody is so old." Well, yes. But she's safe!

Here's what we do to make it better for her: we hired a nice lady to be on call to drive her to her medical appointments, weekly hairdo, or just take her out for a drive. She charges $10 an hour and uses our mother's own, familiar car. She texts us a weekly statement of # of trips, where they went, and hours, but otherwise it's understood that the trips don't have to be urgent or important---if Mother wants to visit her old home, or drive around, that's OK. Mother has subscriptions to the local newspaper and favorite magazines, and she has her own phone. Although we live a long way away, we call several times a week. She has a few friends who visit her and so far some some out-of-town family member or friend has visited every month.

Shop around, visit places, above all watch how the staff interact with the residents. Are they kind? Alert? Does the place smell OK? Is the food tasty and attractive? Are there at least a few other residents at the same level of function, so she has someone to talk to?

And if you live in the same town as your parent, even better. You can get by regularly. As time goes on, Mother is realizing that in many ways she's more independent now than she was at home, with part-time help, or living with me.

Where we live in MA, there are a few assisted living homes which are very good and which also do take state insurance (MassHealth) so that when the $ runs out, the residents are able to stay. This is the exception, but it's out there. I am also looking into this option for my MIL. She is needing more frequent care and I am not sure how much longer I can continue to provide it.

My mother has demensia and was adament about staying in her own home, but she wasn't safe even with four children and someone downstairs helping out. We found a group home that specializes in demensia patients, has 6 residents (including mom) 2 to 1 care, 24 hours, great food, and takes medicade. We split up the week and visit her at least 5 times a week. It's very cool also because they have an online log that they post to after every shift and you can read how she's doing. At first I thought they were only posting the good stuff because she seemed to be doing so much better then when we were actually visting her at the home, but then they started posting the stuff when she was acting out also and I figured out she does a lot better when we're not there and was saving the antics (crying, begging to 'go home', saying she was going to kill herself, they don't feed me here, they don't like me) for when we visited. All in all, we feel blessed because she is safe and all of her needs are taken care of.

Yes, talk to the other residents. And not just one or two. Speak to at least 3 or 4. Also, if your parents money is limited, it might be a good idea to try and get a facility that is Medicaid approved, so that they can possible stay there once they run out of money. We moved my Mom and her lifetime friend into Assisted Living in Janaury and unfortunately he died in March. His health was very frail, and the nurses at the facility did not take a cold he caught very seriously and he passed away in his sleep. Anyway she is alone there now with dementia. She likes it overall, complains and crys about being lonely, but on the other hand, she like the food (dining room 3 times a day), the other residents are very nice, the CNAs that deliver her medicine (3 times a day) are very nice and the activity director is wonderful. My complaints, the nurses (only 2 for over 50 residents) are overworked and/or not attentive to residents, because they spend so much time accessing what "level of service" each resident should be on. As a family caretaker, it is hard for me to know what meds Mom is on since the nurses are so unwilling to work or report to the family. This facility requires that all meds be ordered by their own nurses thru one specific pharmacy, so we are paying a whole lot more in drug costs than necessary.The activities at this facility are very limited and no activities for dementia.

My mother loves the assisted living home she is living in. There is no buy in at this home. It is a month to month lease.It is a well known company and very affordable. She has stated many times she wished she had moved there long before she did.

All good suggestions above but one thing you need to do is keep a eye on is what goes on during the late evening and overnight shifts.Most facilities are for profit and many are short shifted overnights,weekends and holidays.Visit often and during off hours.If possible have siblings drop in unannounced and not on a regular time schedule.Many times you don't even need to wake you loved one up,just a small kiss and a hug will do.If you get a lot of negative feedback or the cold shoulder from the staff beware and prepare to move on quickly.We kept our mom at home as long as possible but numerous times when we were in rehabs I would wander the AL sections late at night and it was a madhouse,especially the dementia units.We ended up in the later stages of dementia in a nursing home and that was nothing but serious and profound headaches for three years.I had done my homework and toured probably 30 facilities and that place was one of the better ones (five star rating) so I ponder to this day what the bad ones were really like.Remember too the care level at some places can change very rapidly if just a few key staff members leave suddenly.Treat the caregivers and nurses with respect and bring them little treats as often as possible and use lots of kind words.

Assisted Living means just that, assisted.
It is independent in the sense that you need to be able to be mobile
and that you need to know where you are going,
meaning that you have to have enough memory,
to be able to navigate the facility.

Our 86 year old probably needed more, as she waited to go home everyday, she did not realize she was in an assisted living, she did not know where she was and had to stay by the phone, so she did not miss the call that said she was going home. When she was sick with the flu, no one checked in on her or made her eat a little something, they deposited her food tray in her room, she had gone down to 97 pounds, by the time she was pulled out of the facility(by someone who had managed to get a different power of attorney).

We wish her POA's had found a small one, but her AL resembled a honey comb she really had to navigate, as she was in the second or third cell in and that meant 2 or 3 hallways of rooms on each side(of knowing which hallway to navigate as each floor and section started with five (entrances) hallways) and an elevator trip to get to the roaring fireplace with appetizer snacks, that their adds showed on television.

She could not navigate and was trapped.
That would be an important feature, the size.
Her facility did not post anything, that is sure a plus.
Her facility, had the ability to keep their rooms locked, the people who gave trays had a pass key, the nurses had a pass key, so it could seem to our 86 year old that she were locked in, so she could not happen to see someone, passing in the hall or have company, by chance.

Also our 86 year old was an immigrant although she had been in America for 50 years she ate only ethnic food, the food she cooked, suddenly there were no schnitzels, spaetzle, pannekuchen, sourkraut, etc. offered on the menu, these are somethings to think about...

Had her POA's really thought about not only her safety, but her well being, she actually might have stayed in an assisted living facility because she might have actually felt like she was home. We also do not know what we will be doing, as I am graduating college in a few weeks and will have to get a job, I have been her caregiver, since 2006, her full-time caregiver since 2007 and her court appointed non-paid caregiver for the last year.
Let us know how your search goes as I know it is a process we may have to take on. Our 86 year old has gained her weight back and doing well, but needs 24 hour care.

My grandmother was in assisted living until the last 5 days of her life. So when my father was told this fall that he was unable to go home and my mom wanted to stay with him, we started looking at elderly apartments and assisted living facilities. In reviewing all their brochures and materials and visiting them. We found one that will keep my parents until life's end. When I read that I thought what does this mean? In talking with the owners what I found is that if one of my parents falls, after leaving the hospital, they come back to them, not a nursing home. If they get sick and are bedridden, they don't send them off to the nursing home, they will bring in hospice. They want them to stay in their own room and own bed until they die. So we started asking each of the facilities how they handle decreasing health issues and falls. In one of the facilities, my parents could start out in a one bedroom apartment, then if one of them passed away they would be moved to a small unit, the one remaining gets sick, they would move into a higher care room and lastly nursing home. That would be 4 moves and each time they are moved, it impacts my parents physically and mentally. Additionally we would have to do the work each time. So these words meant a lot to us, as my parents want to be together to life's end. Three weeks after moving in my mom fell and broke her hip. After 3 days in the hospital, she came back to the facilities. They arranged for physical therapy to come to her. When she was more mobile then she went out for her therapy. We are fortunate to live in Minnesota, my parents had just enough money to go ahead of the medicare list and paid for their care fir about 4 months. Now that they are there and they have spent down their money. They then were approved by the state to covering their costs and the State doesn't move them because there is cheaper care somewhere else. This is family owned assisted living facilities has about ten in our area. Extremely well run, they RN handles all the medical issues with me directly to be sure my parents are getting the best care. Look around, as there are many types of assisted living facilities. Bring your parents there to see how the staff interact with them while you are looking around. This gave us a good insight to places and how they would be with them after they moved in. Also be aware that assisted living is expensive but so is nursing home care. The staff ratio is much higher in nursing homes also.

I go to bed at night knowing that my parents are happy, safe, clean, feed and being watched, taken to the bathroom at night and getting their medicine routinely. When their health issues have changed such as falling and breaking hips, falling out of bed, confusion. I get a call and they have guided me through the process, made suggestions of equipment that would work and then the plans are followed.

In my grandmother's case, I know she loved a longer more productive life because of the people that loved and cared for her. I have seen the same thing with my parents even after one year. I know that as I get older that I would be happy to find a place like my parents have.

Yes I have had some good experiences. And please do take care of yourself before you "keel" over as I nearly did. I can think of some things to check on though. Very important is how flexible they are about food and such. They are ALL sales people, nice or not and they will show you the moon and stars but what you really get can be different.

Drop in without an appointment and talk to the residents. Match what your parents want with what the ALF offers. My mother is not social so social events would not matter to her. See if and how long they can offer increasing levels of care. If not you may have to add (at the very end, sorry) hospice to the ALF care and if that is not enough, go into a nursing home. I had the best luck with the small private houses that had slightly trained staff for my budget. Speaking of staff, make sure there is enough help. Some of the swanky ALFs that look like Club Med do not have enough staff. If your parents can still take their own meds, they can go to a place where the staff are not highly trained.
A lot of doctors are making house calls to ALFs again but I have found them to be "bottom of the barrel." Last thing I can think of is to consult someone who is an expert that is not trying to sell you. Do NOT reveal all your assets, they have wiggle room in their prices. Best of luck and prayers, Virginia

I agree elevators are a huge issue. My mom who was 85 at that time could not manage the elevators well. Although she already had a degree of dementia at that point, had lived her life in a very small community and had limited exposure to them in her life. Being on the main floor is preferable as mobility issues progress. Consider where activities are held. They are more likely to attend if they can hear the music or see that something is going on. Large facilities may have all social activities on one floor, usually the main floor. Size of the facility is also important. A maze of rooms and too many people is very overwhelming. Take them with you when you find 2 or 3 that have potential. Look at options for location and room layouts. Lwentanon has very good points. The way they eat is important. Ethnic food is rarely on the menu. We would bring food in or take mom out often.

I would ask if you have any long term care policies on either of them. Nomally they need to be under 80 yr old to purchase them. If that wasn't gotten then the ability to keep them in their home with home health aides will probably fail in the long run. Neither of them are really that old yet so perhaps some paid help and keeping them in place should be considered. A they will be happier in their home and B it will not draw down as much of their financial assets. They may be young and fit enough for medical or social day care programs which gives them supervision for the day but they are back home for each evening and night.
I have one friend who had a positive relationship with an ALF for her 2 parents. However the move was made for the mother's health concerns and of course she passed about 8 mo after placement and the healthier father is stuck in the facility (he only went into the facility to be with his wife who passed away). He could really still be living independently or with a little bit of home care but it isn't an option now because all their assets have been spent at the ALF.

I would check out veteran homes too. Often an elderly person who was in the service can qualify for an opening and they are far less expensive (will not impoverish your parents). They pay a fee based on their income etc.

The trouble with all placements, you lose control over exactly who they hire to care for the residents. Yes you can complain but I haven't seen that to be very effective. Many of my friends have had problems with the aides taking care of their parents and since the facility hires them--they were stuck.

It is a big decision, if a placement is required do lots and lots of research. Get an ALF which is required to keep them when they get weaker and need nursing home level care. You don't want them to be discharged needing that level of care, without any savings left and you are looking for a quality nursing home and have no reason for them to take your parents. Most nursing homes want
patients with $$ before they lose it and go on Medicaid. These are the sad realities of elder care in our country.

Good luck.

Elizabeth

I have not had a family member in AL but there is one near here where 3 different ladies from our church have moved at different times and they all loved it. As I mentioned they were not there at the same time so their satisfaction was not because they were all there together as friends. Two of the ladies had dementia and have passed away. One is still there and seems to be OK mentally and is still very happy.

I have heard of more positive AL experiences than I have of those caregiving at home, or the caregiver's home. My mother is living with us and won't consider AL, but I think everyone here would be happier if she would.

Over seeing the care of my 86 y/o mother with dementia in a ALF has it's own stress and frustration. She has limited $$ so we can't afford the ones that have topnotch administration. (When we first came to this one we did have a good admin, she left 4 months later and took half the staff!) Visit several times at various times and at least one meal time, a location that is convenient helps, noise level is important, (TV, aides, cleanup other residents.) I am a squeaky wheel when I need to be. If I had to do it again I would take the list and ask about the longevity of the staff and question what admin's goal are. We did have a list and asked many of the questions. I've found where ever she's been ALF, rehab, hospital, dental hygiene is not big priority. Even BM's seem to be low on the list, to me the more regular a person the less discomfort...ha of course I know IBS is another issue. Get on a waiting list and start now, don't wait until burnout, or the fire has started to take action. Be well ~M

My husband is in an ALF. He prefers a family home with just a few residents as opposed to a large facility. The first 2 homes he was in did not work out. In the first one they totally ignored him except to take care of his physical needs. In the second the owner/caregiver was verbally abusive. You never know what you are getting until your loved one has been there awhile. The owners/caregivers are always nice when you interview them. He is now in a home where he is treated with respect. He has been there almost 3 years.

So, don 't give up if the first facility doesn't work out. When you find a place, make a few unannouncerd visits so you can see what is going on.

Also, check on your state's Medicaid program to see if your parent qualifies before spending all of their money on care. You may need to hire an elder law attorney to help you wade through all the legal paperwork.

Be sure to take care of yourself or you won't be of any help to your loved one.

My experience since July of 2012 has not been good with assisted lving. Mother in stage 5 Alzheimer's, wet macular degeneration and fell 2/27/13 and compressed lumbar 2, not a candidate for surgery.

The staff has turned over almost 100% since she moved in. The administrator is new, there about 2 years, the last one retired from there and was wonderful. I have doubts about this administrators abilities.

They seem to look for reasons not to provide care to the residents. For instance, mother needsd a back brace since her fall and it was a battle to get that lined up and the staff has complained they shouldn't put the brace on because it is restraining her.

I suggest you read your states regulations for the assisted living facilities and ask many questions. They will lie to you. But this is one area you need to know your rights for sure since you are caring for a loved one.

I haven't met anyone that has had a pleasant experience with nursing homes or assisted living...........

I have had some older friends and relatives who have moved into nice assisted living places , some as singles or widows/widowers for the company and others as married couples who wanted a little help with some things but were mostly independent.

These places can vary wildly in facilities, rules and regulations, staff (most are underpaid and often underqualified and some just don't care about residents because they don't get paid a lot and have resentment towards employers. I know one who is a suicidal alcoholic who wrapped her car around a tree because a man turned her down for a dance at a bar) and in what payments/insurance they take. Some may offer skilled care for later on and even hospice care while others do not and you might have to move if you need those things.

Check them out to see if there have been complaints. Pop in when least expected and peek around to see what is REALLY going on. Chat with staff. Are they grumbling about residents, work, or their dating lives? Find out the qualifications to work there. Is the place clean? Talk to residents and to ex-residents. Why did people leave? If they have a Facebook page, go see what people are saying there.

My experience has been very good. Both in AZ and IL. My MIL is on a yearly lease. She in doing rehab due to a stroke on one side. My own mother is in a smaller one in IL. and they have been wonderful.

My 87 year old father has been living in an Assistant Living Facility for 8 months now, and he likes it. He is able to take care of himself, so we are at the lowest rate, but as he starts to worsen, they have steps of care that we will be able to move him. His favorite thing is the meals, they have a chef that does the cooking and we like coming and having meals with him, the food is that good. He likes being with people his own age, and they have a barber/beauty shop on facility, they even have a small store that is ran by the people that live at the facility. They have functions, Friday night they have happy hour. Field trips, a bus that takes residents to shopping malls, doctor's visits, and more. My father has a home care nurse coming every other Friday to change his catheter, there is a large pond were he can watch the turtles, birds, and in the summer, they have a fishing tournament. My dad does pay for this, they do not except Medicaid, or other. They do have apartments for couples, they allow pets, it is like he lives on a cruise ship and his studio apt is just his space. Check Emeritus, they may be in your state, my father is in Southern California, and we were surprised that the facility was very reasonable for California, were everything is so expensive.

Even though I am aged [82] I still sing in a barbershop quartet. Much of our entertaining is done at Assistd Living Homes. I knew some of the people who I see in our audiences and they are quite comfortable. I know several who have chosen assisted living and have been there for 6 or 7 years. By the way they warm my hearts by being glad to see the quartet is back again.

I agree with everyone in that you need to do your homework. Laws vary from state to state. I live in Texas, work in this industry and care for my mother-in -law who is in an Independent Living Community with Home Health and Home Care added. Medicaid does not pay for Assisted Living Communities where I live. Unfortunately if you are on medicaid your only option is a nursing home.
Your state should have a licensing bureau for all assisted living communities. Check with them to see if there is a list of reports of any complaints on any facility.
Visit at all times of day and night and talk to residents and other family members. If you drop by after work you can probably catch a few families coming and going.
Most of the people I have met in AL communities have a big heart and really care about the seniors they care for. What you need to ask however is how they like their job and how long have they worked there. I help families find places for their parents and one of the questions I tell them to ask is about staff turnover. If there is constant staff turnover stay away. The management has problems and this will affect the care your parent gives. I too am a big fan of the smaller group homes (we call them personal care homes) especially for those with dementia.
Remember you are or should be most focused on the care received not the outward visual appearance. Of course you want the place to be clean but the newest and fanciest place may not have the best care and care is what you are really paying for.

My husband resides in an Assistant Living facility for dementia residents. I tried to take care of him myself but since we are only two years apart, the drs. thought that was not a good idea and that I should look into placing in a nursing facility. We are blessed because he has long term care insurance. I found out that due to the licensing here in Texas, AL is classified differently and his long term care will pay a nursing home $7,000.00 per month but will only pay about $3750.00 for AL. That's okay since his retirement will make up the shortfall. We live in Dallas and he is in a very lovely AL with caring staff, daily activities, barber shop, manicures, pedicures, staff nurse, visiting doctors, etc. Though I still take him to his personal dentist, take him for a drive on good days, stop for an ice cream cone, etc. He enjoys being there. It is small and broken into four houses as we call them---different colors, etc. I chat with the other residents and they all enjoy visiting with different caregivers. He has his own room but shares a bath with another resident which is okay. They do laundry though I bought his furniture for his room and all his bedding. That way I know what he is sleeping on. And yes, I paid the community fee of $1500.00 but that was okay too. After checking many nursing homes, I found that the AL was a better fit for him. My husband was an engineer so he is among other engineers and get along splendidly. Oh yes, the food is good, after many of the caregivers including myself complained when the AL went through a bad patch with their head nutritionist. I eat lunch with my husband sometime so I know the food is good. I hope this will help you and please take care of yourself. BTW, my husband has vascular dementia and as with Alzheimer's, it will not get better.

Thank you everyone for all of these well thought suggestions and insights.

So many things I never would have even thought of if you all hadn't mentioned them! I'm going to re read all these posts and write a nice long list of things to look for for when I start visiting
these places so I can weed out the list. I was not aware of many of the
negative situations that can occur so thank you all for the heads up on those things..very helpful to look out for them before moving someone in.

I will definately start now before a crises (great idea). Great idea of hiring someone as an on call driver to take
the resident wherever they want to go whenever they want to.
I can see that greatly helping to maintain the emotional/mental state of the parent as well as the physical.

Thank you all so much for taking the time to respond.

The caregivers journey is not an easy one, but thank goodness there
are options that exist today. Great to know that there are places where the
care reciever is content, safe and happy especially for those of us who really
cant manage the 24/7 move in care.

I saw good and bad with the AL community experience for my parent. It started out affordable. However, the "add-ons" escalated after a few years. Rates of $3.50 to do a 20-second dropoff of a meal at the door. They had a cart and did them all on a "route" at mealtimes, not when the parent wanted the meal. They charged what they deemed "1/2- hour service" to do a 5 minute job like adjust a tv, change a lightbulb, etc, I was amazed when I asked for a detailed printout of charges. Also, the rate increases! The residents got a letter informing them of the increases, and the wording indicated "like it or move." I do not think when one section's A/C units go out that the entire complex should ante up. Doesn't the company have a capital fund or insurance to pay for those things? Also, the staff decreased and the costs increased. I found a lot of BS reasons for increases. Once the rent-increases are in place they are never decreased, even if the "repair" gets paid for or the staffing costs adjust. Increases of at least $100/mo per resident? When increases got to $150/mo on top of almost $3.000 in rent already, I had to move my parent to a regular apartment and direct-hire companion aides from an agency who devote their paid time to the person. We've also added Life Alert for emergencies.

The Asst Living community is pretty place and would be fine for those who have no income worries. If families know that there is a limit on the amount they can spend per month, then they need to read the fine print and shop around.

I had mother with me in my home for two years. alot of ups and downs. she couldn't go to the bathroom her self. Or fix her own food. I couldn't go anywhere with out someone there to watch her. She would fall, have a diabetic reaction, call my name. etc. So I didn't get out much. But she could stand on her own enough to get on the toilet if I got her next to it. I still would have to wipe her etc. Then she
got so she couldn't stand, even just a transfer to the toilet ,we got a port-a poty. My
disabled son and I would try our best, My husband traveled alot. But we just couldn;t do it. l transfered mom to a "behive House" she almost died. They assured me they could handle her. They knew she couldn't walk at all. It was an
experience I don't want to remember. Then we put Mother in a full care facility and
that has been the best thing in the world for her. It is expensive. We are barely making it. The only problem we've had is Laundry. I have to go get her laundry,
or it disapears,. I have actually seen other patience wearing her things, They blame me saying I didn't put her name one it. Witch if course is stupidl Of course I
did! We are very afraid to bring anything to her room that is in the last bit valuable.
But she gets taken care of very well.
If your loved one can stand on her own. then an assisted living may work for
you. For us it was a disaster. She was drugged the whole time. She doesn't
even remember ever being there. It took weeks at the full care facility to get the
drugs out of her system. After being in intensive care unit and almost dying.

I've visited some lovely facilities and some not so hot. You already have some good suggestions, so by all means make your list and check things out. Get their care policies, add ons, etc. in writing and take home and compare to others.

Ask some good questions and a lot of what ifs...
What happens when person is hospitalized, needs assistance following hospitalization, rehab, etc.
How will they handle lonliness, isolation, person's refusal to participate in activities
What do they consider nuicances and cause for dismissal or moving from facility - violent outbursts, crying, hitting, stealing, etc. - who on staff handles these matters? do they redirect the behavior or drug the person? how are they resolved; will they consult with family?
Add on charges
Can you hire outside help to check on the person or care for the person if extra care is warranted for limited time?
Just some things to consider and be sure it is in writing.
Visit weekdays, weekends and spend some time talking and observing the residents, do they like it? how do staff acknowledge the resident, is it clean, cheery? what calendar activities do they have - are these activities well attended? will you parent or loved one enjoy these activities?

Over seeing the care of my 86 y/o mother with dementia in a ALF has it's own stress and frustration. She has limited $$ so we can't afford the ones that have topnotch administration. (When we first came to this one we did have a good admin, she left 4 months later and took half the staff!) Visit several times at various times and at least one meal time, a location that is convenient helps, noise level is important, (TV, aides, cleanup other residents.) I am a squeaky wheel when I need to be. If I had to do it again I would take the list and ask about the longevity of the staff and question what admin's goal are. We did have a list and asked many of the questions. I've found where ever she's been ALF, rehab, hospital, dental hygiene is not big priority. Even BM's seem to be low on the list, to me the more regular a person the less discomfort...ha of course I know IBS is another issue. Get on a waiting list and start now, don't wait until burnout, or the fire has started to take action. Be well ~M
not sure why my first post was deleted...i noticed the link for the check list went away the first day /-: what up admin????

I'm a big fan of assisted living. My mom moved from a Florida Condo to an assisted living facility in New York and it worked out very well. She didn't want to move at first. But a "big event" made it impossible for her to continue to live on her own. I researched places I thought that she might like and took her to visit. I also helped an elderly cousin move into another assisted living facility. She too didn't want to go initially, but it has worked out well for her.

As a very wise hospice worker said to me - you will be spending your parents money one way or the other...it is how you choose to spend the money. We were very fortunate to find wonderful caregivers who came to my parents condo. If you do choose an assisted living facility the only way to insure good care is by being present frequently and engaged - ask questions frequently - introduce yourself to as many staff as you can - become conversant with them and familiar to them. If you cannot be present then seek out those who can on your behalf.
Courage in this most important job of your lifetime! Anita

Thank you everyone for the wonderful insights
I agree with the idea that in one way or another
we will be spending money on care, and I always assumed that assisted living
would be a safe environment if my parents ever got to the point that they could not maintain their home. Also Mom has mentioned that she would not want to live alone in their home if something happened to Dad first. Dad is just the opposite, does not want to leave the house ever....so we are really looking at all options as back up plans for the future.
Trying to be as prepared as possible for any scenario.

Lots of work to do! Thank you everyone for taking the time out of your busy day
to respond.