Post is not current, missing comments (DH is stepping up).

I started a link a few days ago "Dh finally steps up" and I see that there are comments left, but nothing shows up. This a website problem or what?

I do want to keep this going, as it is the place I am coming to for support and help as my DH is now caring for his mom in her home.

I can start a new one, but would prefer to keep the train of thought going.

Anyway--update--Dh spent a couple hours with his mom yesterday and will be there today too. She has some stuff that 'needs' fixing, truth is she doesn't want to be alone.

He did go grocery shopping for her--maybe 20 items. Bought her some soup from her favorite little soup kitchen restaurant, but she didn't eat it.

DH came home, sad and quiet. We chatted for about 15 minutes about his day (I let him vent as it's not healthy for him to just hold this all inside).

He said he realized that she truly is dying. She's barely eating and he says she sits all day long or lays in her bed on oxygen. I feel for him, he wasn't involved in his dad's EOL, nor either of my parents. This is being very hard on him--but it's good. Maybe he'll come to terms with it, before she goes.

So far the Hospice team has been great. She doesn't like to have to call THEM instead of her kids, but she's agreed to it.

I did broach the subject of what she would want for her funeral (no, I am not trying to make things worse, I just know that when she does go, he will just stand there and have no clue what to do).

I made a quick little list of things he/they need to know and said "If you can do this, talk to your mom and find out what she would want. In the end, it will be what we put together, but you'll feel better if you know it's what she'd want".

We did talk about a lot of the things that wouldn't have occured to him. He didn't know where her burial plot is (I do) or what she'd want as far as a funeral (again, I do) but he needs to wrap his brain around it. Pre planning is not morbid, it's a GIFT to your family to have left behind some idea of what you want.

I am SO GRATEFUL that my mom planned her entire funeral and we were able to follow it to a T. It was only 7 months ago, but I cannot remember who came to the funeral or who spoke or sang or anything. I told him he'll get 'amnesia' and best they plan in advance as much as they can.

Also asked if he were on her checking acct so he can access funds, and he didn't know.

All of this is hitting him HARD. But, in the end, he will be glad he did what she wanted.

I do believe it was almost fortuitous that his YS kind of fell apart when she did, that he retired exactly when he did and he has the time to 'be there' for his mom at this time. I think he really thought she would never, ever die and he had forever to come to a place where they had a 'good' relationship. He sees now that isn't going to happen. 71 years of verbal & physical abuse--it's really heartbreaking.

He's burned out and it's been, what? 2 weeks? I do hope and pray she can go quietly and with dignity in her own home. While she and I never had a good relationship, I do not wish her ill, nor pain, nor anxiety and regrets.