Let me start by saying I love my mother, truly. She is full of love and kindness. At the same time, she was overpowering, possesive, and didnt understand mother/daughter boundaries.

My mother is bi-polar depressive, overweight, diabetic, and cannot walk (she fell into a diabetic coma, and never followed up with her therapy to regain muscle mass). I have, over the years, been her caretaker, her grocery shopper, the one who spoke at her doctor's appointments, her cheerleader, and her admonisher when she did not take care of herself. Unfortuantely, she didnt always listen to my advice, and there was only so much you can do to help someone who doesnt seem to want to help themselves.

To make a long story short, I live and work in London, England, and my mother has been in a care home for the past year and a half, after she lost the ability to walk and to clean/dress herself. A dear family friend has had joint power of attorney with my while I was studying and working in England, but unfortunately she is no longer able to assist. At the same time, my mother is losing some of her mental faculties, and I am not sure how much longer she will be able to remain in the board and care home - she is currently in a nursing home for psychiatric evaluation.

This brings me to my question. My partner and I are doing everything we can to secure a move back to California, but we can't realistically afford to do so until one of us at least has the promise of work there - I would be no good to my mother if I couldn't properly take care of myself! It will probably take another 6-8 months to arrange the move - we are doing everything possible.

I am an only child, and my mother has no other family. She has also alienated most of her friends. I am frustrated with her (she is only 65 and has taken no care of her self!), but I also love her immensley. The resulting guilt is horrible.

Are there any provisions set up to appoint someone else to be power of attorney while I am still living out of the country? It would be temporary obviously, as I am moving back. Surely there must be similar cases, or some advice on a similar situation? Any advice you could give would most appreciated.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart

confused daughter.

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I'm no expert here either. But being an only child,too (Like Calondon) I have no one to name POA. So I did trust with myself as trustee and professional fiduciary as 1st successor trustee (also giving her POA). If she is no longer available, she will appoint successor from PFAC to take her place - notifying me if I am alive or attorney if I am gone).
If Calondon's Mom is able she could still do this, if she is not mentally able there is a "special needs" trust that might be the answer. Best to check with fiduciary and attorney. It makes it tough when there is no family (but honestly I would not trust our families to handle our finances - at least fiduciary is licensed and bonded . Also, fiduciary won't be MIA as your sibs seem to be.
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I am no expert but I thought the person with the trust had to appoint the POA. Make sure your mom is of sound mind to do this. I am poa in CA for my mom with 2 back ups. This means if I were out of the country or out of town the other 2 poa back ups could intervene. It's permanent so I don't have to keep changing it. That might be the thing for you to do something permanent so that you don't have to keep changing this; if I don't want to be poa the other two can take over; In my case however, the back up POA's are my sister and her husband. They haven't talked to me or mom in 5 years, have never visited; their kids are grown and they travel to mexico all the time as they have a home there; but they won't visist mom? Since they have not talked to me (sister told me to never contact her again) they know nothing about mom, her needs, her meds...NOTHING. Now I am very scared because I would have never thought they would do this. They are not good POA's for mom. Mom has AD and is not sound enough to change who the POA's are. Talked to an attorney and I am not allowed to change the POA's. Ugh.
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Don't know what state you are in but - in California there is an organization called - The Professional Fiduciaries Association of California. The members are licensed and bonded to handle trusts, POAs etc. for family that can't or won't do it themselves. Check with your state to see if they have something like
this. Sounds like it might be a good fit. Because I am an only child (mother's much older nd in another state) and hardly know (much less would I trust) rest of family - and would not burden (or trust) a friend with this responsibility - I have a PFAC member as the successor trustee on my trust and she also has POA. She can handle financials, but you will still have to arrange method of care (NH, assisted living, in home care, etc.)
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Your mother can appoint her Power of Attorney for property and/or for health care to anyone she chooses, who is capable, and it can be for a given time period (or it can start on a given date, and end on a certain event -- like your arrival in CA). The question would be who she would be able to appoint if she's alienated everyone. Would there be anyone that you know personally who could take on this role?

One word of caution though, I'm in Illinois, and had just had these forms done, signed, notarized and witnessed just this last weekend, so this is fresh in my mind. BUT, I'm not sure what, if anything, is different in California.

I'm wondering if you'd be able to contact a local council on aging or something of that order in CA to see if they can offer any suggestions.

Not an easy situation, and I wish you all of the best.
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