POA has denied me access to my mother's room at the nursing center. Can this be legal?

Yo is to. Due is due. Can is can't. Jeannegibbs we tried to call Aunt Gwenie in Kentucky but there was no answer. My sister's have convinced my Aunt that I am crazy and I broke my mother's leg Christmas Day even though my Mom was taken to the hospital and fitted for a cast 1/14/16. My Mom's knee is swallen double the size it was Christmas Day when she hurt it in transport, however the next day the hospital nurse about a mile away said she had severe arthritis and constipation but the X-rays showed no fractures or breaks and this was when Nurse L threatened to call the police on my mother's own daughter, me, and when both Nurse L and Nurse A said my mother was fine when I called 12/26/15. Jeannegibbs I will email you after my visit if they don't make an excuse. I have to keep a brush and hair dress with me because they are not brushing her hair and I can't get to her room and dressers I supplied and decorated.

Sorry for so many typos - due should be sue me for violating HIPAA when I did't even know where my Mom was until I text her and she finally told me she had my Mom 1/14/16 when I text her after she was screaming and threatening to stop me from visiting my Mom.

Caregivers thank you for bonding with my Mom and I.

Momlover123, I don't think you quite get it. I REALLY don't want to hear, over and over, about your evil sister and when your mother broke her leg and how mean and unreasonable the private nh staff is. Really. Skip that stuff -- you won't have so much to type.

But it is good to hear about your actual visits. Does you mother like getting her hair brushed? Some people really enjoy that. (My husband did!) Lotion and a light massage is very pleasant for some people. Take your cues from how she reacts.

If Gwenie had answered, what were you going to talk to her about? Nothing that would disturb your mother, I hope! When my step-daughter goes to visit her birth mother in the nh she sometimes pre-plans a call to her uncles, to be sure they will be there and everyone is ready to talk.

About the orange juice -- your mom is on the kind of diet to help prevent aspiration pneumonia. Liquids can be dangerous, because they slip right down, sometimes before the little flap that protects the airway has a chance to close. If even water "goes down the wrong way" and winds up in the lungs it can cause havoc. Lungs are not meant to process food and liquids. So the solution is to thicken the liquids and they will take take just a tiny bit longer and give the flap a chance to close. Your mom can probably have orange juice or any other liquid she likes, but it should be thickened first. There is a powder for doing this that is clear and has no taste when stirred into a liquid. This can be done for coffee or orange juice or 7-up. Heck, I did it for my husband with beer and wine. The point is not to deprive your mother of her pleasure in food, but to prevent her from dying from pneumonia. Instead of barging in there with things YOU think she can eat, how about having a chat with the nutritionist or dietitian in the facility. Go humbly and to learn something. Learn what is available in the NH kitchen that mom could have for a snack when you come. Ask if there is anything you could bring from home as a treat. AND LISTEN TO WHAT THE EXPERT TELLS YOU. You really don't know everything, but I hope you are capable of learning.

You'd like to engage your mother's love of taste, but how would you like to arrive one day and have them tell you your mother has pneumonia? Find out the SAFER way for mom to enjoy OJ. If you could bring yourself to acknowledge that there might, just might, be legitimate reasons behind what staff does at the nh, you could be a much more constructive visitor.

BTW, I watched my husband's swallowing test live, on a monitor in another room. What I saw had me in tears. That poor little flap couldn't keep up with regular swallowing. It was a little better as they tried thick and thicker liquids. Then the tester and the speech therapist went over the video of it with us. It was sobering.

If you could manage to stay on the good side of staff, you could learn lots of ways to show your mother love without endangering her.

Momlover, I'd like to know too, really am hoping you can enjoy time together and build those other bridges.

Momlover, just read Jeane's reply to you ~ please listen to her.

We'd like to hear about visits with your Mum, BUT we none of us can keep reading over and over how evil your sister is, how nasty the staff at the NH are or how personally persecuted you are.

Remember this is her Mum too, she too is a "Momlover" and she must be in so much pain because she made the right, the best and the only sensible decision for her/your Mum.
She knew she could not continue to care for your Mum the way she needed to be cared for.

She didn't turn to the other "Momlovers" in you family, you and siblings because she knew that for your Mum's safety it was vital she be where professional people are on hand at the push of a button.

I don't for one second think she's evil or that she has the time/energy to spend planning ways to hurt you, stop you being with Mum.

She is trying (just as you are) to protect the Mum she so dearly loves. Sadly instead of being able to share this role with you, she's ended up having to fight you over and over.

You write that she's banned you from seeing Mom and she says that you give out too much info about Mom to other family members.

Ok, remember that shoe swopping? time to try again.....in your sister's shoes for a minute.

She loves your Mum, she feels guilty at her decision even though she knows it to be the right one. Then she hears that you are sending information about her/your Mom to family members.
Do these people visit Mum? Are they in regular contact phoning to chat, writing, sending pretty postcards to brighten her room and bring the outside/wider world to her?
If they are in touch why do they need your reports? If not what about your Mom's right to privacy? Has she asked you to contact these folk? To talk about her? To wash the family's dirty laundry like this?

Ok to the Staff, please re read my private message to you on your board.

I'm not saying I told you so, but you've posted here that using my "protocol" with your Mum has worked and I'm truly delighted for you both.

How about trying with the staff? If they are all the horrors you believe them to be. Then you be the better person, blind them with kindness so they can learn to change their ways.
On the other hand if they are (as I believe to be true) hardworking people, doing a thankless task for way too many hours and far too little money.
A job that is far more vocation than job then these Angels deserve at the very least a thank you for the hours they put in behind the scenes.

You see Momlover, sadly your Mum is not their only charge and I bet not all the people they care for have a "Momlover" in their lives either.
So these Caring People the staff you denigrate so often are caring for many people with many different medical conditions/needs.

They are spoon feeding, tube feeding, giving trays. As you've observed this routine can change in a week too. Changing nappies (diapers), wiping bottoms, creaming against sores, taking others to the toilet.
Dressing/undressing those who can't, encouraging those who can to do so, trying to persuade those who can and do at inapropriate times not too.
Dealing with medication, checking those who hide it, won't/can't swallow.
Trying to bring comfort to those locked away in the past wanting Mums and Dads long dead, trying to explain to lost/frightened patients why they can't go home. Especially as for some of them {like me}, that "home" is a yesterday place long gone if it ever existed outside their imagination/longing.
Dealing through the night with nightmares, calls for another drink, the loo, a story. Not just your Mum, but all those other Mums, Dads and people who never got the chance to be parents.
So many people, so many different stories, so much happiness and pain in all those bodies.

Through all this Management is breathing down their necks to cut corners, get more out of less, turn a penny into at least a 20p if not a pound (sorry not au fai with US currency). Make not one but several silk purses from a single sow's ear.

If that's not enough, they lose patients they've cared for but they are only "staff" so their grieving holds no place.
They are berated by patient's family (Momlover and your ilk) who are sure these overworked people are lying.

Now Momlover, lets be honest in the time you've written here you've certainly given them enough grist to their mill with Your attitude/actions but honestly with all they have to do in a work shift do you really think they've the time or the inclination to plot against you?
I think it more likely if they've a second free to think, then they are wondering how to take care of their own families, perhaps working out how to squeeze precious time from frantic schedules to visit their aged parents in a NH facility. Hoping that their own children are nicer/ more understanding of care staff when they put their M's & D's in an NH.

If my approach with your Mum helped you both, then I'm going to suggest you try this too. Smile (nicely) at each member of staff you pass. Honey yields better results than vinegar.
Now that I would like to hear about! What response do you get? How many forced smiles before a real one? Did you feel better for it?

More suggestions for your Mum, does she have a favourite perfume? Check!!! it would be okay to put a little on her after she's had her hair brushed, If she would like.
If staff and Mum agree perhaps you could "gently" cream her feet/legs, arms/hands to keep circulation moving and keep her feeling physical contact.
You talk of wanting to bring her into the wider community, this right now isn't safe for her so bring the wider community to her.
NO ML, not lots of visitors! Instead photograph/video the places/people you want her to see. Get the people to write her little notes, draw a picture, write a postcard.
Start a memory book of places, people, memories of things she did with you and take it in to share with her.
When she is called to the next chapter this could be a lovely memory for you of time shared.

Ask those charged with her care, what they believe would be useful/helpful to her. Then Listen to their answer.
As a teacher yourself you know the formula of listening, inwardly digesting what you heard then acting.

By actions like these you will show your sister and the staff that truly your Mum is safe with you and you do care more for her needs as they truly are, than her needs as you choose to interpret them.

Remember ML how in the New Testament it states that in a gathering of people no one will truly speak in tongues or have visions unless there is someone to interpret them?
Some will speak in tongues or have visions that have no interpretation. These people are not lying, they are just so seized with a love of God they want to have these gifts. They forget that there are other gifts to be had too.

Well, the way I see it it's a bit like that at the moment for you and your Mum.
At this stage in her life in the NH (a gathering of people) you need to have confirmation of God's will for her by checking the messages you belief she gives you, or the need you perceive see with the staff around her.
They know things that you can not know. They don't have your precious memories of the lady she was.
Instead they have the knowledge of the lady she is.
They know how she slept/or didn't last night, whether she managed to have breakfast, has she been to the loo?
These things ML at this time in her life are not yours too know, any more than they were yours to know as you were growing up.
She is your Mum, you are her child. Right now her dignity is of necessity being drained at every twist and turn.
You ML have the power to keep some of it for her. Let the staff know and tell you these things (as and when you need the info) so that for a while longer you keep your Mother/child balance.
The scales are tipping don't take this time from her by tipping them sooner.

Trust that God who so loves a sparrow that he is sees it fall from the sky, loves your Mum enough that he has set the right people in her life right now to comfort and care for her.
Not instead of you ~ but rather right there alongside you. Just as He helped you to find this forum and the people here who have done their best to help you.

While I'm being all scriptural, and no I'm not a Christian, I'm a practising {practising because I've still a lot to learn} Taoist, a follower of Tao.
I'm using Christian scripture because what I'm quoting I believe in the truth off and because I know the Bible to be important to you.
While we share this part of the path in our walk through life it makes sense to me to speak to you in language you understand and believe in the validity and truth off.
Especially as in your fear for your Mum you see yourself hedged all around by people who lie to you.
Remember ML that You have within you The Fruits of The Spirit and to use those fruits glorifies God and thanks Him for His Son. It also bestows His blessing on those you offer the fruits to. Do correct me if I'm wrong, it is many years since I studied the Bible at Uni, but I believe "The fruits of the Spirit are Love, Joy, Peace. Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, Self Control."
What a showing of God's great mercy were you to go into the NH displaying these gifts to those you meet as well as to your Mum.
Wishing you well, yesterday, today and all your tomorrows. Lucy Caitlyn

ML, my three sisters and I visit Ma in the NH at least once a week each. We are on good terms with the staff. After each visit we email the other 3 so we keep up with what is going on. I am going to share part of my most recent email to my sisters, to give you an example of other things to do when visiting someone in an NH.
_________________________
Ma was sitting in the dining room at a table with J when I got there. They each had several magazines and coffee. I joined them. I haven't finished the valentine pinafore for Ma's doll but I brought it anyway. I was right -- Ma got a big kick out of seeing the unfinished dress and the lace and ribbon. J especially loves seeing that doll. She always talks about her doll collection. G joined us briefly and she is a doll lover too. J asked if I was professional doll clothes maker. I talked about making doll clothes in high school. Ma was happy with the talk but it didn't strike any memories. Then I remembered about making Barbie Doll clothes and packaging them on cardboard wrapped in Saran and Dad selling them in his favorite bar. Ma was amazed. She sure didn't remember that! So we concluded I must be a professional doll clothes maker, since I got paid for some. :)

I don't know how it came up, but I talked about the potato sacks of little toys and trinkets Ma got for us for trips to SD. J said, "You have a very good mother. You have happy memories." I agreed. She said, "Not everyone does." And I agreed with that, too. We've been lucky.

Ma seems to like to hear about the past even if it is all news to her. I've talked about Herkimer P. Jones, the cat, a few times. Any little tidbit of a memory makes her smile. I think the assurance that she was a good mother must be comforting.

I think I'll go again Monday. Then her doll will fit in with the great valentine theme in the room.
_____________________________

That time I just sat with her and a couple of other residents and we talked about things from our past. They were all happy memories. Ma did not consciously remember any of them, but it made her happy to know she had had a good life. The other ladies got some attention, too, and felt gad to be included. When the aide came around with evening snacks they all chose ice cream and were very polite to her, as was I. We spent the entire visit in the community room. At the very end I wheeled Ma back to her room, got her oriented ("Your plants are all healthy looking, but I think you need a new one with blooms on it.") and called for an aide. When she came I said "I know this is a very busy time for you, but I want you to know that Mom is tired now, so please add her to the getting-ready-for-bed list." The aide thanked me an left. I made sure Ma had something to read while she was waiting, and I left, too.

You can have a very meaningful visit with someone in an nh without spending time in her room at all, and even if she can't remember the stories you tell, and even if there are other residents around. You can let the nh staff supervise what snack is provided.

Visit you mom. Honor the conditions for your visits. Do not talk negatively about other family members. Do not talk negatively about the staff. Do not talk negatively about the facility. If you have complaints or concerns, talk to the appropriate people, outside of Mom's hearing. Share happy memories. Share memories of times Mom did something good or nice or funny. Leave the unhappy memories out. Don't say "Do you remember when ..." but start out "Mom, I remember when ..." (Took me a while to make that a habit.)

Often I do some activity with my mother, but it is also OK to just sit and talk.

I look forward to hearing about your next visit. (Got to go and finish a doll dress now ...)

Jeannegibbs and LucyCW thanks 20p and a pound for spending so much time with me and giving me advice. I really have a difficult time with faith and leaving this material world behind. I visited Mom with my son today. He was the A student and I received an F as he asked my Mom if she wanted stay there but she didn't answer and I was afraid she thought I let her down because I have been promising to get her home for over a year, so I told my son not to ask her anything that would make her unhappy. I felt compelled to tell her we were still waiting for the judges' decision as Jeannegibbs described a swallow test that will make me accept the reality or God's plan for my Mom to be with me or nursing center right now as the CNA and nurse said they had been giving her water and Boost without any thickening substance so there are abrupt declining changes or evaluations in her health right now. LucyCW I will exercise God's fruits of the spirit at the private nursing center and pray that my kindness blinds them as you suggested LucyCW. I hope it was an angel😇 that made me tell my Mom that I was waiting for the judges' decision as my Mom has been asking and I've been promising for over a year. I am sorry I disappointed you both because you have grown me so much in caregiving perspectives. After the swallow test I will be more accepting and understanding of my mother's stage in life, so what I'm trying to say is that my Mom may not need assistance at the touch of a button if my Mom passes the swallow test LucyCW. Thank you Jeannegibbs for the visual swallow test information. My Mom's hair was done nicely by CNA G and she was dressed well. My Mom was quiet as she ate two strawberry yogurts . My son asked if she remembered him but she didn't say much until he moved from across the table to go sit next to her. My son and I lived with my Mom since he was six until he was about 17 on the first floor of my sister's 2-flat. My Mom held his hand for s long time to show she knew him. I used my iPhone 6+ to show her 40s and 50s videos and I took pictures with her but my son didn't like me taking pictures because he didn't want me to text them, so I told him I wanted to use them for our memories like you suggested LucyCW, and she had a grip on a deck of cards with her left hand do I wanted to see if her condition changed since the picture. My Mom didn't have any interest in saying the names of the cards, she was an avid rummy player, or listening and looking at the YouTube performances as she only has interest in going home with me IMO. My son is grown and I live alone and never married at 54 and have experienced no greater love than my Mom's love.❤️

Jeannegibbs and LucyCW I am concerned that some is putting my Mom on purée with nectar when until yesterday she was drinking water and Boost according to CNA G and Nurse A. I was kind to Nurse A and introduced my don to her as she explained the consistency of her liquids like you explained Jeannegibbs, but why didn't they know about nectar before I told them and she hadn't had s throat test the way Jeannegibbs explained it on video. I question is someone entering wrong information that makes my mother's health is declining more rapidly than what it actually is declining and God forgive me if I'm wrong but her ability to speak and throat problems and throat strain has been increasing since eating the nursing center food as the SW had stopped me from seeing my mother before 12 noon and after 5pm so I can't tell if the food is bothering her as her roommate has cursed and used profanity not to have to eat the food. How do I order a swallow test without the POA? How do I know my Mom is not being fed a chemical to slowly deteriorate her ability to swallow.

Typo don is son .

I am not as you all know given to scriptural quotes but this seems to fit the bill perfectly taken from Jeremiah 5:21

‘Hear now this, O foolish people, and without understanding; which have eyes, and see not; which have ears, and hear not’

Momlover, your postings are becoming more bizaar as times go on. You are becoming paranoid and misinterpreting what is being said to you in the responses. You are a poor candidate for guardianship of your mother. You are clueless about the proper care for your mother and your mental soundness is questionable. I do say though, your postings have been quite entertaining these past two weeks.

ML, it sounds as if the NH has a policy about "protected mealtimes." They may call it something else, that's just the term that the NHS in the UK uses, but this is what it's for:

Feeding older and disabled people is a time-consuming task, in an environment where the staff are under pressure. Especially with dementia patients, the more noise and bustle there is going on, the harder it is to keep their attention on eating. And the more people there are coming and going, and asking questions, and making requests for things to be done, the harder it is for the staff to concentrate just on getting their one patient fed as well as possible.

So during mealtimes, which are prolonged, they don't want visitors getting in the way. It's a practical matter, pure and simple.

Regarding the swallow test, it seems very unlikely that this hasn't already been done. It is very possible, though, that under rules of confidentiality the staff cannot tell you about it; and your mother probably wouldn't have known it was happening even if she were able to remember well enough to tell you. All she'd be aware of is being asked to drink a little, or eat a little yoghurt or ice cream, and having somebody watch her closely and place a stethoscope on her throat. There's not much to it for her to notice.

To answer your two last questions: you can't order a swallow test, and neither can the POA. This is a diagnostic test that would be ordered by your mother's physician or requested by the nursing or care staff. But in any case, as before, I think it very unlikely it hasn't been done.

How do you know your mother is not being fed a chemical to slowly deteriorate her ability to swallow, you ask? I am not sure whether you mean to suggest that the deterioration might be a side effect of some medication or other, or whether, in all seriousness, you mean to imply that some ill-intentioned person might be setting out to impair further her already compromised swallowing reflex. But either way - why, would anyone do that? For what possible reason? You can rest assured that this is not happening simply because it would serve no conceivable purpose for anyone involved. There is no money to be made from accelerating her decline. There is no time to be saved by increasing her level of disability. Quite the opposite, on both counts. What other motive do you have in mind?

You say that you are coming to accept that your mother's condition is deteriorating naturally. It sounds as if you have a way to go yet. That's only natural; it is a hard thing to come to terms with; but I think you will find that there is comfort waiting for you when you get there.

I havent been on this site for a long time. I (temporarily) left my husband, my house, my own family and my animals and quit my job to stay with my mom at her house for 4+ months, hospice helped for the 2-3 weeks as VNA advised and mom passed on 12/17/15. I hired the VNA for her coumadin/bloodwork, about every other week, they took a blood sample. In any case, to Momlover. #1. Your sister cannot just put your Mom into a nursing home. No one can. To get into a NH, you need a doctors orders and medical or mental health reason, diagnosis, for permanent long term 24/7 care. Your sister did nothing wrong, the fact that your sister owns a delapitated building is 100% irrelevant. #2) Please stop telling your mom that you are trying to take her home, you are not.....ever. This must be very upsetting to her, if and when she has moments of clarity given her DX of dementia. You seem to be in denial which translates into you lying to your mom, whether intentionally or unintentionally, every time you see her. #3). You have no idea what is going on medically with your mom and her deterioration due to HIPAA privacy laws and you are not authorized to know her medical condition, like it or not. #4) If I recall, you said mom was 88? You cannot take care of her and are incapable of taking care of her at your house, like it or not. I am a college educated former BOM of a NH and it took all of my physical and mental strength to be a good caregiver at my moms house until the last days of her life. It is emotionally and physically exhausting, not to mention expensive..commode, tubchair, wheelchair, construction on her house so is wheelchair accessable...little sleep. Raising a baby is easier than taking care of an elderly person. The ONE HOUR per day (yes, that is all Hospice does, one hour and you can forget about Catholic charities....I had a nun visit 2-3 times a week for Mom's spiritual guidance...10 minutes each maybe) was a godsend. I was basically alone the other 23 hours a day. #4). I too watched my mother go from eating with a healthy appetitite and taking her meds, then (and it seemed to happen quickly), just drinking liquids, then unable to swallow her pills and hospice, then barely drinking water and then she went to heaven. This is the natural process of dying of old age and not unexpected. There are multiple sources available via books or online you may want to read on death and dying. Nothing of what I have read on your posts makes me think the NH or your sister or the court system is trying to poison your mom and hasten her demise as you implied. The NH, CNAs, SW, and your sister seem to be trying the best they can to make your mom's last days/months/years on earth as pain free and as comfortable as possible. Your mother belongs in a NH and you should be grateful to all the NH staff and your sister. I also have a strange suspicion that you want your mother with you at your house to help with your own bills, rent, food, utilities, etc. but I hope that I am wrong. I know you love your mother, but you really should think......a sick person in denial (meaning you ML) is incapable of taking care of a sick elderly person (your mom). Thank God for your sister. I may sound harsh and i am sorry, but quality care of the elderly is my passion and I had a rough patch recently, so I think I am just telling it like it is. Time to grow up, death, getting older, aging....all part of life...God's plan if you will. Personally I have to think about finding a new job in this economy, but I have no regrets and I am thankful I was with mom for her last breath.

The decision was made by the medical team and family to see if he could breathe on his own. He did. and he got better each day. It was really amazing. He was youngish ( late 50's) and in decent health but had a motorcycle accident and a head injury. The estranged wife held everyone off a few days until he improved somewhat and when they took the vent off he was able to breathe.

ladylee, thank you so much; I supposed we could have done the same thing with my dad; his grandson was quite upset about it, as it seems maybe, or for whatever reason, the estranged wife didn't want it done, but if we hadn't, like said, they weren't going to allow him to continue to stay there, or at least that's what we were told, that he would have to go to a long-term acute care facility; however, based on another situation I'm following right now, I'm not sure, because they're waiting on a room, or maybe one at a particular place and they're allowing them to stay while they do so, but they're younger, like your situation, where my dad was almost twice that age; might have different if he'd been that age, makes me think about what if it were me or even my son(s), both of which have had motorcycle accidents, as well as a cousin, just thankful none had a head injury, though did have another cousin get killed in one. Dad may have possibly had one, however, since he was in there from having fallen down his front steps and been found unresponsive - which is another issue for momlover, if she were to take her mom home - grandson had been taking care of dad at home and he had just starting getting out - well, at night - but this was early in the morning but after he'd been up and down with him all night so son was exhausted and apparently had fallen back to sleep; we were on the verge of trying to get more help or getting ready to have to make some other arrangements and one of the doctors, while he was in there over this - because we'd already had one issue, was ready to charge him with neglect, not sure what would have happened had things gone a different way.
Anyway, was able to tell both the medical team and grandson - though makes a case for telling the one who's taking care of you - that he had said he didn't want to be kept alive like that, he'd planned to tell his doctor this, before this happened, at his next appointment (well, actually this had been a while before, really before a prior hospital issue when he'd already been found collapsed, but it just never came up because it never got to this point, but it was definitely when he was still able to make his wishes known) but he just never got to make it; in some ways, I wonder if momlover is not somewhat like grandson; he was upset that dad hadn't told him and yes, he was already staying with him taking care of him when he told me this when I was there and maybe I should have had him tell him at the time but at the time he told me I wasn't expecting what happened and just expected it to be able to be done, although I did realize later there was confusion as to which doctor he was actually going to but I planned to work all that out, except there were issues that interfered, just another example of what should be done, but at the time he was still looking to me to tell me those types of things, even though he'd had him come to stay with him, which might be something else going on in this situation; mom may be wanting to go home with momlover, since that's who she'd been living with but who had been making the decisions for her then; sounds like, obviously, the sister, or none of this could have happened. The medical listened to what I said and believed me, even though grandson didn't and this is the part that really intrigued me - they told him that when you're making a decision for someone, you don't make it based on what you want but on what they want and they were willing - wanted? - to believe that I had told them the truth about what he said he wanted - which I know is different in that situation because in momlover's situation that's exactly she's trying to do, in her mind, is get done what her mom is saying she wants, so....at that point, however, grandson, - although, again, somewhat, like momlover, he didn't actually have to, could have done what she has even though I had the authority to override him, like her sister does her - conceded to me and we also made the decision to take him off vent - along with that, though, there a myriad of other decisions I'd be curious to know about, ladylee, if you know - but, again, along momlover's line, the main issue of them was along the lines of feeding. He did breathe on his own - well, with oxygen, for a few days. That's wonderful about your - their - situation.
Not that hospitalization but his earlier dad did have the swallow test, not totally sure why momlover was told her mom hadn't had one, or maybe just hadn't had the monitored kind; that's somewhat more involved, was involved in that as well with my other situation, so maybe they just hadn't done that, not sure could be done in a nursing home, might have to be done at a hospital and might be an age thing, but, like Jeanne said, they probably have done the kind my dad had; he had issues at one point as to what he could have, sure didn't want him choking, and actually they did try something similar, again, maybe not quite so involved at that hospitalization but didn't work, but not quite the same, but the first time he did get better, so...supposed it could be possibly with her mom; my grandmother seemingly got better as well, but then she did end up choking, so....but this happened at the hospital, where, again, but maybe they expected my mom to be taking care of her, when she didn't; is her mom actually feeding herself or is she being fed? is the impression I'm getting

Lizdevine my Mom is not on the dementia floor. She is on the skills floor to help her with her living skills. This is fact. Pleas do not look at her as a severe dementia patient - she is not.

Countrymouse thank you for your comfort

Please do not name call on this website. Everyone's situation is unique and that situation no matter how many dynamics should be respected. For someone to tell me they spent their mother's last days with her at home and did not regret it is not making sense when that same caregiver against my mother spending her last days with me at home - it's either one or the other.

Lizdevine please don't respond anymore. You are a professional but yet your people skills need a lot to be desired and your accusations about me are unfounded. You will deny me what you had, the last moments with your mother, just to insult my intelligence by telling me to grow up. Who does that when a mother is close to dying or threatened with a premature death. If you want to blame someone for misusing my Mom's money blame my sister. She didn't my Mom's money for my Mom and refused to give my Mom PT while she kept getting paid my Mom's SSI while my Mom was in the nursing center and she kept promising that my Mom could live with me but instead my Mom was denied PT for over a year while my sister continued to live off my Mom over 30 years without a part-time job

Liz devine well said ....methinks a total waste of effort but well said nevertheless. The likelihood of realisation that you were allowed to care for your mom BECAUSE you were ADVISED to do so and had those not inconsiderable skills, awareness AND knowledge will, I am sure have completely been bypassed

I give up.

I just went to see myMom in the basement for PT but she wasn't there at 10:30 for her appt, so a CNA took me upstairs to two where I must be supervised and prohibited from my Mom's room. I was there between my work schedule and I called first but they still did not have my Mom up in the day room and in PT, so I had to leave . I want to try again, but it may make me late for work.

Jinglebts my Mom has strong will to live. That will is being drained at the nursing center. She has been left to look like an invalid before I started visiting on a regular basis and thank God for you, LucyCW, Jeannegibbs, Babalou, TacyO22, Ladylee, debdaughter, ...Devine, Countrymouse, etc. for caring to respond.

LucyCW and Jeannegibbs now I am told Mom won't be seen until 1:30 when I have to be at work.

Will someone just pass me the cyanide tablets? I am feeling the need to take one

Thank you Ohjude too. Your patience is golden.

You all may think I'm being trivial, but I think if I haven't tried hard enough my Mom may not get the services she deserves to prolong her life.

I don't think you're being trivial I can't say what I think because we are supposed to be supportive....everyones' tried that to absolutely no avail

Ohjude if this were an ordinary nursing home I would agree whole-heartedly with everyone, but there are too many irregularities.