Professional fiduciary.

Does your Dad have a sizeable estate? If just his monthly income and bank accounts, why can you not show him his statenents monthly. I wrote checks for everything. So Moms Statement showed her SS coming in and the checks for her utilities etc. If I paid out of pocket, I wrote a check for myself and kept receipts in an envelope with Ck# and datevon the front. Now I get copies of the checks I wrote on the acct. But you could put a note at each payment saying what it was for.

If he has investments, statements usually come every quarter. Again, he sees what he has and comes in and what goes out. Hopefully will convince him that no one is stealing from him.

Once a month bank statements and
limit your visits. Tell Dad he’s burning you out with is OCD . Tell him to relax he has plenty of money ( whether he does or doesn’t ) . Hopefully if he gets to the point of money getting low he would have stopped asking by then .

My FIL kept asking if he was running out of money , even on his deathbed .

If this were my father, I'd have a Come To Jesus Meeting with him together with your brother.

"Dad, if you don't trust us, we're more than happy to resign our POA and get rid of ALL this work we do on your behalf which now you want to go over with a fine tooth comb to make sure we're not stealing from you. This has cost US time away from our families and we're getting ulcers from ALL of this. Just let us know NOW if we should resign our POA and have the state take over for us. Once that happens, your life choices are in THEIR hands. Your choice. Just let us know in a few days how YOU choose to proceed."

Put the ball back in HIS court and let him decide how his life and affairs should be managed. By sons who love him or by an apathetic state who could give a flying fig about him.

There comes a time with difficult elders and dementia that you must get real with them. You cannot put YOUR health on the line for HIM or dad may wind up outliving you, God forbid. Tough love. It's warranted now. He can have bank statements that come in the mail every month but that's it. You won't be questioned over every dollar spent on his behalf and be micromanaged and controlled that way. Nope.

The LO now wants to "check my work". Which, from my read of POA law and my contract, I think he does have the right to do. But it sure takes time and slows things down. Yes, there is an element of paranoia here, and aspect I think still comes up of " my sons are trying to take my money".

I think the thing is you already have the ability to do all those things but are unable to enforce the boundaries necessary to keep yourself from going under. When a professional is tasked with this they don't drop everything and run and they don't jump through hoops, they complete the needed tasks with as little effort a is possible.

Well, when I had my practice I had a team that did a watered down version of that, we assisted with estate planning, nothing to do with the overall approach to care for an aged person.

A Geriatric Care Manager handled the other parts of the puzzle.

Honestly IMO, it wasn't inexpensive and ate up more of the assets than it was worth however, if that is what the client wanted that is what we did.

It appears that you are still Struggling with being the POA, understandable when one is dealing with a person such as your father, however, keep in mind, this too shall pass with a dementia patient, as the disease progresses he will change. In his case one would hope that it would stabilize the personality.

My step-mother who was in MC became more calm and easier to deal with as the disease progressed.

Unfortunately, ppl accept becoming a POA without fully understanding what it entails....a whole bunch of important decisions! You basically have another persons life in your hands.

As you know, you can rescind your obligation as a POA in writing at any time.

Take care of you!

They are few and far between. My brother's ex had one in Palm Springs, CA and he was one of four working in the greater Palm Springs area.

Best way to get recommend on one is to call an elder law attorney office, as they deal with them all the time in their work in the courts. They are involved in the care of many seniors with no family.
About five years ago the going price in California was about 90.00 and hour. I would imagine at least 120.00 an hour now, perhaps 150.00 an hour.

I think that if you are going to request State guardianship on Dad, as once you were thinking perhaps you would do, this will come with the territory; the state employs them as part of the management and guardianship.

The thought from my point of view is sort of, equivalent of “resigning POA “ while still retaining the ability to advocate where I see the need ….
in this way, it takes a lot of the work off me but I still have some say ….

Personally, I would never give anyone person all of this control.

You can hire a care manger and a financial advisor but, giving all that to 1 person seems like temptation, imo.

Nowadays there are many easy bookkeeping and budgeting apps. My MacBook has Numbers, which has a Budget function. Or, Quickbooks, Mint, etc.

If you're thinking ahead about filing your Dad's taxes then consider hiring a bookkeeper. You will be scanning receipts and sending it to this person and they will put it in the appropriate categories. Then you take those EOY reports to a CPA, who can discuss the final numbers and do some analysis. But a CPA won't do planning and investment advising so you'll need a financial advisor to do that.

I don't think there's one person that can/will do everything you're asking. A Geriatric Care Manager can make recommendations about "overall approach to care with aging, and advise on choices , what to spend on, what type of facility and care is best given the assets one has etc" and oversee that process, like a MPoA.

What you describe is someone basically performing the FPoA and MPoA functions rather than the people who were assigned. Unless that elder has robust resources and complicated/numerous investments, it shouldn't be rocket science.

This is a small organization of ethically certified money mangers who also have background checks every 2 years. I hope there is one in your location. aadmm.com

It sounds to me like a job for a certified financial planner more so than a fiduciary.