How do I protect myself from false accusations?

The others say they have a life. What, and you don't? That's all right with you, is it? And that's truly the choice that has to be made? - either you can have a life, or you can see your mother is cared for, but not both no way.

It's a false belief and it's holding you to ransom. People who are frail, ill or very elderly and don't have children don't die any quicker, and aren't more vulnerable to neglect or exploitation. That is to say, it is perfectly possible for your mother to receive good care, just not provided by you.

Take yourself out of the picture, pretend you don't exist and never did. What becomes of your mother?

What becomes of her is that the people responsible for her - her doctor, her local social services - make appropriate arrangements. And she's fine. And nobody gets sacrificed.

Supposing that happens, and you then put yourself back in the picture. You live your life, plus you get to develop a different relationship with your mother that might even involve her being a sweet little old lady to you too.

You don't have to make yourself disappear. You can make a start by initiating conversations with her doctor, with Medicaid if your mother would qualify, with social workers, with whoever can help you get her placed or get her professional help at home. Your mother has serious chronic illnesses - her "selective memory" might be only selective, but I doubt it, she's ill enough not to need to fake anything - and is getting to the point where she's at risk because her needs have overtaken your ability to ensure her wellbeing. Get yourself some allies!

Country mouse, I'm the only one in the family that will deal with her the others say they have a life and are to busy. I really can't blame them to much because my mother has always been this way . I do believe you are right she does manipulate me knowing I have my issues as well. She can't afford a live in a certified person that is . She thinks she can hire a illegal or a friend of a friend because she feels she can take advantage of them that is my personal opinion. She did have this one doctor that would believe her. my mother has two sides to her she plays sweet to outsiders but shows her true colors to close family and to people who don't agree with her it's sad. She now has a new doctor because the other one didn't give her way meaning medication so now she feels okay I'm going to tell this new doctor how bad her kids are and how she is a sweet old lady and a victim! I know this sounds mean but i wish the doctors would wake up and see she needs to be in a nursing home. She can barely walk , pees and poos wherever has a hard time remembering but don't if it's a act ? She does have diabeetus and heart problems but that's all she was diagnosed with but has the traits of a narcissist with dementia.

She's not manipulating doctors, she's manipulating you. Moreover, she does not want to get you into trouble - not real trouble - because you are her life support system; and don't imagine for one moment that she doesn't want to keep you just where you are. She wants to make you afraid of "being in trouble". Just as you used to be. You must remember the dread you felt if you thought you'd "made" her angry? I doubt if you did anything that "made" her anything. I hate to think of how afraid you must have been.

Is there really no alternative to your being your mother's hands-on caregiver? I'm sure we must have asked you to go through this point before, but remind me what the reasoning is.