Mom was diagnosed with vascular dementia a little over a year ago. She is 77, my Dad is 79. My mom has always been a very strong personality, I mean strong!
Over the last year she is increasingly becoming aggressive and angry. She makes up stories and believes them to be gospel especially about drugs. She curses my Dad out over every little thing until he backs down and leaves her alone.
She barely eats, like say, she eats 2 eggs for breakfast she'll go sometimes til the next evening before she takes a few more bites of food. And she flat out refuses to take her dementia medication, I mean she will get so aggressive and angry we end up backing down for fear she'll stroke out.
She wakes up in the morning in or around the middle of stage 4 and every hour she slides, by dark she is in the middle of stage 5 if not near the end of that stage.
Does anyone in here have a LO that is this hard to deal with?
No matter how we've tried to talk to her about her meds she gets so irate that we fear she will seriously stroke out, we tried calmly talking, being a little assertive, ignoring it for a few days... nothing works. If you ask her if she took her pills she will tell you yes, if you check you quickly see she is lying. Then the next day the pills go missing, takes us days to find them. Dad even tried waking her at 5am (since she is calmer than a cucumber in those hours) and she was taking them with no problem, 4 days later she took them from him and threw them screaming she doesn't want them anymore. That was the last time she took them.
We took her to a neurologist and she walked out and refused to go back in. We are at a loss at this point. She is so hard to deal with or talk to it makes it incredibly difficult to get her to do anything.
Here is an example on what we deal with: she is telling us a made up story that never happened... she will ask us for a name or place, if you say you don't remember she gets angrier than a badger, if you make up whatever it is she asked you she gets incredibly angry and starts to curse you out, if you ignore it like you didn't hear her she starts calling you names and belittles you.
If we do get her to take her medicine for a few days in a row (which hasn't happened in about 6 months, up above) she is good... calm, not mean, she eats, can hold a conversation, more willing to do what she needs to do, and even takes her evening pill on her own!!
We are at an absolute loss on how to get her to take her medicine and eat. Those 11 steps from Alzheimer's to get them to take their meds would never ever fly with Mom, literally, she is meaner than a badger on a good day.
Thought about crushing pill and putting in food, again 2 problems with that, 1) she barely eats and 2) she feed her dogs her food.
The family Doctor, the only one she agrees to see, tells us every 3 months at her check up, that we need to get her to take the medicine... we know this, he knows this, everyone knows this but, HOW do we do it, is the question. Any and all suggestions would be greatly appreciated, especially from those that deal with the same aggressive rattlesnake.
With delusions you need to change the subject. If she thinks the meds are bad you aren’t going to change her mind. Is she like this with any medication? Why doesn’t she eat? Is she just not hungry?
its a tough tough tough thing to deal with. I wonder if she would take them from a health care aid. My mom is sweet as pie to the ALS staff. It’s just family she’s mean to lol.
Also, with her condition, it may be that she should not have the ability to feed the dog. Her and food in one area and the dog elsewhere, until her food is eaten. The person who is sick and brain damaged can't run the show indefinitely.
It only occurred to me recently to let mom know that a nursing home is one of her choices, she could be very comfortable living like that, and ought to consider it. But I call it the hospital because I think that goes down easier.
They often think they are right and we are wrong or just trying to be argumentative.
Her behavior is pretty upsetting for you I know. I do wonder if you’ve had her checked for a UTI because it can make the dementia much worse.
I have learned that we have to live in their reality, not try to impose our reality on theirs. Not that I have the patience to do that all the time.
Yes, undiagnosed UTIs can result in frightening and verbally abusive behavior and things you never, ever saw your loved one do or say. And, undiagnosed serious UTI can also kill. Unfortunately, most people do not understand that it can take 48 hours at least for the urine test to go through all the lab protocols to find out if there is a UTI. So, you go to the doctor, or the ER, and they take urine, and you go home.....with no meds.....not even a light, preventative anti-biotic.....please realize this....then you have to chase them down to find out if there is, actually, a UTI. Yup....you have to do it. And, with the elderly, they will rarely give antibiotics "just in case" because tolerance levels can escalate easily making them almost immune to the generally prescribed antibiotics. Then, let's say there is UTI, and the meds are for 7-10 days....and you want to know if it has resolved itself. Guess what? Nobody will re-test the urine until 5-10 days after the last day of taking the antibiotics. Sorry......just reporting my experience. Several experiences.
Also, if your LO has dementia, or is stubborn, then it can be impossible to get him/her to pee in the cup. You're going to have to insist on a straight catheter, and do not be shy about demanding that. Please.
Generally, maybe this can help.
I don't want to do or say anything that may not be within the rules of this forum,
But there is a book, "The 36-Hour Day" that was recommended to me by several health care providers about 3 years' ago. The authors are Nancy L. Mace and Peter V. Rabins. It's in paperback. You don't have to read front to back. Use the index. There is a reason that it is viewed as almost the bible for families caring for dementia, Alzheimer's and memory loss...and I don't mean "bible" religiously. It is not a religious book. It is not meant to replace personal interactions with others having the same issues. It's just a great resource. Please read it at your local library or buy it.
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