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The weekly amount would have increased as her needs increased...
I had a caregivers contract and I did get paid and my parent's money ran out almost 3 years ago. Here I am still taking great care of my Mom, yes for free, and thats ok, but at least I know that everything I earned from her estate is now going right back to her for what she needs that I buy, but the sibling/s that did jack crap wont reep any benefits. If my parent lives to 100 I will continue to care for her, and yes for free, but as long as the lazy siblings dont get anything for doing nothing, I am okay with that. If after all of this my parent did have a home, I would be so upset that they got an equal share. I am glad the money is gone, to me, and right back to her. Hope this helps put it into perspective just a little. I think if we were rich we would hire fulltime help, but most of us arent, we just do it so our parent gets 100% one on one loving care. Cheers to all at home caretakers, I completely understand you all.
parenting. I myself became my mother's care taker around age 7. She had
some sort of early onset dementia and paranoia, was very abusive and combative.
My job was to keep her calmed down, away from neighbors, do the chores for her,
house repairs, keep her entertained and be her emotional dumping ground so my dad
could enjoy his life. I began paying for myself at age 17 and several years before then had to couch surf and work as a domestic for various families when mom became too
violent for me to remain in home.
I'm not alone with this type of tale. These types of parents are also in need of care
when they age. Often they will put the greatest demand upon their adult children.
I helped out in an emergency or two and years later have been wrung out by all the
chaos and demands of one health crisis after the other with my aging narcissistic parent.
While I don't pay myself, I do reimburse myself for out of pocket expenses for travel,etc
that are specifically for his care. And I do put in sometimes weeks at a time with his
care. And sometimes many hours a week with logistics, bills, care coordination, equipment, etc. Sometimes more. Of course, I'm not compensated for this either.
And mounting doctors bills from injury are also on my dime as well as loss of income
from many missed opportunities. Don't even know how you can calculate any of this
it's just lost in the mix.
Folks that think adult children should do in home care for years for free or pay for some or all of parents care when they can afford to pay for it themselves really miss the point. Some folks saddled their children with debt starting out as adults--with PTSD, with learned dysfunction, with zero connections, with terribly out of touch expectations to make everyone happy, with poor health, with spotty education. We've already paid the price several times over by the time we're adult children. By care giving during child hood, by paying for our own care during adult hood to recover from the dysfunction. And then again when our dysfunctional parents need care as they age. We may be willing to provide care, but we need to be careful that we are not left high and dry in the process. For those providing care at home in a number of situations, compensation
from family or estate is a no brainer.
For all of you who had great parents, that sacrificed for you and let you have a
childhood that led to your successful happy life. I truly understand and applaude
your gratitude. Please be understanding that some of us are acting from duty and
are often still impoverished from the long standing effects of our earlier rounds of care giving during childhood. and early adulthood.
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