My father is refusing urgent medical care "for God". How can I make sure he's not rapidly declining?

If he’s competent to make his own decisions, in other words he understands the possible outcomes from refusing to see a provider, then you should respect his choices. I do suggest that you encourage him to sit down with his provider to discuss and complete a living will/ advanced directives so he has an opportunity to clarify for everyone involved what he wants in terms of medical care should he become incapacitated. If he’s tired of life or believes that God has a plan for him you should respect his wishes, even if you don’t agree with them.

So your profile says that dad has had a stroke. Is that what you think is going on or did he have a stroke and end up in the hospital and get treated at some date?

I ask, because a stroke can cause dementia and that sounds like what you are dealing with.

I, personally, would not push for medical intervention if he really doesn't want it. It's not okay to force treatment on anyone and even though I believe that The Lord gave us medicine for us, I also don't believe that people should be kept alive by intervention if they don't want to go through the treatments, some of which destroy your quality of life. Maybe, he is fearful that he will have to go through what your mom did, to end up dead anyway.

Has anyone had a talk to him about why he doesn't want medical intervention if it is an easily treatable condition? Is he afraid of the actual diagnosis? What he would like in the event he is incapacitated and can not make his wishes known? Because that is what should happen if/when he can no longer advocate for himself, his wishes for what does and doesn't happen to his body.

Please do not use an emergency to force your will on him. It is his life and health after all.

This sort of belief used to be common in the Catholic community I grew up in.

If your father wants to ignore his heath at his relatively young age, I'd be trying to get him to see a mental health practitioner.

Make sure he understands that the consequences of ignoring warning signs (sent by God, who gave him a brain) can be serious issues down the road that will cause YOU trouble and inconvenience. I wouldn't be acting concerned around him, I would feign anger and annoyance at the trouble this is likely to cause you.

A fellow was stuck on his rooftop in a flood. He was praying to God for help.
Soon a man in a rowboat came by and the fellow shouted to the man on the roof, "Jump in, I can save you."
The stranded fellow shouted back, "No, it's OK, I'm praying to God and he is going to save me."
So the rowboat went on.
Then a motorboat came by. "The fellow in the motorboat shouted, "Jump in, I can save you."
To this the stranded man said, "No thanks, I'm praying to God and he is going to save me. I have faith."
So the motorboat went on.
Then a helicopter came by and the pilot shouted down, "Grab this rope and I will lift you to safety."
To this the stranded man again replied, "No thanks, I'm praying to God and he is going to save me. I have faith."
So the helicopter reluctantly flew away.
Soon the water rose above the rooftop and the man drowned. He went to Heaven. He finally got his chance to discuss this whole situation with God, at which point he exclaimed, "I had faith in you but you didn't save me, you let me drown. I don't understand why!"
To this God replied, "I sent you a rowboat and a motorboat and a helicopter, what more did you expect?"

FairyStars- you wrote: "making promises if he just has it checked then he does not have to get anything treated,"

Are you saying those promises just to get him to agree to see the doctor? Or are you really going to leave him be after you find out he has xyz diseases? I don't think you will be any less worried after you find out what's wrong with him.

It seems that your dad is adamant about NOT wanting any intervention or treatment for his conditions even if the conditions are treatable. And he's willing to live with them. and die because of them. Death is not his concern. Salvation is.

Maybe there's some hope if you can find a very persuasive priest that can move your dad from his conviction, tying getting treatment to salvation somehow.

Otherwise, if I were in your shoes, I'd leave him be. He has a right to his faith whether you agree with it or not.

Just want to say that Urgent care is not a solution. They are limited in what they can do. Its just a doctor when your PCP is not available. Anything serious, you are sent to an ER.

What you may have to do is wait until the situation is so serious, like he loses consciousness. Then u call 911 and get him transported to a hospital.

Not meaning to be disrespectful, but I recently read this fictional but insightful anecdote: A man was drowning, and a Coast Guard boat came by and threw him a line, and he said, "No, thanks, God will save me." Then a civilian boat came by and offered the same help, but was met with the same refusal. Then a whale came by, motioning for the man to get on his banck, and they could swim to safety, but the man refused, and he died. When he saw God, he asked how He could let that happen, and God said, "I sent you 2 boats and a whale." Maybe you could use that tactic with your dad, that symptoms are a sign to get things checked out. I agree with the other suggestions here, too. Perhpas a priest could offer some advice.

If it were me, I’d take him to church. Ask your local priest to speak to him and tell him that God wants him to get well. That allowing himself to become a burden to his daughter is an affront to God.

I think a good priest is your absolute best bet.

You could accept his wishes. It's his life, and he has apparently made a clear decision to not appeal to medical treatment. Because that's his right.

Is it not possible that your fear and grief and panic is possibly your own trauma of your mother's death?

Seek healing, counseling and be accepting of your father's feelings.

Does he have any other Catholic friends?   Have you consulted with any priests to get suggestions on why he dislikes the priests, or do you think that it's an excuse b/c he really doesn't want advice?  Do you think he's taking this position b/c priests are either (a)  too young, or  (b)  too old?

Do you think a home visit from a priest (especially the one he does like) would help?   There actually may be some issues why he doesn't want to continue at the same church, i.e., perhaps his declining condition, and he doesn't want people to see him that way.

I think people do get more set in their ways as they grow older, especially when the end of life seems nearer.   I also think sometimes they're afraid to  make decisions at that point, b/c the situation may worsen.

It may be that in his own current mindset, he's reconfigured his beliefs, and sees this as the best position to adopt.

You have my sympathies; I wish I could think of some really good suggestions, but it is difficult when someone takes an inflexible position.