Resentment towards sister. Any advice?

I agree with another poster that being resentful while a normal reaction is hurting you and not her. The hardest part of a relationship like this is keeping these types of feelings bottled up and simmering and not expressing ourselves to that other person. They never realize how you are feeling and how their behavior is an issue. Have you approached her? Some people are plain just irresponsible, lazy and selfish and you can’t change them. Nor can you expect them to change just as no one could change who you are. The best thing to do is accept the type of person she became, it’s out of your control, air your feelings with her and move on if she continues her selfish ways. You don’t need her in your life just because she's blood. I’m sorry about your mother and that you’re having to endure this. Invite her over for coffee with a sit down written agenda. When she speaks, listen without interrupting and then see if you can reach a fair solution.

Tracy72: I totally understand what you are saying. I have only one sibling, an older sister. We were never close but now it's even worse, at least in my mind. My mother who just turned 100 has been in a nursing home after a hip fracture for almost two years. I can count on one hand the amount of times my sister has been there. She never calls, doesn't send a mother's day card. She visits during my mother's birthday month and during December (mind you she lives about an hour and 20 minutes away). I don't know if I can ever get over this behavior. Even when my mother dies, I don't think I will have a relationship with her. I just don't understand how you can treat your family that way. So I say, yes it is okay. Why keep chasing pain and trying to like a person that you would never choose as a friend. Just because people are biologically related doesn't mean they like each other.

"Hello, my mother passed away middle of July and we both are co-executors, jointly, and beneficiaries but really I am the only executor as I am doing it all."

I copied your post that was a reply to another post.

Im sorry you don't get any help. I pretty much have done 99% of the running around when there is something medical, legal, banking, bill paying, personal whatever..etc for my mom(and dad deceased). If you want your relationship with your sister then you do have to accept the type of person she is. If you can not accept who she is...and she got on your very last nerve, then its ok to end the relationship. I have come to realize that my sister and I will probably never be close. We are just too different. Its not *just* that we are different...(and that's a BIG 'different') but with the above 99% thing. Even *without* the 99% parent responsibility....Our relationship was always shaky. I think I will be happier not pushing or expecting anything more. Im ok with that. I try to get along because my mom is still living, after that.....well.....she will always be my sister. I would help her if she really needed help. but otherwise. im done.

A relationship is your choice. If your sister isn’t a person you want any relationship with, or just a limited one, those are fine choices. But resentment doesn’t change your sister and only causes you pain, both emotional and mental, possibly even physical. I’d urge you to let go of the resentment, it’s easy to fall into when people let you down but as it only hurts you it’s best to let it go

First, you can't do Executor duties until 10/11 days after the death. You need to have a copy of the will and a death certificate. As Executor she will need to send letters saying the will has been probated to the beneficiaries. Once this is done the will is public. You can call probate and ask how long sister has to start the process.

I think sis not doing anything for Mom is just going to have to be let go. Just know, you can't depend on her. You don't have a relationship with her either.