My 91 year old husband has advanced prostate cancer that is now in his bones. This past week he had a 101 fever and was confused and weak, so an ambulance was called. He is now hospitalized with UTI, and it is causing extreme disorientation and delirium, from what I can tell during difficult phone calls.
His temp keeps spiking up and then down, and even before he went in, he was sick, tired, struggling to walk, incontinent and in pain. The UTI episode compelled the hospital stay, and now, he may need post-hospital rehab...but with the COVID pandemic, I can't visit him and have not seen him since admission, and they want him to go straight to rehab once discharged, where I won't be able to see him for at least another few weeks. I'm scared. I know he is getting good care, but will he contract coronavirus in rehab? Or will he get worse, or pass away in rehab before I can ever see him again? I worry. And I want him home, but I can't care for him alone and the level of care required may be very costly or simply impossible in a home environment.
How do I begin to plan and decide what is best for him? I already feel guilty for this, and am unable to think clearly. I know I had no choice but to call EMS, but, now what do I do? Dalisuan99
Before the discharge to rehab, if that is what has to happen, ask the rehab unit to explain to you what their policy is regarding end of life contact. I believe, though I'm sorry I can't be sure, that if your husband were to enter the "actively dying" phase you would be enabled to visit him.
This is an awful time for both of you, but there's no place for guilt in it. You did not do any of this. Wishing you comfort, please come back and let us know how you're getting on.
You are correct, in home care is terribly expensive and most insurance will not cover 24 hour care ($25 an hour is the cost in Texas).
Because he has advanced cancer and a UTI that is causing hospitalization, he needs hospice. I'm sorry to be blunt, but the social worker at your hospital in charge of your husband's case can help you not only find a place for him, but arrange hospice care for him. Hospice people are angels on earth! Once he is transferred to a rehab facility, they can help you be in touch with him via phone, text, Facetime or Skype.
Again, I'm so very sorry you're going through this and feel so badly that you can't be there with him.
My mom had excellent in home rehab care in Tucson, AZ through Bayada. The doctor at the hospital was miffed we did not follow his advice to go to in patient rehab, but we had been down that route before and it was a disaster. Plus, at 92 years of age, she never followed through on exercises once she got home and she was miserable in rehab.
If you go the hospice route, there is no rehab, just comfort care. My now 93 year old mom just fell and broke her hip. If she had been a candidate for surgery, they would have put a pin in her hip and returned her to AL with my dad, but no rehab. As it is, she was not able to have the surgery, so she went to inpatient hospice where we CAN visit her in spite of Covid19.
Listen to the professionals, but make your own decision based on what your husband's wishes are and what you can safely do. This is not an easy decision. I hope you have family who can help.
Hopefully some of these restrictions will be lifted and at least spouses and children will be able to see LO. I think for now DH needs rehab. Unless you can afford round the clock care of at least an LPN. Aides are limited with what they can do medically.
You are in a difficult situation. I can't advise you on what to do, that of course is your decision.
I suggest that you have a list of questions for the social worker.
Including:
What services are available for inpatient hospice? Versus at home hospice?
What are the options for inpatient rehab? Could you take your husband home at any time?
Is his oncologist involved with his hospital care? What is his advice?
When you know what your options are, I suggest you talk directly to the possible facilities.
I would find out if a first floor room is available, so you could "visit" through the window
These decisions are made very quickly with a short turn around time. Do you know his rights under Medicare?
I can tell you that in home care is limited. Make sure that you know what care your husband will receive, but you will be responsible for most of his care, unless you hire someone .
Best wishes to you and your husband and make sure that you take care of yourself