She has been in assisted living for a little over a year and is currently recovering from a very recently broken hip (not nearly as severe as it could have been), and she now gets around with a walker. The facility she is in is the nicest here, and her family can easily afford it. She has been a friend of mine for several years, and I go to see her once a week. She always tells me, "I have no purpose in life." Before I got to know her well, she had been a social butterfly, plus conducted free self-empowerment workshops for many years. Now she surrounds herself with self-help books she brought with her to assisted living and studies them to see if she could conduct workshops at the facility. However, she can no longer accurately track conversations with even one visitor. And when visitors take turns reading aloud with her (one of her favorite things to do), she has been known to re-read the same page up to five times, unaware that she had just finished reading it. Yesterday she said, "I am sitting here waiting for something good to happen in my life." I replied, "While you are waiting, you could do what is in front of you." But she refuses to participate in 99% of the activities at the facility, saying they are not of interest to her or are too simple-minded. So what do I (and other of her friends) say when she laments, "I have no purpose in life anymore"?
I’d help her prepare for her workshops even if she does the same preparation steps repeatedly. If she has a goal, that is good and can bring her out of her slump for awhile. I wouldn't discourage her planning by saying that isn’t realistic. Planning may give her a purpose. You could even ask her if she has all of her supplies. Maybe a new planning notebook or something may help keep her interested.
Distraction by telling stories of friends and family can also help.
You are such a good friend. She’s a lucky woman.
Take care,
Carol
Can she knit or crochet? Many organizations are looking for helpful hands to make baby blankets, chemo caps, shawls, and so forth. She can also teach those skills to others.
Does she remember what things were like during the Depression? The Foxfire books were written as a collaborative effort between students failing in school and elders. These students took interviews from older folks on how things were done back in the day. If she is articulate enough, perhaps she could make recordings of oral history. The local library or high school may be interested in helping with this.
The point is, she may be able to do any number of things with only a little help staying focused. Thank you for being concerned.
My mom's life and attitude turned around 180 degrees when she was put on anti-depressants. It was a long road, bc she said she wasn't depressed. She sure was irritable and ugly, though! If your friend has family, and you can talk to them, maybe gently suggest that it might help if they talked with her doctor about prescribing some to her. You seem like an awesome friend!!
Since she has dementia she might be easily distracted. When she starts to talk about not having any purpose in life redirect her attention to something you saw on the news or a great book you're reading or something funny you heard. If your friend refuses to do anything about her situation or if dementia is preventing her from doing anything about it I'm sure it's very difficult to hear her talk about her lack of purpose all the time. Things like that can drive people away because we just don't know what to do or how to help.
As a last resort tell her to get over herself and go to the 'simple minded' activities. They're better than nothing, will get her out of the apartment, and I'll bet dollars to doughnuts that they'll make her feel better There's nothing more depressing than sitting around thinking about how depressed you are.
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