My mother puts a heavy weight/guilt/blame for just about everything that occurs in her life... Not only is it time-consuming, but it's effected my health, friends and any kind of social life I had (or could have had)... Then, if she gets sick (which she'll 'blame' me for)... I am even more sick... My mind is a mental wreck... So, is it right for a grown 'child' to have to be responsible for their parents happiness?... (for the past 10 years I've been living 'her' life, with little time for my own... She has to get 'into' everything I'm doing... )
At this point, YOU have all of the power, only you don't realize that yet. So start with small steps and work on shutting her down when she's being negative/critical towards you. If she doesn't have an audience, her negativity will be floating in the wind for no one to hear. Which is how it should be.
So walk out, leave, but before you do, say, "Mom, you're treating me badly now, so I'm going to leave. When I come back, if you start in, I'll leave again." And stick to it! You can just leave the room or leave your house...whichever works for you. Just don't engage when she starts in on you. Good luck!
Lack of companionship can make you depressed, but companionship cannot break depression. No, you cannot entertain her into happiness. Know that and let that guide you in setting boundaries, allow yourself to let go of the guilt.
Toxic Parents: Overcoming their hurtful legacy and reclaiming your life by Susan Forward
Emotional Blackmail: When the people in your life use fear, obligation, and guilt to manipulate you by Susan Forward
An Adults guide to what’s normal by John Freil
Silently Seduced by Kenneth Adams
Just as long as you are willing to. You are not and never have been responsible for someone else's happiness, but you are entitled to feel that way or not, as you choose.
I am amazed at how many daughters on this website suffer from this family structure that makes narcissism so easy for parents. If Queen Victoria set such an example, then other families must have felt they had permission and encouragement to imitate her. I am also amazed at how this crap gets passed on from generation to generation with remarkably little change. It's time to move past Queen Victoria.
Anyway if you have time watch Queen Victoria's Children. I got goosebumps from all the flashes of recognition I was experiencing while watching it.
Leave the room when she starts - that's what I have started doing. Good luck
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