I am taking care of my mother part time and live alone about a half hour away. We have a history of bitter fighting but are getting alone better now. She is increasingly needing more help due to spinal stenosis and mobility issues. My lease is up in Sept and I am $7000 in credit card debt. The only way out of that is to move in with mom. When I left today I felt so much love for her. She is my best friend. She has another caregiver on my days off. I would have the entire lower level of her townhome to myself. It makes sense but based on the fights we had while on a week's vacation together I have my reservations. It seems like a good idea because she is lonely and it would be comforting for her to have me in the morning and overnight. Also, she is controlling and would need to know why i'm leaving the house so i'd have to explain my whereabouts all the time. I'm afraid I'll end up hating it there but I need to get out of debt. Maybe deep down I know its the right thing to do, I don't know.
Anybody regret moving in with mom or worried about it then once you've moved in, it's been fine? I have some time to decide. THANKS!!!!!!!!!!!!
We all have needs of acceptance, belonging and competency. Those are universal for all humans. To say otherwise would be to deny your humanity.
With that being said......moving in with your mother to help care for her while you can pay down your credit card debt makes perfect sense. You BOTH will be helping each other. It will get real messy though if your mother insist that see is the ONLY one doing the favor and does not or will not acknowledge your help in the situation. If that turns out to be the case than you will regret it terribly. There is nothing worse than someone making you feel as though they are doing you ALL the favors and you are doing nothing.....trust me I know how that feels! And when that happens you frankly don't care to see that person again, because of their overwhelming pride........a horrid stench blowing your way.
So you must think carefully about this decision especially if she is controlling! You must know yourself well enough.........can you honestly handle someone (whoever that may be) controlling your every move! Is it worth the sacrifice.........the tradeoff of paying down your debt to live with a controlling person every day? How much a price do you put on your freedom?
Other options to consider.......stay independent. Stop changing on your credit cards and consider credit counseling. They charge a small monthly fee to manage all your cards and will even work with your creditors to drop the interest so you are only paying principle. Yes you will take a hit to your credit score but if put more value on your emotional and mental health, it won't matter. Besides, all those banks got bail outs courtesy of the US Treasury........aka, the US taxpayer, you and me!
I speak from experience because my dad moved in with me. I did not have a job and he needed a lot of help. Because I did EVERYTHING, his SS paid the bills. But the job of caring for my father was 24 hours and the exchange of my caring for him and sacrificing my life, was not worth it because first of all, I was completely drained in everyway and was I being fully compensated financially for ALL that I did when you factor in the cost of skilled nursing in a 24 hour setting that runs upwards near 7 thousand a month.
Making a decision based on convenience makes perfect sense but sometimes, it turns out to be a big mistake!
in my experience with people nearly all interpersonal dealings stem from mutual needs. ive made hundreds of meals for mom, she bailed me outta jail . were good..
Good night, everyone. xo
(No disrespect to capnhardass, either.)
if you step up to the sacrifice and challenge of caring for your mother full time i think the experience will ultimately be a secret source of self pride to you.
Moving in with Mother in order to save rent money would be selfish in another way, not necessarily a good thing.
Please try to do what is best for both of you. That may include:
1) Spending quality time with her when you make some memories and perhaps overcome some of your past differences.
2) Reduce the amount of time you are her caregiver and encourage her to increase the time of the other caregiver.
3) With your "extra" time, get an additional job and/or look for a better paying job. Get some budget counseling and come up with a plan to get out of debt.
Building a more rewarding relationship with your mother and getting yourself out of debt are not mutually exclusive goals. I'm afraid moving in with her might jeopardize both of them. :(
It is better to live in a corner of the housetop
than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.
I think you can substitute mother for wife.
Can you see what you are setting yourself up for? Listen to your logical self. Maybe some classes to further your credentials? Does the caregiver move in too? Hmmm.