My mom lives in her own home, pays her bills with her social security, but my nephew (her grandson) lives there (22 y.o.) along with his girlfriend, does not pay any rent or do anything for her. They both verbally abuse her, and recently, the girlfriend gave my mom (82) a black eye and bruises on her arm. I found out by coincidence when my cousin stopped over to see her. The police and Adult protective services got involved, but bottom line, mom wouldn't press charges and denied everything. My nephew has been in drug rehab twice (recently out in August). Many of his/her friends in and out of the house, stay over; it is like a flop house. I don't know if drugs are there, but alcohol definitely is. They eat her food, do not help her what so ever. There were previous issues with my brother (my nephew's father) who lived there for several years, Physical and verbal abuse was rampant then. Bottom line: I want to kick them out, she won't let me. She says to just scare them to straighten them up, but it doesn't, and now that Adult protective services are involved, my nephew won't speak with me (after calling me every name in the book). She should not be taken out of her own home, but she now has moderate dementia, and I am worried about her. She receives alot of help from her Medicaid benefits so there is someone there for her every day, gets meals on wheels, etc. She tells me there is so many people coming and going she does know who is who. There is also an untrained young boxer dog there which is my nephew's, he does nothing for the dog, the dog relieves itself in the basement and mom cleans up after it. The girlfriend just brought a kitten into the fold this week. I unfortunately live in a different state, and I have two cousins who check on her and one pays her bills directly. She does not want to leave her house. I am at whits end.I also just sent both of them an notice to start paying rent in December. I am sure they are thumbing there nose at me. Last but not least, my sister lives 3 blocks from my mom, hasn't been on speaking terms for several years, and just ignores the situation.
You have to find out specifically what her fear is and then respond strongly and firmly to the fear. You have to remove the fear for her to act.
Please let us know if you are able to do something. It could be useful information for other people who are in similar situations.
I am sorry, I just don'e believe the APS hands are tied...something is wrong with this picture.
Take care and use your resources.
Also, will you mom allow you to be DPOA for her? If she will, I"d get the papers drawn up immediately so that YOU have control over where she lives, WHO lives with her, etc. DPOA cost me 25.00 six years ago to have an attorney write on up for me...health AND financial. Once you have DPOA, you have the power to evict them. But sounds like it needs to be done asap. Let us know! BIG HUGS!!
This is a terrible situation but it's fixable. You need some legal help. Go to the Elder Care link on this site and click on "Elder Abuse." I think you will find some help there.
Prayers are going forth especially for you and your family at church today.
Please keep us posted on your progress.