How do you deal with a senior who is playing games with the house, things around the house etc.?

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How do you deal with a senior who is playing games with the house, things around the house etc.?

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My Aunt is 86 slight dementia after a stroke, she has her aide move a vase after I place it, or plant boxes on the porch suddenly disappear. I see this as a power thing, and an attention getting thing, and it can be rather annoying. I live upstairs from her.

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late stage dementia often comes with an unexpected side order of OCD . ocd is the one behavior that will get me bent . i dont like things moving around , but as other experienced people have already said , you have to choose your battles with the elderly and indeed some of them arent worth fighting . they need space , independence , freedom , and as much control as possible .

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Don't mention it. You can, however take notes for your own records so you can keep track of the changes, if she slips more into dementia. Be sure to go back upstairs to make your notes, so that she doesn't move them where you cannot find them. Does she come upstairs and move your stuff around, or do you have your very own space?

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Only, trying to talk to her about it probably produces a "snippy obnoxious reply" because she might be embarrassed about the issue, doesn't remember it, or is embarrassed because she doesn't remember.

You can't set boundaries with someone who doesn't understand them.

Let it go. There are more important issues to deal with. And remember, "there but for fortune go you or I". No one chooses to develop dementia.

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When Dad was in the early stage, calling his attention to something like this that he may not remember he did just created more frustration for him. It was hard enough on him to feel himself slipping so we did our best to help reduce the frustration of this illness. Loved ones with dementia teach you to roll with the flow, don't sweat the little stuff (and that more and more is little stuff) and to pick your battles. Ranch dressing on spaghetti is a non-issue, wandering away from the house is.

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Only, I would not fight this battle. What difference does it make? My mom was a constant rearranger up until about a year ago. Things had to be just so. Now, she has declined to the point she doesn't recognize her things at all any more. Probably thinks they are someone elses so afraid to move stuff around. And if the caregiver is doing it? So what! Maybe at tge request of your aunt. If it makes your aunt happy to have this person move things around for her, that is a good thin. Dementia is an awful disease as long as the moving around is not dangerous, let it be.

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onlythelonely, no. There isn't a way to talk and set boundaries in dementia. This is very frustrating, especially if the loved one seemed to have only "slight" impairment or is lucid much of the time. I could have a very rational conversation with my husband on his "good" days. He understood and agreed with me that certain things shouldn't happen. And then days later he was at it again. Trying to talk rationally about it may turn it into a power struggle or make your loved one defensive.

If it a matter of safety or significant monetary loss (my dear husband microwaved his hearing aids) then you'll have to do your best to intervene. But a vase moved, even to a very weird place ... don't sweat the small stuff.

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thanks all - I try to talk rationally with her about this - which usually gets a snippy obnoxious reply, just wondering if I should even bother…or if there is a way to talk and set boundaries.

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I hope you'll try hard not to take her actions personally. With slight dementia and a stroke, I'd chalk up that kind of behavior to those things -- not a power play. Nope, not a power play.

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yup agree with Terry. Somewhere locked inside seems to be a framework of how people want their room their house to look. Mum moves stuff around a lot and I find things in the weirdest of places. She put her breakfast bowl in the toilet once instead of the washing up bowl in the kitchen and she has emptied her commode into the washing up bowl before now. It is all part of the dementia process of decline I am afraid.

If she doesn't like where I have put something she doesn't tell me but she asks my daughter to move it for her - now I ask and she always says yes thats fine but she still asks my daughter to move it later - I don't think you can ever understand it - it is what it is I am saddened to say.

If things are going missing you need to find out why though. If your Mum is giving things away you might want to consider getting some form of guardianships/conservatorship/POA. She wold never have wanted to be a victim of financial abuse so do keep an eye out for money and jewellery in particular going missing and as Garden Artist said especially drugs - your mum may be on medication that has a high 'street' value and if they go missing that also means she isnt taking the right meds.

I hope that helps you hun xx

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If she has some dementia, then I would suspect these 'games' are a symptom of the dementia and she isn't aware or can't help it. You can contact your local chapter of the Alzheimer's association, they can give you some info that can help you understand dementia and how to deal with behaviors.

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Well, if she has some post stroke dementia, it may be that she doesn't realize what she's doing. On the other hand, I would think she has the right to rearrange items in her own living space.

Plant boxes disappearing is another issue - these are heavy so I doubt your aunt could move them. What does the aide say about this?

If there are serious disappearances, such as of financial items, medications, etc. I'd be really concerned.

But elderly people do have a tendency to misplace items and have no idea what's happened to them.

Not to be critical, but how does the movement of items annoy you? Does your aunt become upset that she can't find things?

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How do you deal with a senior who is playing games with the house, things around the house etc.?

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