Do you find it better when they understand or worse. My mom can have these moments of total clarity. Which I have found to be total torment to her, which tonite she told me just shoot her or give her medication so she does not wake up. Then 5 minutes later she is back to only remembering what is being said at the moment, you try to answer and sometimes you dont even get out your answer and she is asking again. It's been non stop tonite, she gets so mad when you tell her something she has taken or done within the last 5 minutes. Usually calls me a liar, idiot on and on, she says why would I lie to her like that when she knows that she didnt do that. Whats better or Whats worse for you??????
When you mother wants you to "shoot her", try saying, "I'm so sorry you have to suffer so much. You know I can't do that, but I'll do everything I can to make you more comfortable." If there's something concrete you can offer to do, such as tell her you'll check with the doctor about a different medication, you can offer to do that. Otherwise, just tell her you love her and that you'll do everything you can for her.
When she's accusing you, do your best not to contradict or argue. That's tough when she thinks you've taken something. Maybe you could say, "Let's look for it together." I know - likely that won't work, but it's worth a try. attempt to control your body language and obvious frustration, since that will only make the situation worse. If you can find any secret humor in the scenario, that will help you weather the storm. Detaching from the reality and not taking the insults personally takes practice, but it can help.
I wish there was a magic pill for all of these issues, but sadly there isn't much we can do but weather them. Agree when you can, distract when you can, redirect when you can. And try to remember this isn't about you or her. It's the disease.
Take care, my friend. You have a lot of company on this site.
Carol
So, while my mom can be nasty and difficult to be with, I think of the struggles and confusion she is handling in her own mind and just try to hug her and tell her I love her as often as I can. Thanks to the people on this site who remind me how important family love is during this transition process, when the people who are suffering don't know how to move through the process. Families seem to help the elders to navigate this process with support and love. I know it's difficult for all of us to know what to do. Each instance is an opportunity to think of how to handle it kindly. My thoughts are with you and hope you have a good day. In the long run, your mom will appreciate every positive thing you do and you will likely feel good about those positive and kind things for the rest of your life as well.
Good luck!
It doesn't upset her. She just moves on.
It breaks my heart when my Dad says " I wish you could see the dreams we have" for my Mom, when she wakes up those dreams are her reality. How frightening, how sad to have your last days end like this.
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