Has been for about 3 years. She wants to come home but I cannot care for her as I am 97 years old and can barely take care of myself. I am debt free and have Medicare and a military pension. I do see her about an hour each day. I have 2 daughters and a son that helps when needed. They want her kept where she is. What shall I do?
Since you can't take care of her, because you can't do the work of a team of trained nurses that work 24/7 at the facility to take care of your wife, it's illogical for you to bring her home. You should keep her where she gets the care she needs, at the nursing home.
I noticed you looked at yourself first as her caregiver. Then admitted you couldn't handle it. Then your second thought looked to your children. It would be so unfair to ask your children to be responsible for your wife's care. It's their time to live their lives, as you and your wife did.
Please leave her where her needs are met. Most people cry to go home. Try to change the subject.
Good luck to both of you.
Honestly, it takes a village inside a nursing home to take care of your wife. You only see one hour of that, thus do not see everything that is needed behind the scenes.
I assume your grown children, some whom are probably seniors themselves [times flies], are helping you alone at home when needed. It would be way too much to ask your grown children to help take care of you and take care of their Mom. They would crash and burn from the exhaustion.
My own Mom was in long-term-care. At times my Dad wanted to bring her home when he saw a glimmer of hope, but in his heart he knew it would be difficult to duplicate the care she was getting in the nursing home with what she would get at home. Plus the emotional toll of having her home. It was all my Dad could manage just seeing her one hour a day, at noon time when he and his caregiver would go over during lunch time, and Dad's caregiver would feed Mom. Mom no longer recognized Dad, she thought he was her brother.
If you are missing her, have you considered spending more than an hour a day with her? I don't mean this as an obligation, but if it would give you some comfort to be with her more, doing it where there is help immediately available would be safer and less stressful than bringing her home.
My Mom too had dementia. I learned that her desire to go home was not based on her most recent home but the home she lived in as a child. Obviously, that would be impossible to replicate. It was no longer in the family! If you can, distract her from this line of thought --- tell her the buses aren't running! It's amazing how a trick like tht often works.
It would mean giving up your home, but you would be together.
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