Should grandchild be hired to help care?

I'm not against family caregivers being paid but doing it under the table could have unintended consequences for your father. In the event he one day needs a higher level of care than family can provide he may need to apply for medicaid benefits, and they will want an accounting of where this money went 🤨.

I may be the exception here, but I did hire my 19 yr old grandson in Nov. 2018 to help me with my bedridden husband(his grandpa), just to put him on the bedside commode for me in the mornings and since he stayed up later than me, to check on him later in the evening as well. At the time my grandson wasn't sure of his career path yet and was just ready for a change, so he moved in with us and was a great help. I did pay him cash under the table, which for us wasn't a problem. He also found himself a part-time job here where they were willing to work around his hours at my house. I have to admit that after many years of no children living in our house, it was an adjustment for me and certainly for him as well. But my husband loved having him here and it was so sweet to see the 2 of them together. That situation lasted until Sept. 2019 when my grandson said that he was home sick and wanted to move back home, (I think he missed his friends more than his family) so he did just that. I know my grandson will always treasure the time he got to spend with his grandpa, especially that he's now on Hospice, and I certainly appreciated having someone here that I could trust. Do what you feel is best for your family and don't care what others think.

When my father had dementia, I hired his 25-year-old, big, strapping grandnephew who was between jobs, at minimum wage. It was only for a short time and a few hours daily to help with bathing, dressing, cooking and running errands. He was paid via personal check or cash and accepted that he was an "independent contractor" responsible for any tax liability. (I put this in writing for him.)

I was not trying to "skirt the law," but the terms of employment were uncertain, since neither of us knew how long this arrangement would continue, since the grandnephew was between jobs and I was trying to get my father into an assisted living place. He was also a family member, which is why the 25-year-old was willing to do it for minimum wage.

The short-term arrangement worked out well for all concerned.

Yes, caregiving is very underpaid. Any money he can earn is well worth his time and caring. Am a caregiver for spouse.

This came up in my family and we axed the idea. Putting aside the financial parts of it, the situation is just full of possibilities that turn into probabilities that the family won’t be pleased with some aspect of care. There are simply too many ways of doing each task, and grandson will catch the criticism for each thing someone doesn’t feel is right, whether it’s deserved or not. Caregiving is already often a thankless job, hiring a young family member is opening him up to way too much scrutiny. Plus there’s no good way to fire family when it doesn’t work out

My friend had her DIL get hired by an agency, and her only client was friends hubs. She did her training, and was paid by the agency,, and my friends LTCI paid the agency. So win win for them all. And not illegal. Now that friends hubs has passed, DIL still works part time for the agency,, building up some SS and such.

I'm wondering where your brother stands in all of this? Since, after all, it is HIS father too...and you haven't mentioned at all in any of your posts his caregiving responsibilities.

Were I you and 1) dad WANTS to go into a facility and 2) the primary caregiver (your SIL) is looking to head back to work, I would start the process of placing dad, virus or no. First of all, there's no guarantees that this virus will be over in 6 months. Then, if anyone in dad's house is going out into the big bad world, there is always the possibility of infection coming in. Add to the mix that it's not always quick or easy to get placement - my nephew and his wife are trying to place her dad with dementia, and it is taking months - especially if dad is going to apply for Medicaid.

I would start the process. And in the meantime, if DAD is ok with your nephew caring for him (and you have said yourself it's likely going to be a short term thing) then give your blessing. The only potential problem is the Medicaid look-back period, and I would think he's allowed to give money to your brother and SIL to cover the expenses of his living in their house; then THAT money can be used to pay your nephew.

If there is a grandchild who wants to help care and wants to be paid in cash, for heaven's sake - be glad you have someone to help and what is wrong with paying cash. It is no one's business and he has a right to earn some extra cash. Be thankful you have someone willing to help.

I personally would never get grandchildren involved with caregiving for their grandparents. Look for a trusted agency & let them send someone. Hugs 🤗

marydys, your SIL would still need to have a back-up person to cover for when grandson is too sick to work or needs a vacation. What will happen on the weekends? Hopefully she is not thinking of having him live there...? How old is the grandson? Unless grandson is thinking this is part of a career trajectory, this won't look like much on a resume (I'm an employer, there are certain job experiences I don't give much weight). Grandson won't be making very much money and he may decide it's not for him and will be looking for other work, then SIL will need to do it all over again. Is the bigger picture to keep granddad in his home because he doesn't want to transition into a care community? Or because he can't afford it without liquidating his assets? Understanding the point of/reasons for keeping him in his home will help in the decision-making.