I have probably overused this very helpful site a lot lately. So sorry for that. But my Alzheimer's dad was put in nursing home a few days ago (looking to maybe move him to memory care) but I have called every morning to find out how he did overnight, etc. I think the nurses have sounded a bit annoyed by this. Maybe it is not customary to do this. Perhaps they assume that they will call you if something is wrong. And I guess for my own benefit, the reason we pay to have him there is so people take care of him and I don't have to be worrying all the time. I cannot call my dad as he is not cognitive enough to answer phone and talk. What do people usually do on this? Perhaps I am being overly hovering.
When I first placed my own Dad into senior living I also was worried. Then I realized if anything was out of the ordinary or if Dad fell, that the facility would call me. Dad was in good hands and Dad liked where he was living :)
I try to visit more during the first days to make it known that I'm involved. Questions are raised when I'm there when nurses, aides or doctors are available, but I also call from home to get answers.
Generally the staff are more responsive, and in more detail than at hospitals, where I think there's an assumption that most families can be comfortable with generalized responses rather than specific answers to specific questions.
I.e., I want to know if the CHF or pneumonia or whatever is responding to antibiotics. In rehab, I want to know if therapy is strengthening or if the status quo prevails.
I don't want just a "he's doing better" response. This is partly why I spent time years ago learning the medical terms so I can approach staff on more of a detailed level.
At the current rehab facility, the therapy department head came out to speak with me when he saw me walking down the hallway. That's service! And it displays a higher level of care than I've seen at the last facility (which I would never use again).
What are your specific concerns? Are they something to the effect of whether he was agitated overnight, whether a new med was working, or are they general ones as to whether he's basically okay?
You can always ask if one of the staff will call you back, at HER convenience.
I won't deny that sometimes I feel as though I'm bothering the staff, so I always ask if they have time to respond to a few questions. Sometimes I've left lists of questions, asking that they respond when it's convenient for them.
And take the time to get to know them; bring donuts or bagels or something by which they'll remember you and like you. And thank them prolifically.
You chose the facility to provide care; you do have a right to ensure that that care meets standards.
ETA: I've just read FF's good advice. This illustrates an important issue - comfortability and confidence in the staff. As you get to know the staff, you may find that it's not necessary to check up so often. On the other hand, as I've found, sometimes it's necessary to really be diligent if the staff isn't.
They all know me, and it’s helped a lot to be able to chat a little with the staff. I bring in a couple dozen donuts occasionally and if they’ve had to spend a lot of extra time with her like when she was quarantined, I bring Edible Arrangements chocolate strawberries etc. And I help them out with her as much as I can. You’ll see quickly how overworked and under appreciated the CNAs are.
My comment is blunt, I know. (Having spent 10 years as a twice-daily visitor to my massively handicapped wife and having hired ladies be with her at the supper hour every day, my experience is that the staff have more than enough to do with duties at hand than to be expected to handle such calls from the loved ones of residents.)
You may want to consider expressing your concerns to the NH social worker.
Grace + Peace,
Bob
I was of the best time to call, and to ask for my mother's nurse, and asking for a call back, rather than to speak to them then and there, unless it's an emergency.
Visiting in person is of course the best and doesn't have to be long. And yes, cookies and chocolate, always!
Maybe you're calling at shift change and that could explain why you don't get the responses you are hoping for. Ask if there is a better time to call. But for what a NH costs, check up daily if you need to. Eventually you will relax and not feel the need so much.
To me, your calls indicate that you care and sadly, so many place their LO's and then forget them. I think that would be a lot worse than calling daily.
And please, don't think you're overusing this site (or any other) as this is what AgingCare.com is here for.
Assuming that you feel more comfortable as time goes along, you might want to think about gradually decreasing your visits, or showing up randomly.
Adding to my previous post, there were times in various facilities (as well as in hospitals) that I felt I should have been notified about a negative change but wasn't. In that case I usually try for a short meeting with a nurse, or DON, explain my concerns and ask how we can communicate better in the future....i.e., what could I have done, taking the responsibility on myself rather than blame someone else (even if they should have been blamed!).\
An opposite situation occurred recently. A life threatening event occurred, test was ordered, internist (probably a hospitalist) called me and asked me to rescind the DNR order b/c of the dire situation. Given his explanation (malignant mass on the larynx), I did. Following up, I spoke with the doctor who ordered the test, and learned that the initial diagnosis was wrong.
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