I had been taking care of a disabled 65 year old lady ( non relative) that lived in a house we rented. This past March she caught Covid, had a stroke, and was sent from a hospital stay, to a nursing home. She has a lot of different medical issues going on, but she is very with it mentally. I was leaving out of state to start a new life, when she found out was thinking of leaving. She now has changed her insurance to where it wont pay for the nursing home anymore, but homecare only. She will be going AMA if I dont agree to take care of her, where it will be a safe discharge home. The nursing home WAS in agreement with me, that she needed to stay where she was for her health, until they found out about the insurance. Now, they are pressuring me to take her. None of her family members will help, and her son has actually blocked her calls and moved away. She has mobility issues, incontinent, Parkinsons, and takes a lot of medication. I feel like at any moment she will be dropped on my doorstep, as I try and decide what to do. If I leave, she will go AMA and come home with no medication, help, or supplies. If I agree to work as her caregiver, she will get a safe discharge and transition back home. The nursing home says they cant keep her against her will. I just dont feel I can take care of her anymore as I have back issues (degenerative disc disease). There's no one to ask to help or turn to. Feel like I'm being blackmailed. Any suggestions please?
Your plan for a fresh start sounds wonderful. Hope you enjoy your new state. Change is good!
Her family will either have to step up and help OR the Social Workers will find suitable placement for her.
Long answer: Very sad this lady's family will not be involved - it happens. (But maybe they would not be the best support for her anyway).
However, this lady will need someone who can legally represent her, maybe as her advocate (if competent) or maybe as her legal guardian (if not).
That list of ailments is long & some pose risk to cognition - eg stroke & PD.
The kindest & most sensible thing imho would be to speak to the Manager at NH (as this is currently where Duty of Care lies). For the NH to arrange a Social Worker, who will arrange what's required: This may include a full Care Assessment inc medical, mobility, cognitive & social needs.
You could (if requested by the lady & of course if you wish to be) invited/involved as a supportive friend.
The lady may well need a friend.
But I think trying to be more that that, when not related, or having any legal duties would be foolhardy.
Not only can one person not do this legally, but one person cannot do this physically. If you wanna seriously try to carry 100 hours or more, you might as well be earning six figures for it and reporting that to the government as it's gong to increase your eventual Social Security.
I doubt you wanna do that. So if you can carry the rent, then do that and inform the social worker/discharge planner that you will not be her caregiver.
If you cannot carry the rent, then inform the social worker that you will be moving out.
If you wanna work as a senior aide for 120+ hours a week, you'll make six figures until you collapse. 168? Not very possible.
The roommate/friend has treated you very poorly. It would be a privilege for her if you even stuck around--separately--to get her finances situated for Medicaid. It is even for relatives, which she's not even.
That's a huge burden in itself even for relatives, and the very last thing I'd expect from a mere friend.
If it were me in your shoes, I'd wish her the very best of luck with her rehab, tell the SNF you cannot care for this woman at all, and go about your own life now.
Best of luck moving forward.