I had been taking care of a disabled 65 year old lady ( non relative) that lived in a house we rented. This past March she caught Covid, had a stroke, and was sent from a hospital stay, to a nursing home. She has a lot of different medical issues going on, but she is very with it mentally. I was leaving out of state to start a new life, when she found out was thinking of leaving. She now has changed her insurance to where it wont pay for the nursing home anymore, but homecare only. She will be going AMA if I dont agree to take care of her, where it will be a safe discharge home. The nursing home WAS in agreement with me, that she needed to stay where she was for her health, until they found out about the insurance. Now, they are pressuring me to take her. None of her family members will help, and her son has actually blocked her calls and moved away. She has mobility issues, incontinent, Parkinsons, and takes a lot of medication. I feel like at any moment she will be dropped on my doorstep, as I try and decide what to do. If I leave, she will go AMA and come home with no medication, help, or supplies. If I agree to work as her caregiver, she will get a safe discharge and transition back home. The nursing home says they cant keep her against her will. I just dont feel I can take care of her anymore as I have back issues (degenerative disc disease). There's no one to ask to help or turn to. Feel like I'm being blackmailed. Any suggestions please?

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As I'm reading this post - am surrounded with the sound of fireworks in the neighborhood as the new year ushers in.

Your plan for a fresh start sounds wonderful. Hope you enjoy your new state. Change is good!

Her family will either have to step up and help OR the Social Workers will find suitable placement for her.
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Short answer: No.

Long answer: Very sad this lady's family will not be involved - it happens. (But maybe they would not be the best support for her anyway).

However, this lady will need someone who can legally represent her, maybe as her advocate (if competent) or maybe as her legal guardian (if not).

That list of ailments is long & some pose risk to cognition - eg stroke & PD.

The kindest & most sensible thing imho would be to speak to the Manager at NH (as this is currently where Duty of Care lies). For the NH to arrange a Social Worker, who will arrange what's required: This may include a full Care Assessment inc medical, mobility, cognitive & social needs.

You could (if requested by the lady & of course if you wish to be) invited/involved as a supportive friend.

The lady may well need a friend.

But I think trying to be more that that, when not related, or having any legal duties would be foolhardy.
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lealonnie1 Dec 2021
And judging by this woman forcing herself upon the OP, it's not at all surprising that her family wants nothing to do with her & her son has blocked her calls and moved away! Sad but true.
All Nursing Homes have Social Workers. Set up a meeting with the Social Worker and discuss this situation. You have no legal responsibility to care for this women and therefore the NH will have to involve the DHS to help her.
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The level of care that people could provide 24-7 would be $240,000. Granted, this is the SF Bay Area, so slice that by a third if you're somewhere cheaper. But still.

Not only can one person not do this legally, but one person cannot do this physically. If you wanna seriously try to carry 100 hours or more, you might as well be earning six figures for it and reporting that to the government as it's gong to increase your eventual Social Security.

I doubt you wanna do that. So if you can carry the rent, then do that and inform the social worker/discharge planner that you will not be her caregiver.

If you cannot carry the rent, then inform the social worker that you will be moving out.

If you wanna work as a senior aide for 120+ hours a week, you'll make six figures until you collapse. 168? Not very possible.

The roommate/friend has treated you very poorly. It would be a privilege for her if you even stuck around--separately--to get her finances situated for Medicaid. It is even for relatives, which she's not even.

That's a huge burden in itself even for relatives, and the very last thing I'd expect from a mere friend.
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NO NO NO!!! Please don't, you will be stuck in a situation that will be difficult to get out of and you will become miserable sooner than you realize. If this lady needs 24 hr supervision, then she needs to stay in the nursing home and apply for Medicaid. The nursing home cannot release her to an unsafe environment, and you do not have to be the one to provide a safe one. It is not your responsibility! If you want to help her, call APS and advise them of the situation.
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You are being blackmailed, in a sense, that's what it sounds like. This woman didn't just 'change her insurance' so that it won't pay for skilled nursing anymore; that makes NO sense at all! I take it she's in a SNF for rehab now, which Medicare pays 20 days stay for, normally. If she wants to leave against medical advice, then she should do that, but under no circumstances are YOU obligated to care for her! The whole thing is absurd, really, as all you are/were to her is a renter.

If it were me in your shoes, I'd wish her the very best of luck with her rehab, tell the SNF you cannot care for this woman at all, and go about your own life now.

Best of luck moving forward.
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