Should I cash in my retirement to help?

I haven't read through all of them but I echo what everyone is saying based on the ones I have, NO. All kinds of reasons and I absolutely understand why you are feeling like it's probably in your best interest to do this now and would be taking care of you but you need to do better long term thinking/planning for yourself so you don't end up in the place you find your parents now.

Seems like the options vary so much state to state that I can only suggest broad consideration, what would be happening to care for your parents didn't have a daughter and grandson looking after them? If you weren't managing all of this what would the doctors and state be doing to care for them? I would talk to their primary care person and get a referral for VNA (Medicare will pay for this) and perhaps Hospice, as long as they are referred by PC Medicare should pay for this. Now, at least in my mom's state and I believe everywhere, one of the people that will visit them is a social worker or equivalent who will take the evaluation of their medical needs from the nurse that asses them as well as other needs (food, medication mgmt., etc) and should have information about what assistance they qualify for as well as either facilitate that or help you facilitate it. I know you have been through the spend down Medicate application process so perhaps have already had one of these evaluations but the situation is different now, they need care you and their money wont be able to provide next week. Once others become responsible for making sure they get that you have shifted the heavy burden back to them. Don't let them shift it back to you, there is a fine line between having a say in some of the decisions and taking on all the day to day responsibility. Now just to warn you, it may mean having to give up some control, it may even mean moving them out of their home, I think some states work harder than others to keep them in their home but you should be able to at least put your foot down about keeping them together as long as their ailments allow and it may very well be that they are in a place and medical situation that the preference is to keep them there.

You do need to hold strong though that you can't be the primary caregiver which is what you are doing by arranging/managing all the in home caregivers. Maybe even don't drive the 2 hrs to be there physically for each of these evaluations, let them see exactly what the deal is even if it's with caregivers there and maybe join in via phone or Skype at least the first time, let them know you are interested and care but just aren't able to help financially or physically. Now the other option which I imagine you have considered and ruled out for good reason already (still worth mentioning) is moving them closer to you unless of course they have a wider support system there than the paid caregivers and that's something you can possibly tap into.

Please don't start supplementing their care with your money though, difficult as it is to think about remove your emotional and self imposed (not wrong) sole responsibility. Being POA/MPOA/DPOA doesn't mean you are solely responsible it just means you can make decisions on their behalf so if the choices are a or b you can make that choice it doesn't mean you have to provide the choices. Not providing for them also doesn't mean you aren't caring for them or don't love them either, you need to try to stop feeling guilt about the way you handle the responsibility you feel. I hope that's making some sense. You are doing as well as any family here, carrying it without siblings and it seems to me doing a better job than countless other's, give yourself a pat on the back and a break. Taking care of yourself is taking care of your parents too.

My God, my poor soul - YOU KEEP WHAT YOU HAVE SAVED AND KEEP IT FOR Y O U. DO NOT MAKE THE MISTAKE OF GIVING IT TO THEM. You are being destroyed by taking care of them and why are you allowing that? They lived their lives and now it is your turn to take care of you. Who will look after you when all is gone? No one. Contact an elder attorney, the office on aging and any professionals who can help you. There is a way to get them financial help - I am not just sure how this all works. But you must act now - they have to leave and be placed somewhere as quickly as possible before it is too late. I wish I could understand why children feel they have to be there for parents with such multiple problems when it is destroying the lives of the children. They can't be there - parents like that need professional help in a facility - before it is too late.

Have you checked to see if either were veterans? Is there a long term insurance? Have you reached out to AARP about free caregiving services? Last have you thought of a Reverse loan on their home?

NO. You are not responsible for their debts. Medicaid will have to pay if they have no resources (I think under $3000 ). It may mean a nursing home - but so be it. Who will take care of you if you spend your retirement? You are too old to earn it back and pay current bills as well. (I am only child and taking care of Mom in my house - will spend her money/ resources on her - every last dime - but not my own - if hers runs out Medicaid will kick in - but if I spent mine I would never see it again and I'm too old to earn it back) Contact Adult protective services in their area. Medicaid, etc. Make it clear they have no resources and can't take care of themselves and have no one who can help them.
If you have to - get police to do welfare check on them - let them contact proper people to step in.

No. Please dont, all you do is open another Pandora's box. I did it, I went thru checking, savings, worked OT, got a second job and sold stuff on line. First to go after that was CD # 1 + penalty, then CD#2 + penalty. Then Mom up and sold her house. Right back to square one. She is 91 and just plain mean. ITS MY MONEY! so here we are at the stand off....she accuse me of stealing, then gets on the phone and portrays me as an abusive thief of a daughter. I have been investigated by the state of florida. Crushed and embarrassed. Police and Elder Services- all came back unfounded. Yet, here we are, not further ahead, and Im heading for bankruptcy court. 60 yrs old and nothing, nothing left. No pride, no dignity, emotionally, physically and financially bankrupt. In my situation, she was never one I should have done this for....I was out of my mind to do what I have done. You, on the other hand, have a broken heart about this. Be thankful for that! I did this for someone I despise!
That said, Honey, its time you speak to Drs and next trip to ER you need to throw your shoulder back and state the truth. Believe me, these nurses will look into your eyes and know. They have family too...and they do it for a living. Its time to save who you can in this situation. You have done the right thing, I respect you for taking the high road, not the easy road. Stay on the right road now and do what needs to be done. Here for you!

No. Do not cash in your own retirement. Go to Area Agency on Aging for them in their community and discuss options. Also when they were in the hospital they had a social worker call and ask for assistance. There is help out there. I took care of my Mom at home and worked 3 jobs...I had 2 girls for day shift and 2 girls for afternoon shift...and I was the evening and nightshift. My afternoon girls were minimum wage and morning were 10.00 an hour because they bathed and dressed her. If you have to pay them less that is an option. Mom had annuities and I prepaid a funeral in order to get her on medical assistance. I felt like I was in a tornado....very stressful and difficult time. I had 3 siblings 15 minutes away and they did nothing to help! Do not do that to yourself...you also need your money...your parents wouldnt want that. You will need that money for you. Your parents already live and appreciate what you are doing for them. Use the resources above to help them..whatever you can do to get them on medical assistance make it happen or pay the caretakers less and if need be get other caretakers. I had to make those decisions at times. I used her salary to pay them. I paid all household bills with mine and paid for her meds and diapers. I have no regrets and I would do it all over again! Hang in there...know that God is with you every step of the way and God does provide and trust me on that! He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it until the end! May God bless you and I will be praying for you! I know how hard it is I've been there....keep yourself strong..they need you...and dont give up or give in... be their advocates and fight for the care they so desperately need!!!! Keep strong!

Noooooo. Do not cash out your retirement. Please don't do it.

No way, no how! Speaking as an almost 72 year old senior, I thought Inhad enough out aside for my retirement. Nope! Things started happening with the house that had to be fixed. We both now have medical problems that Medicare Part D leaves us with a hefty co pay on my breathing meds.
Then, of course, cost of living keeps going up and up. Sigh... I think you get the picture. Get in touch with a senior services social worker or someone who can fix this finance thing for them. They have to spend down in order to get Medicaid which will help cover expenses instead of you. Do not pay the home care they have out of your pocket. Also, since he is the one who put the land up and sold it, get power of attorney, medical and legal, for both of them so you have to be made aware of things like this.

Hospice has a Social worker assigned to every case. The diapers and most medications are covered by hospice. Hospice also has help with bath and daily care. I would start with the social worker and see what help is available from hospice.

Once they spend down below the $2000.00, they qualify for Medicaid. If you go back over the resource amount, just buy them something they need. You can spend it down even after they are approved by Medicaid. I know because I went to the local DHHS office and asked. My mother needed 24/7 care and she had to go to the nursing home. We could no longer take care of her. My sister and I did not like doing this but it was the only recourse. Mom was bedridden at home. We did all we could. Dad was unable to care for her because he had congestive heart failure. Why are you going to destroy your own finances? Out of guilt or something? We have had those discussions right here on agingcare. Unless you want to totally ruin your own health and finances, you will seek help with a social worker or visit nursing homes. That is just the truth of it. Having been there and now handling probate after 8 years of handling my parents’ finances and healthcare, I am now 66 years old and out of shape and tired with my own health issues. My heart goes out to you. You sound like you have spoken with Medicaid since you know about the spend down and countable resources.

NO!!! Why would you cash in your retirement? What are you going to do when you retire, pass on the same issues to your children. It may be time to do something different. Sell their home and put them in care with the proceeds. One thing I will say is you have to take care of yourself. You will be no good to anyone stressed out and warn down from dealing with things out of your control.

Let go of any guilt and do what is right for them and your family. Call Senior services and see what free services are available and call a realtor and have them do a walk through in their home. Talk to a specialist that can help you shield their money from the sale of the home and put them in a place that will give them the care they need. Use Social Security and any other funds they have coming in to take care of them. You also maybe able to Quick Deed over their home to you, this will take assets out of their name and open them up to more assistance from agencies will find them adequate care.

First and foremost, Take care of yourself, Don't cash in your retirement and Release the Guilt. Also, don't leave your child in a similar situation.

Never never never cash in Your retirement funds! No one can touch them and it is not supposed to be even considered in their 'spend down' - they have the right to ask what you have but you have the right NOT to tell them.

The VA was always asking about my IRA. I refused to give the information because it is MY IRA.

Go back to Medicaid and tell them the situation - someone needs to be helping you but you have to ask for the assistance.

Medicaid with a Qualified income trust. HUGS I feel you.

Find you a Social Worker right away thru your hospital. They will help you navigate this.
Do not cash out your retirement!

What will you live on if you cash in retirement? I have my mom. I have to live on my retirement. Think before you do it.

No, do not jeopardize YOUR retirement to provide for them.
Take then both to the ER and tell them you physically can’t care for them anymore. The social worker will be forced to place them in a facility. They should qualify for Medicaid (Medi-Cal in California) since they have practically nothing in the bank.
I know this is drastic but you can’t financially ruin yourself. You and your son have many years left and you must have a backup.

No No No
di not cash in what little money you have left
you will need what you have for your care
your parents can be admitted to a care facility and when there a social worker can help figure payment
YOU are not responsible for their financial care
many people think they are you are not
contact an aging program in your area

Absolutely not. I've seen this question come up time and again. The valid answer from a financial professional (I am not that, but I know what their protocol is) is that the adult child of the elderly parent SHOULD NEVER JEOPARDIZE THEIR OWN FUNDS for their elderly parents' care. And why? Answer - because the adult kid will need it themselves for their own old age. In your case, you're already ill. So another solution must be found. If you did that, you might be out on the street-worse case scenario. God bless you.

And what happens when that money is gone? Your parents will then have to file for Medicaid (or MediCal in California). You will never see your money again (and what will you do for retirement? How would you earn it back?). Bottom line - they need to file for Medicaid now - if you have to take them to ER or can get Adult Protective services to help - or their primary care doctor - or In home supportive services. The only difference will be you still having your retirement money so you don't put your son in the same predicament you are in.

As an RN Supervisor who works in a NH, please take or call an ambulance to take them to the nearest hospital and have them seen/admitted. The hospital will evaluate them and decide what kind of care they need-Nursing Home, Hospice etc... Do your parents have Medicare?? They should because Hospice is completely covered by Medicare. As all have said, do not cash in your retirement. Elder care can be so difficult. Apply again for Medicaid and take care of yourself. You can't help anyone if you don't take care of yourself. Get a massage or at least a Mani-Pedi. You deserve it. Be nice to yourself. Hugs!

If they are down to their last $2,300 then maybe you need to look into getting state assisted help. If you cash in your retirement to pay their caregiver what will you use when it is your turn to retire? Who is going to pay for your caregiving? You need to think about your future and fifty is so young to be going through this all alone. I truly hope that you are able to work something out and not have to use your retirement funds to care for them. Best of luck to you!

Nobody should have to make key financial decisions you outline while under such health and economic pressures. It's so easy to go 'blind' when in a crisis and resort to measures that won't help your parents much, and which will definitely not help you. Without knowing what your state of residency is, I'm surprised that you're having so much pushback on qualifying for spend-down after so many tries. Do not cash in your retirement! You may be thinking that if you do that, you'll qualify for Medicaid. Depending on the Medicaid rules for your state, if you did that, and then had to give the reason as taking care of your parents, it might be considered as a gift to them, by the state (which in my opinion would be the ultimate cruelty to you, tho I don't know if that would happen). Also, qualifying for Medicaid does not ensure that YOU will actually be able to access the right level of health care for yourself if and when you need it if the providers in your state are rationing health care because they're underfunded by Medicaid. Then, backing up and looking at this from the standpoint of our own experience of not being able to enjoy the resources my spouse and I worked and saved for over our lifetimes due to his incapacitation from a stroke several years ago, I'd say, please, please don't cash it in. The powers that be will say, Thank you, and that will be the last thanks you get. I feel for you. Please don't do it.

No

They are on Hospice. Can you talk to the Social Worker that is assigned to you/them? The Social Worker may have ideas.
If nothing else Hospice will provide respite that you can take advantage of, that might be long enough to tide you all over until the sale has been completed.

Please don't cash in your retirement. I have lupus & 3 other autoimmune diseases. The last thing I want to tell you, esp after dealing with breast cancer (I had 3 cysts removed about 9yrs ago from a breast; so grateful all 3 were benign), but w/autoimmune diseases, you are in for a long ride, esp with all the opioid hysteria & inhumane treatment of chronic pain patients.

Contact DHS or even your state's AG to find out if there are other resources you haven't learned exist. Chances are, there are many but you need to locate them. I'm 49 w/a 55yo heart patient & type 1 diabetic husband w/bad kidneys, & the start of chronic pain from diabetic neuropathy along w/a bad dominant shoulder/arm/hand who is just starting to realize the pain I've been in for the last 15yrs. We are also dealing w/his mom, who is now in nursing care after months in the hospital, then physical rehab, but unable to return home alone. The bulk of care has fallen to the 2 of us even tho there are 3 other siblings in much better health than we are. Check into emergency medicaid. We were able to get it for my MIL even tho her home is still technically hers until either another sibling buys it or it goes on the market. Will keep you in my thoughts.

If what your parent is leaving you, will replenish your retirement then I would say yes. But you have to make sure you never use what she's leaving you since you will be reliant on it for your future. You also might need a lawyer to make sure her assets are protected or to put something in place that it is yours. If you ever place her in a nursing home, they will take it.

Murphy24: It would help you immensely if you could get into counseling. Believe me, I am not saying this lightly. With lupus & other autoimmune diseases on top of dealing with all of this with your parents & being a parent yourself, the stress will take it's toll on autoimmune diseases & make you even more immunocompromised causing you to get sick. I stayed sick the first few months after my MIL became ill. Most of it was going to the hospital, inpatient physical rehab facility, & then the nursing home but a large part too was feeling guilty b/c I didn't immediately recognize that she had internal bleeding from her upper GI. It only took a few days before I knew something was seriously wrong & she needed immediate transport to the hospital but oh I felt so guilty for missing it. We are a huge medical family w/many nurses & other healthcare workers incl'g my eldest & worked for some 15yrs as an MT. I'm finally at a point where I can start letting it all go, w/that aspect anyhow. I'm trying to do the same with the rest but it's a process.

The greatest thing you can do right now, is to take care of yourself. If you don't, you won't be any good to anyone else, be it your parents, your son, or yourself. Take care & be good to yourself. You won't last if you don't. Take it from someone who knows. And again, I'm a work is process so I know it isn't easy. One last thing, make sure your doctor is aware of the stress you are under. Don't skimp on letting him/her in on what you're feeling, how you're feeling, & any new symptoms no matter how small or insignificant. Autoimmune diseases can, will, & do send your body into a tailspin - often w/o notice.

NO!!

DO NOT cash in your retirement
contact DHS about Medicaid or a senior program
contact a nursing home they have social workers who can help you figure out finances
your parents need more care than you can provide ideally you need to contact a lawyer who specifying elder law

Again, NOOOO, save yourself!