My mom is 83, in nursing home since December 2018 with Chronic Heart Failure (CHF), moderate dementia and COPD.
Last week she had a bad few days with declining health, weakness and confusion. We were told to call in hospice as it was time to look into the bridge to hospice program.
After her evaluation, which happened after being treated for a touch of pneumonia in which she was doing much better, it was recommended that she go into full/regular hospice.
We asked lots of questions and agreed since the “professionals” deemed this the best choice.
Yesterday hospice called and said they wanted to stop all blood testing on mom. This means if she gets a touch of pneumonia again it will not be treated but allowed to progress while she is doped up, until it kills her. They said if she were to fall and break a bone they would not set it, just drug her for the pain... I am having real moral issues with this.
My fellow caregivers and daughters and sons, is this normal? Am I supposed to be ok with this? I feel like taking away basic medical care is very close to assisted suicide or even murder. Am I wrong?
I appreciate any advice or insight you all have. I know there is a ton of wisdom here and I’ve always counted on you all in the past so thanks in advance.
(FYI, she is on Medicaid if that matters)
A few months ago, my mother's confusion seemed to get worse, and she seemed very dizzy so we took her to her PCP. They recommended checking for a UTI due to the dizziness, but set us up with a hospice consult.
In my mother's situation, withdrawing renal dialysis would end her life quite suddenly. They said they could not stop treating the heart condition without also stopping the dialysis. They could try to get her qualified with the COPD, but in that case, she could no longer be treated for anything respiratory. Not even antibiotics to treat bronchitis to prevent pneumonia. So they CAN qualify and stop treating just one condition, and you have the choice about what that is and what it looks like.
You can also decline their services for the time being.
We asked for some time to think about it, and the hospice office called TWICE A DAY until I told them to stop calling, that I felt they were pressuring us into something we were not ready for.
Mom's confusion went away with her UTI antibiotics, and she has proceeded to get stronger every since.
When the time comes, we will welcome their services. But it will have to be when we are ready, and she is able to give her consent.
For me, your examples are not close to ‘assisted suicide or even murder’, and I don’t think that basic medical care always means keeping people alive. We are all going to die, and prolonging life without quality is not what most people would choose. The Bible doesn’t deal with this, but then when it was written there were no options and death was ‘God’s will’. It still is. Your mother is only 83, and perhaps the issue is whether you and she feel that she will have happy years left to live if her medical problems receive the maximum possible treatment. Best wishes at a very difficult time.
I think you can stop Hospice at any time, if you wish.
My LO is on regular Hospice and I feel quite comfortable with their policy,
mainly due to the fact that my LO was very clear in her wishes for how she wanted things to be done, under these circumstances. Her mother had a similar experience and I was with them both as they made decisions. She made me promise that I would make sure that's how she wanted things to be. So, when someone is ill and cannot recover, not to continue with measures to lengthen their days. But, to keep her as comfortable and pain free as possible.
Of course, it's a personal decision. Does your mother have an Advanced Medical Directive or has she told you what she would want?
Also, it's my understanding that Medicare pays or all Hospice care expenses.
We will talk to her soon and see if she understands enough to make a decision on her care. Blessings to you and your family.
If you are confident that your mother is not ready to stop fighting, then I would turn down hospice. You are under no obligation to accept hospice services.
Has anyone talked about palliative care? My mom, similarly, was in a NH with moderate dementia, CHF. My brother, who was her POA, was not ready to sign on to hospice when mom first became eligible, again, similarly, after a bout of pneumonia that sent her to the hospital, which in turn increased her confusion.
We discussed with the NH the fact that we no longer wanted her sent to the hospital for treatment. They treated several bouts of pneumonia and a couple of UTI's "in house". Eventually, she fell and HAD to be sent for xrays; her wrist was broken and set; she declined quickly and we accepted Hospice services at that point. It became clear that mom had no fight left in her, she wasn't going to get out of bed and developed pneumonia.
Her picture that you had posted when I first started this forum made me smile. It was a lovely photo of her.