Hi, my name is Daniel. In 2021 my father started to have dementia pretty bad. I did not notice what it was, but I took care of him from 2016-2021. When my sister found out she is POA, she came and told me she was taking my father to get an MRI. He wouldn't go with me because he knew it was for his brain and would constantly fight me about it. Anyways, she came August 15, 2021, and just took my father to North Carolina where they lived and told me I had to move out. She told me I had to move out of the house and that they sold it. They then bought a 600-thousand-dollar house in North Carolina. I moved about 35 mins away so I could still see my father, but they still use his money and take out cash from his pension (a lump sum of 2 million) and they already have started to use the money. I take my father for two weeks of the month, every month, and she doesn't pay me or allow me to have access to any of his money. She gets his social security ($4,500 a month). She makes 48 grand a year and her husband just sits at home and smokes weed (doesn’t work). They bought a 90,000-dollar fence to surround their 6 acres. They probably spent 90 thousand on guns, too. They have 5 vehicles. I am also not allowed to visit my father whenever I want, only on dates she allows. Who do I contact about all this? Any help would be great. It's making me not sleep or eat. I am also very pissed, too.
A question for Theman2289 (Daniel), which is a bit off the main important topic of concern which is possible abuse: You say you take care of your father 2 weeks out of every month and that you bought a cabin and 26 acres so you could be near him and see him. You feel you should be compensated in some way for taking care of him, which is perhaps not unreasonable, but the money should come from his funds and you should have a written agreement from the POA. But from your sister's perspective, you appear to have volunteered to take care of your father, and did so before without compensation. Is that correct? Did she ask you to take him for 2 weeks a month or did you volunteer? The whole family dynamic here, and who did what when is rather confusing, given the way it's written.
Lawyers can draft a case.
Of course does not mean there will be abuse or fraud found or able to be proved.
But hopefully with these extra 'eyes', Dad will be kept safe & well cared for.
Living with Dad for a long time, then having him taken away must have caused you much anger & sadness.
Maybe your sister felt you were not able to care for Dad any longer? Not able to work & supervise him at the same time? Was trying to do what was 'right'? Just another viewpoint..
It can sometimes be easy to blame others for everything...
Getting dementia happens. It sucks. But it is no-one's fault.
Families often disagree with the direction care should go. Moving between sisters' & your place sounds like a equal share-care plan but this will get too hard on Dad. A permanent home he is familiar with will be needed at some point.
Looking into a Social Worker service to help may benefit when it comes to weighing up the options of a permanent home.
APS may look into how his money is being spent, maybe.....but that would likely drive a huge wedge between you and your sister by casting suspicion upon her. Which could lead to spiteful repercussions and not being able to see dad at all.....which is not the goal you have in mind.
Before you take such a drastic step, I'd seek guidance from an elder care lawyer about the most prudent way to go about getting what you'd LIKE to get out of this, which seems to be more money....because you already spend a lot of time with dad. Maybe a lawyer could help you draft a salary plan or getting an inheritance while dad is still alive. That may be something worthwhile to discuss.
I'm sure you're resentful that your sister seems to be living high on the hog thanks to dad's finances. But if he's well cared for, comfortable and agreeable to all of it, then I'm not sure you can do too much. As far as getting paid for when you care for dad half time, I think you should speak to your father and your sister immediately about a salary you all agree is fair. Why didn't you do that right away? You're short changing yourself and should get paid for your time if that would help you make ends meet and feel better at the same time. If your sister is entitled to some form of monetary gain from caring for dad half time, then so should you.
Best of luck.
As to not being paid, if you don't wish to have your father for this amount of time without some financial help tell Sister you won't be taking him any more.