My mother was diagnosed with normal pressure hydrocephelous last year. Unfortunately she was not a candidate for a shunt. My father passed away from colon cancer 10/24/20. We moved them both to assisted living in September. Now she is there by herself. Due to COVID, I can't physically be there yet but I call her at least 3x a day. She was diagnosed with a UTI which she gets a lot. Last year alone she was diagnosed 4x. She is on antibiotics but I'm thinking her dementia is also causing her hallucinations. She sometimes will call me asking why my dad hasn't come home yet. She will say my dad is sleeping, or he ate the soup I brought for her. Or she will ask me who is picking up the girls (her grandchildren). I will ask, where are they? And she will tell me they are sleeping or playing in the next room, or hiding behind the couch. Sometimes I will say, mom daddy's in heaven. Then she will say "oh". I don't want to hurt her or confuse her even more. I really don't know what I need to do. It's so hard due to Covid because I can't visit with her yet but the facility is due for the vaccine beginning of February. I know once I can go spend time with her in her apartment will help me but I need help in what I can do for her. I lost my dad and I'm feeling like I'm losing my mom too. It's so heartbreaking. I'm at a loss. I am completely new to this.
For example, in the NH she used to tell me fairly often "there's a little girl there, in the corner of my room!"
"Oh?" I'd reply. "Is she a nice little girl?"
"Yes she's a nice girl!" and then she'd wave and smile and try to get the little girl's attention: "hello sweetie! Hello darling!"
Once she was telling my dad that there were birds flying around in her NH room. So he said ok, I'll get rid of them! and he opened the window and "pretend shooed" the birds out. But this time, she frowned at him and pointed at the other corner of the room and said "they're over there! Stop pretending!" Haha! Can't fool her :)
Sometimes, she'd ask me if her son (her late son) was going to call her soon. I always used to tell her yes of course he'll call just as soon as he can, he's just really busy at the hospital now (he was a dr). That usually satisfied her. Although once I think she was testing me because she sort of replied "he isn't though, is he?" and when I asked what she meant, she said "I know he's gone." I didn't know what to do so I just put my cheek against hers and didn't say anything.
One funny/sad moment was in the first weeks after her stroke and in hospital, she used to tell me over and over "the shrimp are in the fridge, the shrimp are in the fridge." Which meant in her mind she was back at home in her kitchen, and I had just stopped by for a visit, and she was instructing me to put the frozen coconut shrimp into the oven so we could have our usual little snack... "Ok grandma, I'll get them ready" I used to say. Sigh... I wish...
For instance, my mother calls me early in the evening lately to tell me she thinks she'll stay in her apartment for tonight, and not come to my house; she lives in Memory Care Assisted Living (and has for the past 2 years). For some reason, she suddenly believes she lives with me. Instead of getting into a long conversation about the facts, I just tell her, 'that's fine with me mom, sleep well.' No point in stirring the pot. If she's happy, I'm happy. Our goal is to keep our demented mothers from being unhappy or agitated, not to keep them apprised of the truth. Especially nowadays. The truth is too much for MOST of us to bear, even without dementia.
Wishing you the best of luck with a new and difficult situation. My condolences on the loss of your dad. Do take the suggestions sjplegacy offers; he knows from where he speaks.
There are some excellent books and websites that can help. YouTube videos of Teepa Snow and Dementia Careblazers are excellent caregiver sites. Two great books are are “Learning to Speak Alzheimer's” and “The 36 Hour Day”. Learning more about what your mom is going thru can give you as her caregiver great insight. Good luck.