She has always been in control of her finances. I have all her bills paid electronially. She no longer writes checks. She wants to see the statements but is getting confused by them. Should I stop them from coming so she does have them in front of her? It's everyday going over the same paperwork.
You’re paying them. You can print out statements if you desire.
It’s true, things are repeated over and over where there is confusion. It’s unnerving but goes with the territory.
Best wishes to you and your family.
Have the statements mailed directly to your house, or if Mom lives with you, try to get to the mailbox before she does. Then I would start using what is called "therapeutic fibs" such as saying "the statement hasn't come in the mail". There is nothing wrong with doing that.
The only issue I had with my Dad, who was living in Independent Living facility, the facility would send me a bill, and a bill copy to Dad. The issue was Dad was starting to think the facility was too expensive. Oops. Didn't need for him to worry about that. So I asked the billing department to send out only one bill, to me, and they did. Once Dad didn't see the bills, he stopped thinking about the cost.
What I did for my brother is something the POA has to do ANYWAY. I kept a simple list of his assets. The amount in each month and the amount out each month. CLEARLY typed it was such things as :
COSTS:
Rental: 4,095.00
Spectrum: 33.00
and so on.
Then
ASSETS IN:
SS 978.00
As the end of each month I would add a column of Unusual Expenses or Assets. And then explain that an insurance company refund came in after sale of his home, or that the gardener put in a gravel path at his home before sale, or whatever it was. So he had all this in black and white to look at if he chose.
He was able to handle and to have his own spending account and check book, asked for more money as needed/if needed. He and I went to his bank together and made this account with me POD. (At his death he had actually GROWN that account; go figure. The boy was such a saver!)
We sat and talked about most things. For instance, if a CD was coming due, which bank to put it in for what interest, who to make POD of the account so they would get it at his death, and etc.
He got a monthly rundown and had a notebook to put it in. He was happy enough to tell the truth to let all this go. He trusted me completely, and wasn't interested, but loved the bottom lines, in that they told him he had enough money he couldn't really outlive it.
You have to keep records anyway. So give her a copy of those, not a copy of bills.